Journal

May
23
2012

Untitled

Hello-

I wanted to update to honor Nate for the second anniversary of his passing..

It's actually hard to believe it's been 2 years when it still feels like yesterday. I did sorta take the week from Mother's day to May 21st to just 'be' the pain... from that deep understanding of God to be able to keep your faith regardless of what is going on around you.. your heart remains open to God..yet hard to do consistlently..there are times when you have to feel the pain- in essence be the pain knowing that God will take it from you when you are ready... I find days where I am still waiting for God to take it..

We didn't plan anything big.I found it sweet the baseball team did a camp out on the field and lit candles in a #17. I have also been touched by many texts, facebook messages, pictures and lyrics.. "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen"  Thank you for for remembering him! :)

As a family we decided to honor him quietly. Everyone being home, we decided to play cards and go to his favorite dinner place. First round of games proved Nate taught his siblings well and cheating was rampant..even Mark got caught.. causing some belly laughs!

Then we were taking dogs before dinner.. Mark came with me on his bike while the kids got ready.. yet Nate is still the oldest and in control. As I was running, TJ stopped and sniffed, I kept going until a heron flew above me while Mark Schultz "He's My son" bellowed on my ipod.. I stopped, looked for TJ as he had his paw up.. not able to put weight on it, we made it to water, called Mark, got him to the vet and it was a rattlesnake bite.. We missed dinner. Was at the vet til 9pm and ended up with take out. Totally feel Nate saying not to make a big deal of all this ..keep it simple... and a little scare for TJ  but I know from the '08 surgery you can have crossing experiences so maybe TJ needed to have some Nate time..

Either way.. I am grounding him in heaven for being so ornery!! although I was told to send him to his room would be a baseball field where he can play catch with Lou Gehrig so .. what was my point? ;)

So we ended up with take out.. played more cards and made the best of it. As it feels like yesterday and I look back to feel more... I am reminded.. "life is lived forward but understood backward" Soren Kieregaard yet I think Nate would say to understand it while it's happening.. and I am working on his story with a blog.. www.natesjurney.wordpress.com and criticism is welcome! Its at the very beginning stages.

Again- thank you for being there. from the beginning to now, always and in all ways.. we so appreciate the sharing of a life with all of you.We all have the opportunity to do something to leave this place a little better than when we got here.. I believe Nate did that as did many of you who have touched me and made me better for it! Thank you, deeply.

Blessings-

~Sal



 

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