Hey all! I feel like I owe one more entry to bring everyone up to date on Poppy since she's been home.

Poppy has officially been home from the hospital for 4 weeks, which is awesome! She has really enjoyed getting back into the groove of things with her siblings. LOTS of laughter and running around (and yes, arguing about toys!) and happy moments. 

The first couple of days home were definitely an adjustment. Mostly for me, haha! It was a lot to have everyone under the same roof. While we were still coming off of the "high" of a wonderful ring out celebration, there was a fair amount of pressure I put on myself to make sure everything was perfect when Poppy got home. Spoiler Alert: I cannot control everything and there's no such thing as "perfect"! Since re-acclimating myself with that concept, everything has been great!

We took the girls to Landsdowne Resort overnight a week after Poppy got home and that was so fun. (PS don't worry about Blaise he was home loving life with my niece!) They loved staying in a hotel and playing in the pool (complete with an awesome waterslide!) It was definitely a fun way to hold on to the last bits of summer that Poppy had missed out on. I got emotional watching her jump into the pool. It's been a long time since I've seen her "in the wild" just being a regular kid. I have a video on my phone of Poppy last summer jumping into the pool while we were on vacation. Same jump, same joy, same big splash. But so much has changed since then. The Poppy jumping in the pool these days has gone through so much. Been so brave. Been so joyful in the face of huge challenges. Watching her that day it was impossible to not have the tears flowing 😭...she's come so far. WE'VE come so far.

Since that weekend we have just been filling the days with regular 'ole summer things: the Farmer's Market, playing with neighbors and the inevitable game of "ask mom a million questions as she walks through Target slash wear her down to get a bunch of toys we don't need." (Don't be fooled: Poppy still remains level "Expert" at talking me into purchases 😂 ). Her appetite is pretty much back in full force (dare I say to the point where it's sort of annoying?) and she's always asking for food. We see a little rumtumtigger forming again and that's great!

Following that second week of August, we just had a lot of appointments and things to get ready for back to school time. We've had two visits to the PSV clinic since Poppy left the hospital, and so far so good! Her ANC is on the rise and her other numbers (platelets, WBC etc.) are all recovering nicely. Her ANC was 940 last week so that's great. We were able to schedule her port removal for September 13th, so please keep us in your prayers that day! 🙏  As you probably know, the port is the device implanted under her skin where she's been receiving chemo for the last 8 months. Getting it removed is definitely an "official" moment in Poppy's cancer journey. Bordering on surreal. Once that's out she will have more freedom to roughhouse with her siblings (a favorite pastime). Additionally, the port removal means going to MONTHLY count checks (where they will do lab work) versus the weekly checks we've been having. 

The heart issues we discovered at the end of her treatment still linger. We've gone to the Cardiologist once since being home, and have another appointment later this month. The mild/moderate cardiomyopathy hasn't shown much improvement. The BNP (this certain thing your heart/blood produces) has gone down though, and that's a good thing. It means her heart isn't working AS HARD to do its job as it was before. At first, I was feeling discouraged that we didn't have overall better heart news. It sort of feels like swapping one issue for another. But a friend reminded me that the heart is a muscle and just like any other muscle in the body, it will take time to gain strength back. The doctors aren't acting like this is a crazy pressing issue, rather something to watch and monitor over time. She still remains on the twice a day heart medication that's helping her heart heal. Luckily she doesn't show much in the side effects department which is awesome. She runs and jumps and sprints and does things like any normal 6 year old, which makes us happy! 

School has been the question on everyone's minds...if you saw my Facebook/IG you know: Poppy started school last Monday! It was a very exciting moment for our family! She was so happy! 🙌 We only had her go two half-days last week, and that will probably be the plan for awhile. Two or three days a week half-days to start. We aren't confident her energy level/ attention span will allow her to have a full day yet. Luckily the school and her teachers have been awesome! We are still ironing out what school will ultimately look like for her, but for now...this is the plan! And we are so happy about it. She deserves it! 

So that's the latest. One chapter closing, and another opening. You may or may not be surprised to discover that we very much miss the hospital. We miss our hospital family, the nurses the doctors the staff. Poppy said to me a few weeks ago that it's weird to not be sleeping at the hospital. While this struck me as sad (she was there for so so so soooo long that it actually became normal) it completely made sense. We miss it too. There's a steadiness and and weird EASE you have there knowing the experts are just outside the door. We are already talking about visiting in the next few weeks. But over all, everything has been really good at home. As a family we are happy to have the band back together and get into a routine 😍 

I, of course, have had my moments since we've home. I just don't want to get anything WRONG, you know? I have moments where I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude I can hardly LOOK at all my people without crying. And there have been trying moments. Where I cannot believe treatment is done and now we are back to being in charge. I was telling a friend it's weird to go 8 months where people are basically TELLING YOU what you need to do for your child. Now we are home and it's much more "let your conscience be your guide." Is she feeling sick? Just tired? Is that a new bruise? Why does she have such dark circles under her eyes? Poppy, how do you feel? Fine as in good or fine as in fine? I mean it's just a lot of that. I think that will subside over time but for now we are just so "green" with the life at home thing. 

Additionally the war within of "faith over fear" does not end when treatment ends. In fact, it becomes harder. There have been times where fear of the future is so real it literally makes me feel ill. Relapse, it paralyzes me. But then I need to remember my #therapisttalk and remind myself so much is out of my control. But so much is IN my control. And I can only focus on what I can manage. To not let the fear consume you, rather to adjust your thinking and think a thought that serves you better. And I pray. Praying a lot helps. Our Lord has been so SO good to us in our lives, particularly in the last several months. We have had more "God Winks" and happy moments in the face of this than I can count. He has carried us and why would He stop now? I'm so comforted He knows THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. And in the struggle comes the virtue. 

Joel and I remain so grateful to you all for how you've supported us over these months. I'm fully aware there could have been a "fatigue" of support after awhile since this journey is so long. But we never felt that. We have felt CONSTANT love and care and prayer and been so encouraged by you 😍  Your words and notes and well wishes and prayers have gotten us through the toughest days of our lives. We love our community of friends and we love how much you love Poppy. I'm not sure I can properly express it, just know we consider your friendship and support is one of our greatest treasures. Thank you. 

That being said, I will implore you to not stop praying. Please pray for Poppy in thanksgiving to our Blessed Mother for Poppy's complete healing. For no complications or late breaking issues because of the chemo. Continued good bloodwork. That she transitions back into life smoothly. And please, PLEASE pray for all the families who are battling against pediatric cancer. It is no doubt, the devil. You never expect it, it flips families lives upside down and robs children of so much. September happens to be pediatric cancer awareness month. I have no doubt, after walking with us through Poppy's story, you are more aware. And unfortunately the 10th floor of INOVA Fairfax Children's Hospital is but a drop in the bucket. There are children all over the world getting diagnosed, treated and even dying from cancer as we speak. I hate to be grim, but it's true. In the last month we know of many relapses. Including two of our very good friends. It's, in a word, heartbreaking. So there are many families who deserve our prayers. It is a battle so many people are facing and your prayers provide them armor 🙏

Thank you again for checking in here to see how Poppy is doing. I will probably take a break from Facebook and the Caring Bridge for awhile. We have been so utterly absorbed in cancer life for so long, we need a break. The internet can be a wonderful place but it can also be a difficult place to visit, particularly as a cancer parent. One false move and you're triggered for the whole day. So protecting our thoughts has become really important to us. 

Thank you again for EVERYTHING. We love you!

#prayhopeanddontworry

P.S. We haven't officially said it but-- It's a BOY! I'm 21 weeks now and Blaise is going to have a little cohort coming along in early January! We are thrilled!