Happy Birthday My Dear Tom! 

Today is the big 55th!   I am celebrating you!

I wanted to give your last eulogy today in remembrance of you.  I was not emotionally ready to do it at the Celebration of Life but wanted to share it with everyone today.

Tom and I met in college at a memorial service when school resumed, for a friend of ours Steve that died over the summer between our Sophomore and Junior year at Marquette. We all went to a local pub to celebrate his life.  That was the Marquette spirit. I had talked with Steve the semester prior to his death in tears over a breakup wishing that I could find someone that loved me as much as I loved them. Enter Tom Riley… 

We tribute our loving relationship to Steve and included him in our wedding mass as the angel that was always on our shoulder connecting us that day.

Two months later, on 10/29, I bumped into Tom walking home from class from the business building. He was a smooth talker and as the conversationalist that he was, asked “what are you doing for Halloween?” I had responded, “I am going as a nun because all the guys here are assholes”.  He immediately was taken aback and said, “we are not all assholes, you should give this guy a chance.” He was always so charming and had the Irish gift of the gab. A fabulous storyteller and could connect with anyone in the room. That was the beginning of our relationship. We went to the Ardmore that night for food and drinks. From then on, we were inseparable and the obnoxious couple with way too much PDA and could literally count the hours we were apart.  We went to a Halloween party two days later dressed as a nun and priest.

It was not just his charm that drew me in, but also his sense of humor/wit, his confidence, and his sense of security that made me feel safe.

Tom had so many times referred to me as his better half. I loved that he thought of me that way, but I, at many times, wondered if that was not the reverse. He showed unconditional love through our thirty plus years together.

I will never forget that first Christmas we were together. Tom had borrowed $100 from his Dad to buy me a gift. Tom, his sister Laura and I were driving home from a party and Tom got pulled over. Not only were the plates on his car expired, but so was his license. He had not renewed it while we were at school.  The police took him to the station in the squad car and Laura and I had followed behind in the car with the expired plates.  That $100 went towards his bail, and I was terribly late for curfew.  When I got home, my Mom was decorating the Christmas tree and I was afraid of the consequences of being home so late.  Tom stepped right up to the plate and explained to my parents why I was coming home past my curfew.  As Tom left, my mother chuckled, turned to me and said, “you are two peas in a pod, that does not surprise me.”  That was not the reaction I had expected.  I think she realized our connection early on.  Tom was my world and all that I talked about.

Our Love was the real thing…

Tom was always the life of the party, the storyteller, the man with the best wit in the room. I loved being by his side. I enjoyed all the conversations. There were many nights of side stitches and sore cheeks because of laughter. He was my favorite person in the room no matter where we were.

Tom was a dear friend and mentor to so many. His incredible compassion and creativity touched many lives, from his circle of friends to his work in palliative care. He was an entrepreneur, compassionate man, and voice of so many.  He will truly be missed.

Over the years, I learned of stories of Tom prior to our meeting, that only Tom Riley could have pulled off… the ninja warrior on the roofs of the Wilmette Centennial Park, the evenings on the roof of 9th street, the technology wizard that kept the guests at a parent party wondering how a voice on the screen could be coming from another place, the car that rolled itself down the street, Lone Star, the many nights of partying with the HS gang.  I was hoping our first child was a boy so I could experience those younger years of life that I was not with Tom.

Along came Stephanie. I had never seen Tom cry tears of joy as when he held Steph. As an adult, he was so proud of her achievements, how she held her own, her sense of self and how she could also change the world. She has a shared vision with Tom.

Alli was his true companion.  Through life, she has had the courage to be her true self, make a difference, and be the voice for many. They shared a sense of humor and competitive strength.

Jack was the dream he had before Steph was born. He had always envisioned a son named “Jack” that would carry on his compassion in life. Jack has always wanted to change the world in some positive way and is continuing his journey to accomplish those goals.

I have always said my kids were my “true love” experience. Tom’s death is my “true heartbreak”.  I have now experienced both.

My heart is truly broken. I will miss Tom Riley. He was my everything.

Tonight, I celebrate his life. He would not want us to be sad. He would want us to gather, have some laughs, share some memories, and make the world a better place through his vision of love, compassion, friendship, voice and meaning.

I miss you my best friend, companion, spouse, and the love of my life.

Your favorite fan and loving wife,

Mary XO