I’m not sure how many people still will be reading this journal, but I wanted to document all the ways in which we’ve honored Ned over these past 2 years since he’s left this earth. You'll see I had to divide it into a few posts to get in all the photos, so be sure to click ahead.

We've just made it through the most difficult time of the year as we are reminded of the passing of time with Ned's birthday (8/10), our wedding anniversary (9/4), and Ned's death (9/25). The grief wave is big and strong during these months and my body feels it deeply. It's constant fatigue after a good nights sleep. It's mental exhaustion from simple, everyday tasks. It's feeling sick all day long and forcing a smile as we try to navigate an already difficult transition into a new school year. It's all still there with the same intensity as 2 years ago, but we're learning how to carry it better. And for those people that make space for us to share these struggles and be around to sit in the discomfort, it makes for a lighter load that we are so grateful for.  

Just recently we spent his death anniversary learning to surf in Lake Michigan at sunrise. We went to a Red Sox game in Boston with Ian and his family  to celebrate his birthday. And I took the kids to a Lumineers concert for our anniversary.

We promised Ned we’d continue seeking out adventure and we aim to experience all the simple and beautiful things life has to offer. We feel him deeply with us during these times, especially in nature. He often shows up for us in the most fabulous ways with bright pinky orange skies and rainbows at perfectly unusual times. 

Soon after Ned's death we traveled to our favorite family ski spot in Deer Valley in Utah. Ned was due to make the trip with us on two separate occasions while he was sick and both were sadly canceled due to his health and covid. The kids decided that since he couldn't make it to the mountains like he wanted to before his death, that he should make the trip with us. We brought a small portion of his ashes to be scattered amongst the beautiful aspens off a run called Homeward Bound. We visited Ned again when we went back last year and plan to each year.

We  found as we approached Ned's birthday last year that we were all yearning for a physical place to visit Ned here in Wilmette. He was very vocal about wanting to be cremated and to have his final resting spot be in Lake Michigan. As a family we just wanted to be sure we had a physical memorial for him at the lake before we set him free. Since our local beachwalk is being redesigned currently, we decided to make a memorial at our local park behind our house as we wait for our spot at the beach. Vattmann Park was a special place that Ned would visit with Tessa everyday. He'd often rest and meditate or enjoy hanging out with our kids or neighbors there. He coached little league soccer there for many years. And our amazing community held a vigil for Ned there the night after he died. Now I visit the park daily with Tessa to feel close to him. We placed a rock with an inscription under a tree there to honor him. This summer the kids planted flowers around it and someone just adorned it with beautiful mums.  We've heard many friends in the neighborhood enjoy sitting at the bench near the rock to spend time with Ned. 

There were so many special stories shared for the book of stories!! THANK YOU! And the stories still continue with the random texts/emails and musings when we’re together with friends and family. We love hearing about the times you’ve thought of Ned, honored Ned, listened to his voice when you needed his advice, or shared a memory. His presence is very much felt and we love talking about him.

It has been such a joy to see each of the children discover their own unique ways to carry Ned with them in their daily lives. And I know this will continue to change and evolve as their relationship with Ned develops over the years. 

Finn (and I) recently purchased a vintage car and he lobbied hard for vanity plates. How could I resist?? He and Ned bonded over cars (especially German cars) after our trip to Germany and watching Ford vs Ferrari together during his sick days. This fun car has satiated his engineering mind as he loves tinkering away on it with his friends! It’s looking good and running well enough that he’s started entering it in classic car shows on the weekends. I’m counting down the days until he gets his license and can run and replace the empty milk cartons that he likes to set in the fridge after he’s finished them ;)

Beckett has been creating a Book of Daddy with his therapist, full of his own memories, regrets, thoughts to share with Ned, etc. Beckett is paving his own path, but is happy to follow in his daddy’s footsteps as he’s deeply connected to his legacy in the lacrosse world (more on that to come). Beckett proudly wears his Daddy's number 31 as a midfielder and I catch him often in the backyard with Neds old long stick from his days of playing at Yale.

I know many of you remember Ned’s fondness of singing with Eliza. Ned was also a talented musician on the piano, guitar, and bass. Eliza has inherited this gene and started guitar lessons this summer. Her teacher discovered that it’s impossible for Eliza to play guitar and NOT sing, so the lessons have become voice and guitar lessons. This girl just feels the music! We just restrung her Daddy’s guitar and she’s now grown enough to play it as her own. I’ve included a short clip of her recital this summer with her close friend on the piano. 

Little Miss Cecily is still coming into her own!! Her confidence, sense of adventure, and kind heart have blossomed lately as her sense of safety in the world increases each day. She is fearless in many ways. A lover of all things on the water... kayaking, swimming, paddle boarding. Don’t tell the other kids, but she was definitely the best at surfing! She rides Ned’s old longboard around the neighborhood and reminds us of him so much with her big brown eyes and deeply observing stares through her glasses. 

We are living a beautiful life with Ned in our hearts everyday. And I am finally able to believe there is a bright future ahead  for me and our children without Ned by our side.