The other night, after thinking I had my emotions under complete control, I got a hug from a friend and unraveled.  I am realizing the facade is not having emotions under control, the exact opposite. I have been just trying to hold steady, not rage against all of this, basically, fake it till I make it. It works sometime, not always. I know it will get better with time, I am just very impatient. Wish me luck!