Hey everyone, mom today's my birthday, and I know some of you will be shocked to know that I'm now 33, I know shocking. But I'm really excited about getting older, well sort of. Today I stayed at home and didn't do much, tomorrow after work I'm going to be staying at uncle Eric's since I haven't been over there (long story) I'm very happy to be 33, I'm getting older which is ok

Unrelated to my birthday, I'm still working, last week I had gotten a raise from work, I've been with my job for 2 years now. I started working on January 7th just a day before my mom's birthday, I've continued working before and after my mom passed. I know I haven't been writing much on this website, and I know many of you were wondering where I was, well......... I'm back!

I got another tattoo, this time I got my mom's name above my dad's name on my right shoulder, it says Nicole 1970-2020 her birth year and the year she passed

I want to share with you what happened yesterday, well I was eating dinner and I had a breakdown, I almost started crying here's why, well Saturday is Christmas and I miss my mom. This is the second Christmas without her. I'm super thankful that I still have family who I can spend Christmas with, last year was the first Christmas, the way I got through Christmas was my family, they helped me. On Christmas Day I'm going to the movies with Trae we're going to see Spider-Man (I know, I'm going to see a Marvel movie shocking) I also want to go to the cemetery to visit my parents. I wonder if I can do that on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas mom🎄🎁❄️☃️😘😘😘

Mom next week I'm going to my other favorite place and this time it's not Orlando, no this time I'm going to Los Angeles California to visit uncle Chris, auntie Megan and Olivia. While there I'm going to Universal Studios, the beach, and to Hollywood, my best friend also lives in Los Angeles so I'll hangout with her. At Universal Studios, we're not going to Disneyland this year maybe next year if I go again then I'll be able to go to Disneyland.

I wish you were here to come with me, it'll be my first trip to California without you and yes I'll be flying out there by myself. Auntie Charise is going to drive me to the airport and she'll stay with me until I get on, similar to what you used to do when I always went to NOLA during the summer. I'll give uncle Chris, Olivia and auntie a big hug for you.

Well I'm going back and forth with posting a lot of stuff on Instagram and on here, I haven't been on social media since before my mom's passing, Tonya my friend I miss chatting with you when I was on Facebook, then you surprised me when I was doing security. Sadly I'm not doing that anymore (long story) anyway I'm back on social media but I'm not on Facebook anymore just Instagram.

I know that I haven't been posting on this site, I've been posting a lot on Instagram these days. Well for those of you who were wondering what I've been doing, well.......... I've been working a lot these days I'm still working at Advanced Auto Parts and I still like it. I'm getting ready for this vacation I'm going on in a few weeks, I'm going to Los Angeles to visit uncle Chris, aunt Megan, Olivia and my best friend Kandice, who lives out there.


And yes I'll be traveling to L.A by myself which I'm used to doing since I've flown to New Orleans when I was 12 without my mom with me, that was my first time flying out on the plane by myself, I was nervous about it but I had fun. I've traveled to Los Angeles with my mom and dad when I was a kid, now I'm going to be traveling to Los Angeles without my mom and dad, I'm going to have so much fun! We're going to Universal Studios, my friend is going to be meeting me there so we can catch up, we're going to the beach so I can swim and just hangout, then we're going to Hollywood to look at stuff and walk around, sadly I won't be able to see the movie studio uncle Chris is working at, but hopefully when I do get to fly out to California again I'll be able to. The trip will be fun!

And oh yeah hi mom, how are you doing? I hope you're doing ok, I'll give uncle Chris, aunt Megan and Olivia a hug for you when I see them in a few weeks.

I know that I’m writing a lot on this journal but this actually helps me out with expressing myself, well I’m just updating my mom about this upcoming Monday which is the premier of the commercial that I’m featured in. I wish she was here to see it, see when I first heard from my job coach that I was chosen for the commercial I immediately told Ms Monica about it and she was very happy and she was going to take me to the commercial shoot, but then my aunt Megan texted Cindy who volunteered to take me. Well Cindy stayed with me while I was filming the commercial. I might watch the commercial on Monday since I’m probably going to be staying home because of the snowstorm. I’m actually really nervous about seeing myself in a commercial though

Dear mom Tuesday was very difficult it was the anniversary of your passing, aunt sari took me and my grandmother to visit you and my dad, I can’t believe that it’s been a year ago since we lost you. 2020 was a terrible year, I’m being taken care of by these following people: aunt Sari, uncle Eric, uncle Chris, aunt Megan, your friends aunt Lisa, Tia, Tina, Cindy, mariella, Shelly. I text them now and then since they added me to their group texts, I wasn’t ready to lose you, I really enjoyed having you in my life, last week I had written a song about you, I was going to play it for you when I was visiting but I forgot to. Remember when I used to rap at our old house you were downstairs and I was in my room? Good times, I’m sad that I can’t rap anymore..... well actually I can still rap. I make songs at the day program. Mom I wish you were here, On Tuesday grandma had shown Aaliyah a picture of you and her and Aaliyah sadly put her hand on the picture and said that you’re gone too long and that she wants to grab you. Aaliyah misses you a lot. You and Aaliyah and Trae had great conversations especially you and Olivia.

Well mom that’s my update I’m heading to work, getting ready for this snowstorm that’s going to happen...... yes you heard me I said that there’s a snowstorm coming a blizzard actually, tomorrow I might stay home from work, I’ll have to talk to Ms Monica about it when I go home today. Alright well I love you, tell my dad, my grandpa, my great-grandfather, my other aunt Lisa, aunt Kris and everyone I said hi, miss all of you❤️💜

So a few weeks ago at the day program I had wrote a song dedicated to my mom and it’s called “my inspiration” throughout the song I talk about how my mom inspired me to do everything that I do now on a daily basis, and I talk about the stuff that I loved doing with her like traveling, going to the movies, and just hanging out together. At first I thought well maybe I should rap it, but then I thought well I should just talk. At the end of the song I said that I’m getting stronger which is true, see throughout the years I’ve been through a lot of heartbreaks. After losing my dad before my high school graduation me and my mom’s life had changed, then later in 2007 my grandfather passed away due to lung cancer, then now I had lost my mom last year due to colon and liver cancer. It took me a long time to get over losing my dad, my grandfather, and aunt Kris (who had the same cancer my mom had) I sent a link to the song to my uncle Chris so that he could hear it, I also sent it to a family friend Kit so she could hear it. Then to my mom’s friends, I got positive feedback for the song. Writing music helps me with the sudden loss of my mom and so does talking about it. Sure I cried on Tuesday when I went to the cemetery with my aunt and my grandmother I did however gave my mom a huge hug and in my mind I could hear my mom saying “Brandon I miss these hugs”

I’m extremely happy that my uncle had set up this journal it keeps me feel connected to my mom

Well March 9th is over, I did great I cried here and there, I went to the cemetery with aunt Sari and my grandmother. I told my mom what I’ve been doing, it was a very sad day, it’s been a long depressing year, it doesn’t seem that long ago since I lost my mom last year. I’m thankful that I have family who I can always talk to, I also have my mom’s friends (my extended family) and also Lorna who is my cousin, I’m happy that I went to the cemetery to visit my mom and dad, I seriously needed that. After talking with my mom I gave her plaque a big hug and I was smiling wide because I could hear my mom saying “I miss these big hugs.” My grandmother Cynthia Bell posted on Facebook about how Aaliyah (who loved her auntie Nikki terribly) saw a picture of her and her auntie, Aaliyah had touched grandma’s phone and sadly told her that “auntie Nikki’s been up there for too long, let me grab her!” Mom Aaliyah is 5 years old now, she misses you a lot everyone does, I’m going to miss bugging you on the weekends.

You were fun to hangout with mom, I really enjoyed living with you, last year was a bust, I was listening to Prince and watching the Marvel movies on Disney+ and also texting your friends (I’m in a group text) alright mom I have to work tomorrow, which I’m not happy about😣 love ya💜💜💜💜