I have appreciated observing your journey on Caring Bridge. Thank you for being so open and sharing your journey with us.
My heart is broken for you all. My heart is also full. I'm full of gratitude for the love you all shared and continue to share.
I don't have much to share in terms of stories about Michael, for I didn't know him very well. I have fond memories of being with you, Michael and Jenny, when your water broke and then visiting you in the hospital the next day, or the day after that, with baby Isaiah. I just happened to be visiting my sister, Cheri, when that all happened. :) I echo people's sharing that Michael was kind and gentle and loving and encouraging and wise. And so much more.
In case it's of any help or comfort, I want to share something a friend of our family, Dorotha, shared the day after my parents died. Dorotha saw a vision of my mom's face, looking radiantly beautiful. Mama told Dorotha that they were "lifted in love right away", confirming our understanding that they died instantly and comforting us to know they didn't suffer in pain as they died. Mama also said something about how heaven was even more spectacularly beautiful than she expected. Then she gave Dorotha a message for our family: "Savor the love that is all around you." And so we did. In those immediate days after their untimely death in a car accident, family and friends gathered. We cried a lot and were in shock and grief, but because of Mama's reminder to us, through Dorotha, we put our attention on "savoring the love...."
It seems like you have done that too. But in case you need a reminder, here it is. Love is all around you. If you need reminders of that love, reach out. Your friends and family will remind you. Savor that love. It's there. And as I'm sure you know, Michael's love is still there, too.
At Michael's Celebration of Life and Death, several people spoke to his love, and some mentioned the courage Michael displayed in his dying. I want to testify to his courage in his living. Yes, he was courageous in overcoming his shyness. And we all were exposed to the courage and openess he showed in describing his feelings and perceptions as he was dying. In between these examples were many others. Two more follow.
When Michael was employed by Friends for a Non-Violent World, he showed courage in letting the board of FNVW know when its Executive Director was unable to perform his duties due to mental illness. This happened twice, with the second time leading to the dismissal of David Miller. David was an extremely gifted facilitator in our Alternatives to Violence Project workshops. Michael mentioned this in one of his Journal entries on Caring Bridge. All of us who worked with David learned a lot from him. But in informing the FNVW board through an intermediary of Michael's inability to consistently carry out his duties, Michael was taking a significant risk. He realized the risk and took it anyway, potentially putting his job at risk.
A time Michael demonstrated a different sort of courage was when accepting the challenge of accompanying Betsy Proechel to El Salvador Yearly Meeting as representatives of Northern Yearly Meeting. Those of us on NYM's El Salvador Committee had approved Betsy going, since she had a long history of relating to Central American Friends, plus her Spanish speaking ability. But we knew that it would take an especially gifted person to accompany Betsy. Betsy had a strong personality, who often spoke her mind quite directly, without the usual Quaker habit of understatement. Frequently Betsy followed her emotions when speaking, so it was difficult at times to follow her line of thought. Sometimes this led to frustration, even hurt feelings, and we didn't want that possibility to damage our relationship with El Salvador Yearly Meeting.
While we considered many possible partners for Betsy in this mutual ministry effort, it wasn't until we thought of Michael, that we realized he had the right combination of spirituality, patience, creativity, durability, wisdom, good humor, sensitivity, and an ability to adapt to the many challenges that international and intercultural sharing present. Michael agreed to take on this challenge, and he come through for the Yearly Meeting with great skill. His written report summarizing their trip was exceptionally well written. He described the difficulties and the progress with great tenderness and accuracy, as he did in his dying. We miss you, Michael.
Memory of Michael I had yesterday --- a few years ago, I was driving along Lake Street, under the Hiawatha Bridge. I spied out of corner of my eye a bicycle with a blue crate on the bag. And, yep, it was Michael, who was bicycling waaay faster than the cars and had a look of both joy and determination on his face. I wanted to roll down my window and call out to him but didn't want to distract him.
Every time I think of Michael I smile and feel a warm glow inside. His presence is still very much alive, and it makes me think of sunflowers and hugs and comfortable laughter. I felt an immediate connection with Michael when we met (initially over a video call, Boston-Minneapolis). He was one of those instant friends, one of those rare gems in life, when you meet someone and immediately know they are a kindred spirit. He taught me so much about true openness and vulnerability, and I felt I could tell him anything and feel safe. I could be 100 percent me. We had a little secret phrase between us--Trust the Ripple. Every time I feel uncertain or scared, I think of this. It brings me peace.
I was lucky enough to attend college with Michael. He was a few years ahead of me and, among other things, graciously showed me how to navigate parties when you're not drinking. He handed me a beer and said something like "the secret to people not asking if you want a beer is to carry around an unopened can so you can say 'no thanks, I just got one.'"
We were in a few clubs together, played soccer together, and planned a mini peace conference, too. I don't think I've ever met someone as positively optimistic as Michael in the way that instantly made everyone else feel better just because he entered a room.
I haven't seen Michael since college, but when he noticed on Facebook that my wife was doing a reading in Minneapolis a decade or so ago, he showed up at the bookstore on his bike to hear about a topic that I'm sure wasn't on his top 10 list: black women and success (I think that was the book). He was the only person to attend the reading besides the bookstore employees, and made my wife feel happy. She told me she didn't think I had friends that nice. I said that few people have friends as nice as Michael.
Dear Jenny, Isaiah, Grace & Christy,
Thank you for posting the readings. The service was a beautiful celebration of Michael's life and death. The whole service was meaningful, moving, and totally Michael!
We're so grateful to have been invited into Michael's adventure these past 4 years. We're continuing to hold you in our prayers each morning and will do so through the next weeks and months as you move through this next trip around the sun. You are held and you are loved.
Cheryl & Jonathan
I PM'd this to Isaiah on FaceBook, but I don't think he's seen it yet.
Hi Isaiah. If it's okay, I'd like to tell you about one of my favorite memories of your dad. You were maybe a little less than a year old, it was summertime, and you were at our house for the evening. You did not think this was a good idea, and you had quite a lot of stamina as you explained your thinking. :-)
After maybe an hour of trying to soothe you, we gave up and called your parents. I stood at the door with you in my arms, describing how your dad was getting into the car, turning the key, and driving to you. You appreciated this information, and we stood there and waited for your dad to appear. He parked across the street and got out of the car. Instead of just walking across the street, he stretched both his arms out toward you and ran to our front door.
That's how I will always think of him. I am so sorry for your loss, and glad that you had a dad who ran to you in the first place.
Michael and I met in an Emotional Intelligence class taught by our colleague Jean Hammink. The class met a decade or so ago and we were paired up for classroom assignments. He wanted to overcome shyness and I wanted to tone down my extroverted nature for a more thoughtful approach - together, we challenged each other. We learned, we can't change our natural spirits but we can learn to embrace and leverage our strengths to "do more" as authentic people. Both non-profit do'ers, I am reminded to embrace our divine gifts and express our spirits as they invite the change we desire and all in divine timing. Michael and I "poked" at each other as we practiced emotional intelligence and eventually leveraged each other's authentic skills for greater community good. I'm forever thankful to Michael for being willing to share his authentic self, step into fear, and try new ways not just in the classroom we shared but throughout his life journey. I thought his memorial was a perfect way to celebrate Michael's "life well lived" - Thank you for being part of my life Michael. Hugs to you all. Lillian
Thank you for posting the poems read by Isaiah and Grace as well as Christy's words. Michael's service was a beautiful outpouring of love, and we were all held tenderly together in it. I have included my poem "River Path" that I read during his service and also a painting that I did of Michael in the "Well Wishes" tab at the top of his CaringBridge Journal. Here also is a link to the River Story project that Michael created. https://fmr.org/river-story-voice-great-mississippi Included on this site are many wonderful writings and poems that correspond to special places along the Mississippi River...Just one of the many amazing gifts that Michael gave to us.
I have appreciated observing your journey on Caring Bridge. Thank you for being so open and sharing your journey with us.
My heart is broken for you all. My heart is also full. I'm full of gratitude for the love you all shared and continue to share.
I don't have much to share in terms of stories about Michael, for I didn't know him very well. I have fond memories of being with you, Michael and Jenny, when your water broke and then visiting you in the hospital the next day, or the day after that, with baby Isaiah. I just happened to be visiting my sister, Cheri, when that all happened. :) I echo people's sharing that Michael was kind and gentle and loving and encouraging and wise. And so much more.
In case it's of any help or comfort, I want to share something a friend of our family, Dorotha, shared the day after my parents died. Dorotha saw a vision of my mom's face, looking radiantly beautiful. Mama told Dorotha that they were "lifted in love right away", confirming our understanding that they died instantly and comforting us to know they didn't suffer in pain as they died. Mama also said something about how heaven was even more spectacularly beautiful than she expected. Then she gave Dorotha a message for our family: "Savor the love that is all around you." And so we did. In those immediate days after their untimely death in a car accident, family and friends gathered. We cried a lot and were in shock and grief, but because of Mama's reminder to us, through Dorotha, we put our attention on "savoring the love...."
It seems like you have done that too. But in case you need a reminder, here it is. Love is all around you. If you need reminders of that love, reach out. Your friends and family will remind you. Savor that love. It's there. And as I'm sure you know, Michael's love is still there, too.
I love you. All of you.
Tina Rieman