Good morning everyone! 

I know I haven’t written in a while, I guess I’ve just wanted to make sure my heart was in the right place before I wrote. 

Folks, I am doing much, much better :) I am still dealing with symptoms every day, but the level of severity and debilitation of them is constantly decreasing, we are finding. I wanted to share this with you so that everyone who has prayed for us and helped us with their giving could give praises to God. I wanted to be careful in writing about progress in case I experienced any major setbacks, I guess I just wanted to be sure. We’ve been through so much, and I feel like the enemy has tried every opportunity to find new ways to oppress us since we’ve been away from the clinic. But for the most part they’ve all been more circumstantial than symptom related.

This morning I was wide awake at 6, which was so nice. Usually I’ve been having a lot of trouble waking up and getting going, plus my sleeping has not been very good the last few weeks. But a quick call to my angel nurse Candace Elizabeth Wingfield with some adjustments in supplements and I’m doing better in that area 👍 I am thinking better, finding words easier, and not getting mentally fatigued as easily. These are all still not 100% so the healing continues, but we have no reason to believe it won’t continue to improve. And...I got de-accesed from my port on Monday. I have not been de-accessed since April. How wonderful it is to be able to shower normally and to be able to pick up my kids again! And to not have to be hooked up to an IV bag for so much of the day. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about our friends that are currently being treated at the clinic. I have reached out to many of them with encouragement, to know that there is another side once treatment is finished and your body starts finally working for you on its own. Briana and I miss our friends in Florida, both staff and patients, very very much. I was crying like a baby the other night because I missed them so much, don’t even care about admitting it. You see, there is a very specific unity that we feel with these people, because they understand all too well the awfulness of these toxin-induced symptoms, and the hopelessness you feel when the medical world shuns you or writes you off, usually as needing psychiatric help. We spoke with a woman at the clinic the other night, who was expressing symptoms exactly like mine, and though I feel for her in her struggle, I am grateful that she would share with us because I feel validated yet again that what I’ve experienced is very real, and we were blessed to offer our encouragement to her. 

Briana suggested that I seek out spiritual counseling while I’m healing, which I felt guarded about, because it’s become harder for me to trust people in telling them my story because they don’t seem to “get it” and therefore it makes me feel marginalized in what I’ve been through. I was hesitant, but she suggested a specific pastor up here in the high desert, one who I knew of due to his powerful testimony in deliverance from a life of addiction. I met with the pastor this week and left with a renewed and empowering spirit. I’ve wrestled with God so much through this because I never could make sense of any of it. What was the point of it all? The point was so that we will be used to help others in similar circumstances. We’ve already seen this happening. I remember during my long conversations with my dad on the phone while I was in the black hole; I would ask him what the point in this was. He would say it’s because God is going to use us to help others. This didn’t mean anything to me because I couldn’t feel God, nor would the words of scripture mean anything to me (frankly I couldn’t even focus enough to read anything). I’d done enough research in my christian walk before I got sick to know that logically the evidence for God’s existence was overwhelming, and I experienced the rich blessings of feeling His presence in my life. So after getting sick, and having this knowledge, but no longer experiencing the joy of the Lord, I pondered what the point of it all was. I knew He was there, but I couldn’t feel Him. I could not feel anything. I know it sounds weird but the patients at the clinic know exactly what I’m talking about. How miserable it was. This neurological hell. 

But I CAN FEEL AGAIN! Oh the joy of it all! Praise the LORD!! I downloaded The Word For Today app with pastor Chuck Smith and am enjoying just listening to him go through the Bible cover to cover. I’m so grateful for this I can’t even tell you. 

I’ve posted some pictures from the last month since we’ve been home, and some from our last day in Florida, which was actually Seth’s birthday. Thank you all for your prayers and financial support. The future is bright :)

Lamentations 3:22-33

Ben