Journal

Journal entry by Sarah Jurney

November 21st marked 6 months. It was also a full moon. :) It still feels odd to me to count, as if there is a magic number that will make this all go away, yet 6 months being right before Thanksgiving seemed appropriate.
We are still so very grateful for all the blessings we have been given.

Nate is still managing to get around! Mark did go to the first world series game in San Francisco. He was able to spread some of Nates ashes on the field. One of Nate's latest was to go to a World Series game every year. A tradition that will be carried out in his honor.

Nicole and I are heading to Florida this weekend. It is my nieces bridal shower. We are planning on hitting Nate's favorite beach there and spreading some of his ashes as well as taking in the dolphins.  I will also giggle at the many times he went in to the ocean with his phone in pocket. He did so appreciate his time there.
 
I did manage to put up my Christmas tree. It is always of white lights and a collection of ornaments grouped in fours to pass on to the kids as they grow and leave. I was dreading it, YET, embraced it and found peace. It is different- and Nate's ornaments are on garland next to the tree. I am still mystified by the glow of the tree. Seeing the core/trunk as love, branches as our faith, lights as our hope and ornaments as our joy. All together bringing peace. The comfort the tree reflects thru the room and enters my soul, even as heavy as my heart is this year. I am seeking God's spirit. Feeling closer to Mary this year. That need to follow a star of pure, raw faith in blessings, honor and gratitude. The knowing that God is always in control and knowing what is best regardless of how dark and alone it may be. My favorite Christmas song has always been "Breath of Heaven, Mary's Song" by Amy Grant. I am thinking of Mary and searching my own star of hope, faith, light and peace. The breath of heaven to lighten my darkness. May you all find it as well.

Love is the reason for this season and we pass it on to you. We are very blessed for all of you. Thank you is still not enough to express how we feel.

Love to you all, now and for always!
~Sal

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Journal entry by Sarah Jurney

Hello-
We made it thru four months. seems weird to kind of count them.. but in some ways that is what it is. I don't think the higher the number will change anything... from what I am told... 104 months is no different than just 4 months nor will be 1004 months. Yet.. I still choose to believe God is good. And all is for perfection.
"The theory is that in spite of how everything looks on the surface, there is a spiritual purpose behind everything, and it's our soul's choice to have a particular experience. What's more, we actually invite other people into our lives to act out some of the things that appear to be extremely damaging to us, because we want the experience for our soul's growth. Everything happens for a reason and there's a certain perfection in everything. We are really talking about two different worlds here. There's the world of humanity, in which the experience was embedded. But we also live, simultaneously, in another world, -the spiritual world. From the perspecitve of this world, there is perfection in everything that happens, there are no mistakes, and each one of us is on a journey of growth."
-Colin Tipping

So I guess depending on the day depends which world we all are deciding to be in. I know for me.. I like the spiritual world better.. although the world of humanity truly is embedded within us as well. 

Dave is doing well. We were able to see him last weekend for his birthday due to Dan playing football up in Ft Collins. Nicole is looking forward to seeing him tomorrow for the Rockies game.

We do have a project coming up. Mark is continueing with WIN THE BATTLE. The next event is a wine tasting at Ace Hardware in Arvada (64th &McIntrye) on October 2nd. It's being catered by Carrabas and is $10 at the door. There will be a silent auction as well. It should be a great evening. It starts at 6pm..

Thank you again for all of you being there. We still breathe in the kind words, acts of love, prayers and concern. we truly do appreciate you. Love is the flow of life.
Blessings,
~Sal

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Journal entry by Sarah Jurney

Hello-
There are no coincidences in life.. only God-cidences!!

I wanted to invite you all to participate in a night at the Rockies honoring Childhood Cancer Awareness.
Date: September 24th
Time: 6:10
Against the San Francisco Giants- and fireworks at end of the game!!!!!!
$3 of every tix sold will go to Kids Cancer Research
Tickets are $25 and to order please make checks payable to Colorado Cancer Coalition and mail to:
Patty Robinson
Heritage Title Co
19751 E Main St #365
Parker, CO 80138-7378

Order deadline is fast approaching.... as they will mail you back your tickets..

God-cidences...  During the RV play off games this past season... RV played Regis.. there was a moment of silence before the game- for both teams had lost a player to childhood cancer. Nate for RV and Chris Robinson for Regis. We knew Chris thru the clinic.. and it is Chris's mom speer heading this coalition. 
As we somewhat followed Chris... I was also in contact with a mom whose son had a different type of cancer and went to Pomona. He made it 'home' this July 4th... hence why there will be fireworks!!!
So I can't help but feel there is no place where God is not and these three presences will be felt the night of this game... and I have no doubt I will feel Hope as well and since it is at Coors Field.. Keli will be there.

Leave a note or email if you have any questions!!!
I am honored to be able to assist Patty in getting the word out for this fun event!!!!
Play Ball!!!!!
Love and Blessings
~Sal

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Journal entry by Sarah Jurney

"when you are sorrowful look in to your heart and you shall see that you are weeping for that which has been your delight." Kahlil Gibran

It has still been a whirlwind. As we are at the three month moment, we have taken Dave to college, Daniel started High School and Nicole is riding the wave of Senior year!! 
We are still each taking life as it comes in our own way.

Dave has had numerous encounters with the numbers 11 and 17. from leaving out of gate 17, to grocery shopping with a total of 117 to a Rockies game with a 110 start in  a row 1 seat 7 ticket for Ubaldo's 17th win.  Way cool and brings him comfort. His dorm number up at college is 117 as well...
We all tend to feel Nate in our own way. Although he is not here physically, he is within us all spiritually.
I think Dave gets his numbers more for the strength to be away at school. I see Nicole becoming in to her own and gaining her sense of self... Daniel has just been busy. I think he is the one who will deal with all of this on his time, in his way, on his terms and geez.. who does that remind me of??? LOL
Mark, kind of like Nicole, is coming in to his own thru all of this. I know they say there are steps, its a process, don't do anything for a year, etc... yet.. life still flows. It is still moment to moment, and no right way or wrong way to take in a day.
I do find comfort when starting to be to overwhelmed.. to stop, breathe in the blessing of having been within Nate's life..to the point of being honored to have been his mom.. what an honor.. to the point of being so grateful God chose me for that honor and truly feel thankful....to the point of only feeling appreciation for all the moments I did have. As I get to that point, I tend to feel his presence surround me.
We do still feel so blessed to be a part of all of you. The kindness and support is still embedded in our hearts and we are forever grateful.
Blessings and Love,
~Sal

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Journal entry by Sarah Jurney

 Hello-
I wanted to update how the Win The Battle tournament went.
It was amazing..there were 18 teams.. ( one had to drop out so we ended up with 17 teams) we had 12 teams last year.
There were some fun raffle items, cool silent auction items, and the true hoot was watching the 'dads' and 'coaches' try to win the Home Run Derby... ( proved my point that men are just little boys in bigger bodies!! ha) although I did see a few moms..... :)
Despite how hot it was... it was a good time. Mark did receive an email from a couple teams on how much fun they had. :) HUGE thank you to all who volunteered, stopped by, participated, and just sent thoughts, prayers and love!! Always humbles me...   " the basis of understanding the difference between believing you are blessed to observing the grace of God in action"
AND...
We met the family today who benefited from this event. Little boy named Casey who plays Lacrosse. He is 12 and has leukemia. Still has a battle ahead of him but his spirit shines thru!! Our prayers will continue to go out to him and his family.
We met them at the clinic. I think both Mark and I had mixed feelings with going back. Yet, I think God is always with us. As we walked in I noticed how things were different.. they had been remodeling. Off the elevator to the 6th floor was completely different. paint, carpet, just the feel of it.... had my moment of appreciating that. Just knowing nothing is stagnant.. and change can be fearful but that doesn't mean bad. not sure what it would have felt like to have it be the same..yet it will never be the same... so embraced the change with comfort. :)
The next Win the Battle event will be wine tasting at Ace Hardware in October. Will keep you updated with that!

As July closes out.. we will slow down a little bit..it's been wild with baseball, football for Daniel, work and some social activities for David, and some work and more social activties for Nicole!! LOL
Time to re-adjust, focus on school starting, and what life now brings.
Thank you for always checking in and being there. We truly do appreciate it.
"You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see,- but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel."

Love and Blessings
~Sal

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Journal entry by Sarah Jurney

Okay- this is a good way to update....
Incase you missed it... you can see it thru this link as well as read the article!

http://www.9news.com/news/article.aspx?storyid=143052&catid=188

Kim Christiansen and Eric Kehe interviewed Mark about Win the Battle a bit a go as they were putting a story together about it as well as Nate.

We just heard it is going to be airing today..at 4pm on channel 9.
www.winthebattle.org

Just wanted to let you all know...
Thanks again for being there!!
Love and Blessings-
~Sal
"To live in the hearts you leave behind is not to die"

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Journal entry by Sarah Jurney

hello-
Just can't go to bed without a comment on the Rockies game tonight.
The giggle for us is who went. We had four tickets and it was 'girls night'. Nicole wanted them with her friends but one couldn't go so Dave ended up going with them. That in itself was hilarious.
BUT.. the girls didn't last long.. so they left early!!!!!!
So our BIG giggle is the win in the bottom of the 9th- with Dave at home!!
 I asked Nicole if she could hear.. "Hey, Jerk!!!" .. Dave was dying.. that they make this big come back and he left. LOL... yep- I think Nate is having fun. 9 run come back in the bottom of the 9th??? too funny. If baseball is life.. there is your lesson on perseverance and never give up. A score is all in perspective.

So we ended the day on the giggle... started it with this song... A friend sent it to me this morning...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPrmXSJY1CY&feature=related

We have been busy with ..life??? Dan is playing baseball, Dave is working and did get Lasik.. he loves it!! Nicole is working and being too social... :)  Mark is getting ready for the Win the Battle Tournament. www.winthebattle.org

I am looking in to how to close this sight. There just isn't a lot more to keep up with- other than as I look back now and re-read entries, guestbook, etc- I am still overwhelmed with love. Thank you is so inadequate to say to measure the appreciation felt. It was a ride and you were our footprints in the sand and.. thank you is not near enough to express that.

so love and blessings to all of you- truly thank you for being with us-
~Sarah

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Journal entry by Sarah Jurney

Just a quick update. I always appreciate what I consider 'god moments' or as someone else shared.. god wings.
daniel has had baseball these past two days. I forgot how little I got to see him play last year and have to admit watching him pitch was a little raw due to reminding me of nate.
I watched him put in the dirt NJ 17 behind the mound as Nate always wrote HOPE.
 they played Green Mountain- who had a pitcher named Nate wearing #17. But was right handed....
We won.
I like to believe that is just little reminders.
Like Dave leaving for Hawaii out of gate 17. And his room assignment is C117 for school next year.
And although there is no idea on how many were at the celebration for Nate.. I'll guess 1,117.
That little things are really big things if you keep your mind open to them.
That life really is simple and it is us that complicates things.
take it as it is... appreciate the moment.. and stay in the now.. and when in dark.. 'be' the light.
Won't lie- I miss Nate. We all do. But I so love the moments I call 'god-moments'  or 'god wings'that makes me feel him.
Feel your 'god-moment/wings' and appreciate that moment!
love and blessings
~Sal

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Journal entry by Sarah Jurney

hello-
dave comes home tomorrow! :) Sounds like he has had fun and I can not wait to hear all his stories!!
We have all been busy.. probably a good thing??? 
I wanted to share a song.... I know you have all walked this 'jurney' with us.. and it has been a long one. I may share details of the last breaths eventually.. but for now those are intimate moments we hold on to. But what i want to share is how to move forward. that strong hold on faith to know life is as it should be... and such a hard thing to grasp after losing someone so young.. but hurt is just to those of us left behind. Faith lets us believe all is for the good of God... and what a blessing and an honor to have been Nate's mom... God must love me to trust me with such an amazing spirit. Hope I did a good enough job. ;) As I continue to do His work with the others.
The song is 'I'm Still Yours' by Kutless. Found it a bit ago and held on to it... "If all my world was swept away will you be enough for me..would my beating heart still sing? If I lost it all would my hands stay lifted to the God who gives and takes away? If you took it all this life you've given, still my heart would sing to you."
I am not mad at God and as nate put in one of his journals how selfish to ask 'why me God and truly..why not me?' So my heart still sings. My faith still shines. And all I can ask for is the peace that surpasses all understanding that God is God. And what more you can ask for than that???
Thank you so much for all the heartfelt love and prayers and cards.... we are so grateful!
Love and Blessings to you all!!!
We so appreciate you!!
~Sal

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Journal entry by Sarah Jurney

happy Sunday.
I wanted to share a giggle..
David did graduate.. and we did his party yesterday. It has been a whirlwind.
David was planning on leaving to El Salvadore with family friends today. After much to do.. they could not go to El Salvadore..volcano in Guatemala..weather issues in El Salvador..etc;.. almost to funny how the hurdles were popping up.. low and behold.. the family decided Hawaii would be easier. So Dave is on his way to Hawaii.
I have to giggle. I can't help believe with Nate's strong desire to go to Hawaii- this is his way to say Happy Graduation to David. :)
or a way to still be the batman to his robin...

"Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones shines down to let us know they are with us"

Love and Blessings with all that you get to do today-

~Sal

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Journal entry by Sarah Jurney

Today is Tuesday, June 6,2006

Nate has been doing well. The doctors appointment went well yesterday and Nate was able to go to the movies tonight!! We will go in Friday for the 48 hr outpatient chemo. Then check in on Sunday for the arerial chemo. It will only be for 6 hours this time.

Nate is a fighter!

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Nate’s Story

Site created on June 4, 2006

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, he's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to it's old dimensions.-

Oliver Wendell Holmes

It started with Nate complaining of knee pain. He had broken his right ankle playing basebktball and the doc thought it was overcompensating from having a cast. After following docs orders on ice, Aleve, and P/T exercises we went to a knee doctor. Nate was diagnosed with bone cancer on April 25, 2006. He went through four rounds of IV and IA chemotherapy . He has had surgery on July 19,2006. He has finished four different rounds of IV chemo since then and is going through physical therapy. He is a fighter! He has been working hard on getting his strength back.

Nate has done great. He played ball this past spring(07)- and went to Costa Rica in the summer. The scans for Sept were not so great. They found cancer nodules on his lungs.He has been on the immunity booster treatment since then and will have yet another surgery Nov 28th to remove a cancerous nodule from his lung. He is attitude is great and we will just move forward to get this all done. They did add a chemo agent to his treatment. It is still experimental. We now have started the new year with a clot from his port. The port is out and he will do shots to help thin the blood and dissolve the clot. As of Feb 08 he decided to bypass any more experimental treatments. The nodules have stil been growing despite feeling like he has the flu every weekend. So he just wants to have fun for his senior year, play ball and graduate. Then he will look at surgery or other options.

Nate had the surgery on June 6th. He did not recover well. they did take out all the cancer and the last scans showed know cancer nodules in his lungs. But- he has not been fully himself. They cannot determine if it is permanent. It is mostly memory issues but the neurological testing showed slowness in processing as well.
This May, they found the cancer had returned.

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