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Journal

November
14
2019

post op

The last 24 hours have been the hardest and scariest of my life. Handing our child’s life into someone else’s hands is something I never want to do again. Millie did great in surgery and considering what she had been through, looked great after.  Everyone kept saying how well-nourished and strong she is- that’s our girl.  She started to wake up before her sedation was turned off and showed everyone just how feisty she is.   She was extubated around 12:30 and they were already tentatively talking about the possibility of moving her to step down tomorrow, but then in the most terrifying moment of my life to date, about 40 minutes later she stopped breathing.  Holding her hand I watched her turn blue and stop responding to stimuli as her eyes rolled, and her SATs plummeted, and our nurse called a code to get extra help quickly.  She was manually ventilated but never lost her pulse or blood pressure. She started breathing on her own probably 10 seconds later. She was put on bipap and lightly sedated and tolerated it well.  While It probably only lasted 10 seconds it felt 10 minutes and if tonight is any indicator, I think it will take quite some time before I can move her face or that experience out of mind.   Just a reminder from our Millie that even though she is SO mighty, this was also SO big and she needs to take her time.  You all have gotten us so far already, so please keep up the prayers.  The surgery was of course the biggest obstacle but we have a road ahead of us 💜

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