CARINGBRIDGE UPDATE on Dad: 

The final chapter. 

My speech from Dad’s funeral 02-12-2020

 

(The funeral home played the IU fight song over the speaker & entire room stood and clapped)

 

(Afterwards I stepped up to the microphone to start my speech)

 

Dad would have sure gotten a kick outta all these Purdue fans up & clapping for the IU fight song!

 

On behalf of my Mom and I, I would like to welcome you and thank you all for coming to celebrate the life of this awesome guy, my Dad. He was my hero. Although it’s tough, I’m gonna try to keep it together. He wouldn’t want all of us sitting around UGLY crying. He’d say, “SUCK IT UP!”. And then, probably make fun of us.

 

For those of you who haven’t had the PLEASURE of knowing me, my name is Tracy & I’m the only kid. Mom’s only daughter and let’s just be honest, Dad’s only SON! I never got any of Mom’s incredible cooking, gardening, sewing, crafting, card making creative talents, but OH BOY….were Dad and I inseparable. If it was a sport, I was in it. And man, were we competitive! I’m not sure which one of us loved to win more, but if it was a competition to know who was more competitive, I would win!! Yeah, I’m more competitive, for sure. Although, if Dad were here, we’d be out at the barn playing HORSE on the old net right now to prove it. But, I’d still WIN.

 

I remember back in our old house in Lowell, in the backyard….I was in full catcher’s gear, with my hands behind my back & Dad just nailing me with softballs! In the face mask….in the chest protector…..in the shin guards. He knew it was needed. He was very protective of me. Dad knew that I was going to be behind the plate, catching for our neighbor across the street, who was an amazingly fast & future college softball pitcher. He knew I was going to take a BEATING back there.. behind the plate. So, he kept hitting me. I kept taking it. I wasn’t quitting & neither was he. I’m sure at some point, Mom had to come out of the house and break it up, like she did so many times. I got my toughness and work ethic from my Dad.

 

He started #GIRLDAD, waaaaaay before Kobe Bryant ever did.

 

I wasn’t sure I could do this or not. Get up in front of you, to talk about the death of the strongest guy I know. Pastor Tim assured me, he could step in and read at any time, if I couldn’t make it through. But, like I said, I’m competitive. And this is my last chapter.

 

Most of you know that I have been posting, on social media, updates on our family since our Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis in May last year. It was originally started to keep all the people my parents and I know up to date on Dad’s ups and downs. On ALL OUR ups and downs. And, as you know, there have been some ups and downs. But, have you ever really thought about HOW MANY PEOPLE my parents know? About the amount of people who LOVE THEM? I mean look at this place! It’s packed! And the line yesterday for the visitation was out the door. I don’t think I really realized until early last year, when I was trying to plan a surprise 50 th Anniversary party in August for my parents. The guest list was HUGE!

 

I mean there is….

 

The Pioneer HS class of 1967. (Whoop! Whoop! GO PANTHERS!!)

 

All those people from Oakland City College & Southern IN family and friends.

 

Logansport folks. Royal Center folks. Friends from Florida & Corkscrew Woodlands.

 

State Farm co-workers. Teacher friends. Church friends. Neighbors.

 

Golf & Tennis peeps. IU fans. He would have loved seeing Bobby Knight back out on Assembly Hall.

 

Let’s not forget that the Anniversary guest list included the BIZZILION relatives we have JUST on the Roller side of the family. My Grandpa Roller had 10 siblings, one brother and the rest sisters. I still cannot keep track of them ALL!! They randomly come up to me saying…”You’re Ronnie’s kid, right?” YUP! I mean, come on. Look at me. I’m a spitting image of my father. The Roller Reunion is still going strong after 50 years. That’s pretty special in this day and age. Family was everything to him.

 

Well, the Surprise 50 th Anniversary Party FACEBOOK invite page became information central when the Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis came down in May. Then, we got the CARINGBRIDGE page up and running because it was just TOO DIFFICULT to keep all the people informed about Dad’s health. We wanted to reach out to all those people that love my parents individually, but we just couldn’t. We just couldn’t do it…not as well as we wanted to. This was the next best thing.

 

So…. I started posting all we were going through. Every emotion. Every hurdle. All the pain.

 

AND….. All the blessings.

 

Folks are always surprised to know that I did find blessings with this C WORD….CANCER.

 

With my parents deciding to stay with Community North Hospital in Indianapolis for treatment, they became my roomies down in my house in Broad Ripple. Starting in June, they were on and off living with me in Indy while Dad did his treatments, his many hospital stays & eventually his surgery at IU University Hospital in downtown Indianapolis.

 

The #1 blessing of CANCER…… was TIME!

 

I never would have gotten the amount of amazing time with them that I did while they were in Indy. It truly was a blessing. Even as an only child, life always gets in the way of time with one another. I mean my parents and I were close… SUPER CLOSE! But, not THIS CLOSE. Adversity makes you stronger. We were a team. Teammates stick together. You battle together. You fight the ENEMY.

 

But, when you lose a teammate, you are NEVER the same.

 

So….do all those things that you have always wanted to do with your loved ones. Go on that trip. Sit on the front porch swing. Make that 2-day trip to Florida to go see them. Put down your phone. Talk to your parents. Because you just never know when that last time will be.

 

I’m sure you will be surprised to know that I’m kinda a control freak, we aren’t going to talk about which one of my parents that I got THAT FROM….mostly because Mom already knows it’s her. But, being a control freak is tough when you can’t control CANCER. It was a nightmare….one that I just wanted to wake up from….but NEVER did.

 

So….I wrote about it. And….. you read about it. And a writer was born.

 

I don’t know if I will ever be able to write like that again. This was personal, with all the feels. It helped us through….it helped me through. It was therapeutic for me. My Pastor, at my church, Life Journey, in Indy always says, “A problem shared is a problem halved.” Pastor Jeff talks about sharing your problems with God, in prayer…which I did. But telling all of you & all the prayer warriors that stepped up and got us through, even now, helped more than you will ever know.

 

But, it’s tough, I’m heartbroken. It’s hard to watch your hero, the strongest man you know, your biggest fan and toughest competitor….go down like this. I’m heartbroken for my Mom, who lost her soulmate. For all of us, who lost a great man. Plus, who the heck am I gonna blame stuff on now that Dad is gone? Mom is perfect and I got NO SIBLINGS!

 

I’m not sure how we will make it through. But, you know Dad. He was a ham. You can see it in all these pictures. He was a goofball. The one that played with all the kids. Heck..he was a BIG OL’ KID. The life of the party. A cut up. A prankster. He was onry & I know all of us have stories to prove it. He brought life & love & light to every day. And for me, my faith is what gets me thru. And the fact that he is up there, as we speak in heaven, playing one awesome prank on Jesus. And Jesus will be laughing until his sides hurt.

 

I love you Dad. Save the court up there. We have a HORSE game coming up. I still won’t let you win.

 

And I expect the same from you. ❤️