This is a long awaited story that some people might related to, some might not like, or just won't care at all about but i feel as if i share my story i can find some answers and also just get some of this off my chest, So without further ado here's whats going on.... A few months ago i met a guy through a mutual friend of me and his. We got to talking and starting having feelings very shortly after becoming close friends, so we decided to make it official. Now this isn't going to be a story of how i caught him cheating or how awful he treats me. But more so how im question his actions and what he chooses to do. Let me explain what i mean....After dating for a little while everything seems to being going okay im happy with him and as far as i know hes happy being with me to...The only problem is that i know a secret he has no idea i found out about.....It happened about a week ago ive been noticing that my boyfriend hasn't shown much interest in having sex and wanting to be intimate very much with me. Now being someone who has been cheated on in the past i automatically assumed he was seeing another female around my back. So i decided to go through hes social media which i know is wrong but i felt as if are relationship was on the line and i was driving myself crazy not know if he is loyal or not. One night after he fell asleep i took his phone and began looking through hes social media and pictures anywhere that potentially have any sort of evidence. I couldn't find anything so i thought maybe he was finding woman on the internet on dating sites and such so i went to his internet history and i found something i didn't expect to find. It was a bunch of history of porn. Now i know what you might be thinking, wow that's it, WTF @#$%^, there are many reacts we all might have to this but my reaction was just pure shock. Right after getting the shock immediately after all i felt was anger and then right after that was pain. How could he do this... I was so close to waking him up and question and arguing with him right then and there but a fit of million emotions i stopped myself. I can't explain to you why i just did. I deleted all evidence of me being there and put his phone away and went to sleep. That was one of the hardest nights of sleep ive ever had, nothing but tossing and turning and avoiding his snuggles and cuddles all night but i did manage to fall asleep the next day when i woke up he had already been gone to work. I had remembered what i had found and i had honestly had a loss for words and thoughts and really anything. I spent the whole day just laying in my bed thinking and wondering "should i tell him?", "should i be mad","does this mean he doesn't find me attractive anymore?","does he want to break up?"."why is he keeping this from me?. My mind just flooded with question after question after question. Later that day i get a text from him only  his break, acting completely normal calling me baby and being really sweet. I didn't know what to say to him all the prevese emotions i firs felt after i first found out flooded back into my heart. I wanted to tell him and ask him why i wanted to know why and still want to know why so desperately. But again i kept my mouth shut i acted completely normal. But see that's kinda why im lost i kept quiet and still continue to keep quiet i act normal around him and are relationship keeps moving forward. Which i quess is a good thing but i feel so heavy with all these images and thoughts and all the questions in my head. I don't feel as if hes cheating on me by watching porn or anything but it still like a betrayal... Its one of those things that are sorta hard to explain to say the least. After finding out i still feel love for him and still want a relationship with him. I just constantly overthink and worry about the whole idea of him watching porn. Not only was the porn nothing like what i would image his porn history to be like. But also the fact he watches porn all together. I don't really know what to do in this situation i don't feel as if its anyone elses business but me and his but also i really want answers so for right now im just gonna keep quiet and try and find answers in another way. I'm not gonna cause a argument about it and im not gonna expose or ask questions to anyone directly. I wrote this story for answers can you please help me.?!?!

 

1. Does this mean he doesn't find me attractive anymore?

2.Am i to boring for him?

3.Does he not like girls like me like he claimed?

4.Am i in the wrong for snooping?

5.Did i inflict this on myself?

6.Should i worry that hes watching porn?

7.Should i talk to my partner about it?

8.Does this mean hes cheating?

9.Does feeling betrayal about this stupid?

10.Why is he keeping it a secret?

 

I don't know what to do.......