And now the next chapter. I'm afraid it's not a good one. At least not from a human perspective. The good news is that I still have a fighting chance, if I make the sacrifices I tried to avoid during Round One... 

You might remember that I had an MRI in June that showed that my body had won an astonishing victory against the cancer. But the question was huge, too, "Will the cancer come back?" And if so, how soon? The answer is "yes" and "now." I had a follow-up MRI at the end of September which shows two very small tumors in the left side. One is 5mm, the other, I believe is 6mm. Picture the size of the average pearl in a pearl necklace. They are located in the areas of the original tumors and are therefore likely to be recurrences of the original and not a new invasion. 

My Oncologist called me with the news October 4th, which was actually a relief for me, because I had the misconception that any recurrence at all was going to be terminal. She told me that, no, I have options still, just that the chemo option is off the table. She put me back in touch with the Surgeon who saw me on the 7th and we discussed the surgical options in front of me. They weren't what I had hoped for (lumpectomy only), but I rather expected not to get my way. Once we agreed on an affected-side only mastectomy, he went to bat for me with the Hospital to be approved for surgery. Covid protocols have really changed how surgeries get approved and scheduled, therefore a committee had to meet and discuss my needs before a date could be chosen. Thankfully, that is done with, and Monday we scheduled for October 19th--which is NEXT Tuesday. Or 6 days from now. 😳

Needless to say, I have been very busy trying to get the house in order and to make preparations for my modified physical needs once this comes to be. Laundry, deep cleaning, and organizing, Goodwill runs. Also prepping easy meals for the days when cooking from scratch will be out of the question. I am trying not to kick myself too hard over not having made these preparations before, but I sincerely hoped I wouldn't need to, so I didn't. I don't know that I would say being optimistic was a mistake, but it leaves me scrambling now. Ack!

I am also trying to forgive myself for (perhaps) not trying as hard to take care of myself and employing all of the alternative treatments that I possibly could have and doing so to their fullest extent. The things that I tried were nice, good things to do, for my body, with or without cancer, but it wasn't enough on this case. If there is such a thing as "enough" in this battle? I have made great efforts to get my strength back and have been seeing a physical therapist since August, who has helped me so immensely that I can drive, lift boxes, pull weeds, do laundry, and hold JBear again! It's been so nice to be getting closer to "normal;" though the fatigue brought on by the chemo treatments still limits me to 1/2 to 2/3 of a day of activity before I am wiped out and need a rest. But! Beautifully, "rest" doesn't always mean "nap," now. Sometimes it really is just a time of quietude before I go to make dinner.  I'm having to pause my treatments with PT until I am somewhat recovered from surgery, but very much look forward to going back and making more progress. 

So tomorrow is an appointment with the Anesthesiologist and one with the Nurse Navigator to learn about post-op care. Friday is lab checks with the Oncologist. Sunday, a mandatory Covid screening, with surgery check-in Tuesday morning at 10;15. If you have time and room in your heart to watch the kids during any of these appointments, let me know! I'm also going to turn on the MealTrain page connected to this page, if you want to minister to us in that way. Thank you for taking the time to read this entry, and for your prayer, love, and support. We wouldn't get far on this journey without God's people and His faithfulness carrying us through.