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Journal

September
19
2020

September 18, 2020

Hi Miki.  I REALLY could use your friendship today.  Losing you AND RGB in the same year is too much for me. I am gutted.  I am drenched in my own tears yet again.  My heart must be very strong to keep beating in this year when it feels like the bowels of hell have opened up and all its demons loosened upon the earth.  How you loved RGB.  Seeing that movie with you is one of my best memories of our friendship.  In a way, I'm happy for you that you got "out of jail" before everything went to hell.  I don't know if you exist somewhere now and if so what that might be like.  But if you do and if you can somehow hear my thoughts, you know how many times a day you are in those thoughts. Today...such a gut wrenching sadness has taken hold of me. I have lost all hope today.  I wish I could call you and we could cry together.  But I'll have to cry for both of us.  I hope somehow, you are able to connect with RGB in whatever realm you exist.  And I hope you will tell her how much she is loved and admired and how much she will be missed.  And if you do connect, can you ask her if she can do something from there to prevent a disaster here?  And one more favor my sweet dear friend.  I'm still waiting for that cognitive dream ... the one where I'm with you and I KNOW I'm dreaming but I also know that my spirit is with your spirt for real...and when I wake up it will be SO different from a regular dream that there is NO doubt I was really with you. Whenever you're ready, but tonight would be so appreciated.  I don't expect anyone to read these posts anymore but if someone does I apologize for my ramblings. It's just, for me, a therapeutic way to grieve.  I love you Miki.  I miss you so very much right now.  

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Comments

  • Anita Wells : Marie, I understand your pain but I’d like to offer a thought about Miki. When I first knew Miki, she explained what it meant to be a child of holocaust survivors. Her job was to live for the relatives who didn’t get a chance to continue lives of achievement and success. The sad truth was, Miki’s holocaust was her poor health and failing body. I met her only a few years after her Crohn’s disease diagnosis and watched her experience horrible illness and pain. No matter what, she just kept going. She was the perfect child of the holocaust- she would not give up. So, what does that mean for us? Miki and I had 43 years of fighting, playing, challenging and enjoying each other’s family and company. A year ago, when we met in Philadelphia, we saw each other coming down the street and the joy we felt was amazing. It was as though we had been apart for days, not years. The connection was there and, I think the connection that we had allows me to say this- we are now the “children” of the child of holocaust survivors and it’s now our job to live, succeed, and survive this loss. We need to stand up and speak out against the evil that exists in our government because we are now her voice. Now, like Miki, we will put one foot in front of the other and just keep going. Be strong, speak out and celebrate our friend. As Maya Angelou said, “And Still I Rise.”
    9/20/20
  • Norris Adams : Miki was one of the very first people I thought of when this awful news broke. We were gutted in the way we felt on an early Wed morning in Nov 2016. In a way, I’m glad she didn’t have to suffer through it. RIP Miki and RBG
    9/20/20
  • George Marturana : Your pain is Very real Marie. Pain is debilitating and creates the Ultimate Sadness! This Life beats us down until we are weak as Babies. Sunday is six months since Miki passed. I almost envey Her, that She no longer has to deal with the SHIT of being Mortal. Death is NOT a punishment......it’s a RELEASE! A release from untold sadness and disappointment and the inability to control things in not only our Life but the Lives of Others. I am not the least bit afraid of Death. In fact, I believe one day it will be the ONLY TRUE Friend that I ever really d..........
    9/19/20