Journal entry by Kelly Gyger —
So when you don't know where to start, don't want to start, don't know how to start, would rather just not start at all but know that you need to, you just jump in and hope for the best.
Yesterday we had mom's appointment in Rochester as somewhat of a follow up before her upcoming trip. Prior to this, it was determined that the chemo they had her on was not working, so they switched her back to what HAD been working at the very beginning. However, that came with some doubt as Pancreatic cancer has many personalities during it's terroristic path of destruction. There were no guarantees that this original chemo would work given this horrible characteristic, and, it didn't. The cancer laughed in our faces at such an idea.
Where as there are no new tumors, (a positive take away) there was growth on the original PC tumor, and on a couple of the existing spots on her liver. Her lungs remained stable, and the tumors on her 2 vertebrae have been put in their place.
All of this being said, the chemo is of course making her feel crappy. She has lost all of her hair this time, and the fatigue is just too much. Food doesn't taste good and she is battling her appetite daily. And for what? I am 1,000% convinced that the reason PC patients have such a short life span, is not necessarily the cancer, but the chemo. Nobody knows they have PC until they do, and then they go on chemo and die. Our bodies were not designed to withstand such high doses of poison. (I am 3 steps up the ladder to the top of my soapbox and should probably take a moment to climb back down). So, she has decided to stop the poison infusions and rely solely on the protocol for her treatment. There is NO DOUBT in my mind, that my mom is here today, because of that protocol. She can no longer include herself in the standard PC survival rate statistics put out there by our government and western medicine. It doesn't apply to her. She has a wonderful doctor in Rochester and even she told her yesterday, "you have already defied the odds". These words are priceless. BUT, it doesn't take away that sting that comes along with the "standard procedure" when deciding on the next steps. We went in with the attitude that NOBODY gets to tell you "when". Nobody. We learned that the first time. There is only ONE who has the power to say "when" and that "One", knew "when", way before she was even born and that is what we will hang onto. That day will come as He has planned whether it's the cancer or something else. So there. But... it still hurt. The mental flex that has carried one through this, endured an unbearable cramp as words not to my liking fell on ears trying not to hear. You have no idea how badly I want to cover both ears with my sweaty hands and scream "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ICANTHEARYOU!! like a raging, defiant overtired 2 year old. But I resisted.
Moving forward. Mom will continue the protocol. I have been nothing short of obsessive when it comes to, "what can we do next", and there is more. There is LOTS more. The success stories are unreal. PC doesn't have to end the way they say it does, and there are real people proving this every single day. Unfortunately, you don't get to hear about these triumphs because there is no money in it.
Attitude also plays a huge roll in how cancer plays out, and her attitude has been on point. Please pray that this continues. We are moving forward. We are not stopping. Prayerfully, the psychological aspect doesn't overtake, and she can live her life in full bloom. Our attitudes will be just as important as hers. We will not entertain dying. We won't think about next Christmas or next birthday or next year. Plan the trip, buy the treasure, feed the soul and not the cancer. It's the only way, unless He says otherwise. He is the ONLY authority on this.
Ending this on a lighter note, mom and Deanna will be heading out once again, to South Carolina to spend some time with the 2 that left home and never came back. And to make things even more exciting, my kids, my amazing kids, gathered and rallied together, and bought me a plane ticket to SC, and trip to the beach with mom, Deanna, Trish and Darlene. Just us 5 girls on the ocean, in a condo, for 3 nights. My heart is full and cup runneth over. I can't think of a better birthday gift, and one that I will treasure forever and ever. This time for us to be together will be precious to say the least.
Please continue your prayers. Prayers for the courage to remain strong and positive. Pray that mom can stay on top of the mental warfare that this beast can create. Pray that she can continue to defy the odds. But mostly, pray for peace no matter the outcome. In the end, He decides.
Until next time....
Happy Easter.
Yesterday we had mom's appointment in Rochester as somewhat of a follow up before her upcoming trip. Prior to this, it was determined that the chemo they had her on was not working, so they switched her back to what HAD been working at the very beginning. However, that came with some doubt as Pancreatic cancer has many personalities during it's terroristic path of destruction. There were no guarantees that this original chemo would work given this horrible characteristic, and, it didn't. The cancer laughed in our faces at such an idea.
Where as there are no new tumors, (a positive take away) there was growth on the original PC tumor, and on a couple of the existing spots on her liver. Her lungs remained stable, and the tumors on her 2 vertebrae have been put in their place.
All of this being said, the chemo is of course making her feel crappy. She has lost all of her hair this time, and the fatigue is just too much. Food doesn't taste good and she is battling her appetite daily. And for what? I am 1,000% convinced that the reason PC patients have such a short life span, is not necessarily the cancer, but the chemo. Nobody knows they have PC until they do, and then they go on chemo and die. Our bodies were not designed to withstand such high doses of poison. (I am 3 steps up the ladder to the top of my soapbox and should probably take a moment to climb back down). So, she has decided to stop the poison infusions and rely solely on the protocol for her treatment. There is NO DOUBT in my mind, that my mom is here today, because of that protocol. She can no longer include herself in the standard PC survival rate statistics put out there by our government and western medicine. It doesn't apply to her. She has a wonderful doctor in Rochester and even she told her yesterday, "you have already defied the odds". These words are priceless. BUT, it doesn't take away that sting that comes along with the "standard procedure" when deciding on the next steps. We went in with the attitude that NOBODY gets to tell you "when". Nobody. We learned that the first time. There is only ONE who has the power to say "when" and that "One", knew "when", way before she was even born and that is what we will hang onto. That day will come as He has planned whether it's the cancer or something else. So there. But... it still hurt. The mental flex that has carried one through this, endured an unbearable cramp as words not to my liking fell on ears trying not to hear. You have no idea how badly I want to cover both ears with my sweaty hands and scream "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ICANTHEARYOU!! like a raging, defiant overtired 2 year old. But I resisted.
Moving forward. Mom will continue the protocol. I have been nothing short of obsessive when it comes to, "what can we do next", and there is more. There is LOTS more. The success stories are unreal. PC doesn't have to end the way they say it does, and there are real people proving this every single day. Unfortunately, you don't get to hear about these triumphs because there is no money in it.
Attitude also plays a huge roll in how cancer plays out, and her attitude has been on point. Please pray that this continues. We are moving forward. We are not stopping. Prayerfully, the psychological aspect doesn't overtake, and she can live her life in full bloom. Our attitudes will be just as important as hers. We will not entertain dying. We won't think about next Christmas or next birthday or next year. Plan the trip, buy the treasure, feed the soul and not the cancer. It's the only way, unless He says otherwise. He is the ONLY authority on this.
Ending this on a lighter note, mom and Deanna will be heading out once again, to South Carolina to spend some time with the 2 that left home and never came back. And to make things even more exciting, my kids, my amazing kids, gathered and rallied together, and bought me a plane ticket to SC, and trip to the beach with mom, Deanna, Trish and Darlene. Just us 5 girls on the ocean, in a condo, for 3 nights. My heart is full and cup runneth over. I can't think of a better birthday gift, and one that I will treasure forever and ever. This time for us to be together will be precious to say the least.
Please continue your prayers. Prayers for the courage to remain strong and positive. Pray that mom can stay on top of the mental warfare that this beast can create. Pray that she can continue to defy the odds. But mostly, pray for peace no matter the outcome. In the end, He decides.
Until next time....
Happy Easter.
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