Hi everyone!

I have not provided an update since earlier this year. Things have been busy, a lot of work recovering, and a slew of doctor's appointments and therapies that never seemed to end.

I recently finished cardio rehab. This was a program that was offered through the mayo to keep my ticker healthy with the radiation that I had on that side. There is a higher chance for heart problems after radiation, so I will do everything I need to keep that working properly.

I have also finished physical therapy. I started this back in Feb this year and had my last appointment about 2 weeks ago. There is a lot of relief with having this off my plate, but the reason for ending is I have plateaued and just not making progress. I have all the information, and all the tools to keep working on this at home. I will not accept that this is just how I will feel the rest of my life. Even with slow progression, it is still progress.

Currently I am trying to get my iron levels normalized. I was low and did have to have an infusion last month. Since then, I have felt an improvement with my overall wellbeing. With my blood thinners, and being a woman, it does cause some complications as I am no longer in menopause. I did recently get a couple more diagnosis that come with a lot of stigmas. I don't like telling too many people about this diagnosis because there are a lot of eye rolls, and people feeling like it is not a real thing but let me tell you -IT IS REAL and every day is unknown with how you are going to feel. Those diagnoses are fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome (which go hand in hand). This all revolves around your central nervous system. After an 8-hour training on this, I have a broader understanding on what causes this and how to manage it. I have decided to take the holistic approach without meds to manage this. Since this does probably stem from my younger years, I have a lot of healing that I have been working on due to a lot of discoveries that I never knew were an issue. Which leads me into the next phase I had been working on.

Going through all these changes and talking with many different professionals in many different areas, I realized how much trauma I have had throughout my life. I shoved all the emotions and the trauma down because I was strong and had control. Well, no, that is not true. I just shoved it down and tried to forget about it all. I am grateful in a way that I was able to feel all of these feels, because now I can only work on them and put them to rest. When I got the cancer diagnosis the doctors wanted to get me started on depression pills. I was against them and didn't want to take them, but I did (personal choice).  Once I was done with my treatment plan (chemo, surgery, and radiation) my goal was to get off as many medications that I could and detox my body. Well, that included my depression pill and boy did I go through an eye opener. I am still not on it, but I am aware of the trauma and finding holistic ways to work through that. Which include finding a therapist to talk it out, listening to hundreds of podcasts, joining a embodiment course, started seeing a healing coach, massage therapy, meditation, spiritual guidance, and so much more. If we want to make a change, we HAVE TO put the work into changing it. I have had to explore things that I did not want to explore and accept things I could not change.

Going through the journey with my new physical appearance was one of the hardest self-battles I have had. BOY WAS THIS HARD! I struggled with not having a choice in any of this. I did not choose to lose my hair, I did not choose to lose a breast, I did not choose to not have my mind and body work together, I did not choose so many things. BUT I do have a choice to make the best of what I have. Mid way through October (which is breast cancer awareness month) I decided to take my prosthetic out. I had a feeling that this would make others uncomfortable, but realized I was uncomfortable. I decided, if people are uncomfortable with how I look, imagine having to live with how uncomfortable a prosthetic is and wearing bras that are meant for two breasts. That's pretty uncomfortable. My kid said I am focusing on this one thing as we tend to see our flaws in a different lens than others, and people don't care. Well, he was right, people don’t care and if anything, it just shows how strong I really am to remove that uncomfortable piece of my life and live to my comfort level. My reconstruction choices are not as easy as one would think. I don't have the same options as many. The reconstruction would be multiple surgeries that involve taking skin from other parts of my body to create a new breast. This is my only option and I personally think my body has been through enough trauma. I am going to embrace what has been given to me. I've always had a voice and always wanted to find my purpose, and I think I have found that purpose. I don't know what that will all look like, but hopefully I can bring awareness and make life easier for anyone that has to go through this. Life after breasts cancer is SO HARD.

Living as a survivor is no easier than living with the cancer. My body has been through so much and it is very hard to get it back to what it was prior to cancer. I have found myself struggling within my own home and the emotions that are tied to what I went through. Sleeping in my own bed, sitting in what was my 'chemo' recliner, my couch and binge watching tv when I couldn't do much of anything else. All of these things are triggers and remind me of things that I don't care to be reminded of on a daily basis. Ideally, I would like to throw it all away and start fresh.  I still have plenty of bad days, but I really do try focusing on the good things happening as I think we can get lost in the negativity. 

Coming up…. I have a couple of appointments scheduled next week. I will be meeting with my oncologist to see what the next steps are. They were not ready to release me 3 months ago, we will see now if they spread those appointments out every 6 months (fingers crossed all goes well). I also meet with the gynecology department to discuss options as I have been having a lot of complications with abnormal tests and erratic bleeding. They want to discuss options for considering a hysterectomy or do ablation surgery. More to come on this.

I have decided to get out of this life of doctor appointments. I will schedule my appointments around my life. With this being said, I have made the decision to go back to my job on a part time basis. I am so fortunate to work for someone that has been willing to work with me through this. Especially given the scope of work and all these layoffs happening in this industry. I am beyond blessed.

FUN FACT...  Since I left work in March 2021, I have been to approximately 270 appointments at the Mayo alone. This does not include physical therapy appointments (8 months-worth), and all the other appointments outside of the Mayo.

I want to say thank you again to everyone that has been there for me through the past 18 months. I appreciate all of you. I appreciate all meals, the gifts, the funds, gift cards, car rides, the support all around has been extremely helpful for my family and I. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

So much love,

Rachelle

Regarding some pictures attached...  One is me embracing no prosthetic. The other two of my hair, well it is just some entertainment I get when I wake up in the morning. I do have some days where I wake up and make myself laugh.