Dear Michael- I'm so sorry to hear about these headaches and how physically uncomfortable that is. So glad you have your sister there offering touch in addition to Jenny and for the power of warm baths. Water is such a healing force- whether sitting under an umbrella in the rain, watching the river flow or being in the bath. You have so many allies- seen and unseen, a cloud of witnesses holding you. Everything is holy now (one of my favorite songs by Peter Mayer who is one of my favorite musicians) is a deep affirmation that there is nothing we need to be in sacred space, to be close to God, to receive grace and support. That it is the water we swim in, the air we breathe, the gravity that holds us to our mother. I'm joining with you now, in that great circle of your allies who see you and love you and to whom we are all inexorably connected.
Also- Peter mayer and his work has always been a big part of All in the Circle Camp. There are two of his songs that join so beautifully with Everything is Holy Now linked below and with how you live and what you teach us. Below are links and lyrics.
My love and prayers are with you and your most precious courageous loving family,
Erin
Clouds are swift
Rocks are ancient
Mountains are high, oceans great
Winds are restless
Trees are patient
And you my child are awake
Waves are crashing
Rivers churning
Planets twirling, stars ablaze
Storms are raging
Atoms whirling
And you my child are awake
To perceive these wondrous things
To count the beats of a blackbird’s wings
To tell a story and dance and sing
All the splendors
Of creation
Are very happy that you came
Because they needed
Someone to see them
And you my child are awake
To perceive these wondrous things
To count the beats of a blackbird’s wings
To tell a story and dance and sing
Seeds are hopeful
Dewdrops fleeting
Oak trees are crooked, Redwoods straight
And they are not known
To the sleeping
But you my child are awake
You my child are awake
You my child
Though below me, I feel no motion
Standing on these mountains and plains
Far away from the rolling ocean
Still my dry land heart can say
I've been sailing all my life now
Never harbor or port have I known
The wide universe is the ocean I travel
And the earth is my blue boat home
Sun, my sail, and moon my rudder
As I ply the starry sea
Leaning over the edge in wonder
Casting questions into the deep
Drifting here with my ship's companions
All we kindred pilgrim souls
Making our way by the lights of the heavens
In our beautiful blue boat home
I give thanks to the waves upholding me
Hail the great winds urging me on
Greet the infinite sea before me
Sing the sky my sailor's song
I was born upon the fathoms
Never harbor or port have I known
The wide universe is the ocean I travel
And the earth is my blue boat home
Hi Micheal, I hope you can rest in the incredible value you are and give yourself lots of appreciation for it. Value because of the quality of being you show up with in this life. Your all-in approach, not just in what you share but your stand/stance in life, sends out ripples and opens up that possibility for others. Sending love and peace in the midst of headaches and heartaches.
dear michael....squatting under an umbrella in the rain...sounds healing to me...you know your body/mind and soul best and if it refreshed you it was OH SO GOOD!!! We all need refreshment! Suzanne
Rain is always healing for me. I’m always yearning for rain. I like watching the random paths that the raindrops take on the leaves and branches. I like the image of you under an umbrella!
What a gift you are to me, Michael. Even in the dark valley, when perception of grace may be hard to sustain, you remain steadfast. I read through the comments for this post, and I marvel at the dense-woven fabric of your loving, wise community. May you find ease and relief from pain in these days of waiting.
Michael, I want to share a story with you. It is from a sermon I preached on Theodicy, the question of the existence of God, alongside of the terrors of life. Michael, I do not for a minute claim I have any final answer to this question. But, I have read everyone of your posts over the years. I came to the healing celebration at your church. And because of your transparency, I believe I have come to know something of your walk with the Holy. And so am bold to share this story. This will be a longer post than most! But, I'm hoping this site can handle that! If not, I will email you the sermon. With love, and with the affirmation that my brother and I have comforted each other with through our life's terrors, "To Christ then, come what may." Gwin
Perhaps some portion of this truth….
…can be glimpsed ….in this story…
…from Barbara Brown Taylor….
…Episcopal priest and author.
“Several summers ago….
..I spent three days on a barrier island….
..where loggerhead turtles…were laying their eggs.
One night…while the tide was out….
..I watched a huge female…
. …heave herself up the beach…
….To dig her nest….
..and empty herself into it…
..while slow….salt tears…..ran from her eyes.
Afraid of disturbing her….
..I left before she had finished.
But returned the next morning…..
..to see if I could find the spot….
..where her eggs lay hidden in the sand.
What I found…were her tracks….
ONLY…
…they led in the wrong direction.
Instead of heading back to the ocean…
..she had wandered into the dunes…
Which were already hot as asphalt….in the morning sun.
A little ways in, I found her…
…exhausted….and all but baked….
..her head and flippers caked with dried sand.
After pouring water on her…
..and covering her with sea oats….
I fetched a park ranger…
…who returned with a jeep to rescue her.
As I watched in horror…
…he flipped her over on her back….
Wrapped tire chains around her front legs…
..and hooked the chains..
… to the trailer hitch of the jeep.
Then….he took off….
…yanking her body forward so fast…..
..that her open mouth filled with sand…..
..and then disappeared underneath her….
..as her neck bent so far I feared it would break.
The ranger hauled her over the dunes……
…and down onto the beach;
I followed the path.
At ocean’s edge….he unhooked her…
…and turned her right side up again.
She lay motionless in the surf…
..as the water lapped at her body…
..washing the sand from her eyes…
..and making her skin shine again.
THEN….a particularly large wave…
…broke over her….
….and she lifted her head slightly…..
..moving her back legs as she did.
As I watched……she revived.
Every- fresh- wave - brought her life back to her…..
..until one of them…..made her light enough….
..to find a foothold……….AND PUSH OFF….
Back into the water……
That was her home.
Watching her swim slowly away….
…and remembering …
…her nightmare ride thru the dunes…..
I thought…….
IT IS SOMETIMES HARD TO TELL…..
WHETHER YOU ARE BEING KILLED…
…..OR SAVED…….
….BY THE HANDS …
…THAT TURN YOUR LIFE………UPSIDE DOWN.
This song came up on my internal jukebox at the image of you out in the rain. If tears bring you relief, let it rain, and let love reign! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJi6maTueSc
Michael- I’m thinking about what measures I have learned for chronic migraines. My entire family suffers from migraines, but we each respond differently to smell and taste. I’m thinking about how you might engage those senses in comfort strategies. You might try different edible flavors and textures soothing for headache and nausea. You might also find certain essential oil scents appealing and can experiment with using a diffuser, adding to massage oil, spraying mist on your pillow, or using the inhaler form. I like lavender, peppermint and different citrus. There is a Minneapolis company called Plant Extracts. The surgery department at the U of MN gives the peppermint ones to adults post surgery . I also like the smell and taste of fresh orange and lemon. And don’t forget that you qualify for non hallucinogenic medical marijuana which comes in many forms. I’m imagining you floating along a lazy river; no rush; no destination.
Also- Peter mayer and his work has always been a big part of All in the Circle Camp. There are two of his songs that join so beautifully with Everything is Holy Now linked below and with how you live and what you teach us. Below are links and lyrics.
My love and prayers are with you and your most precious courageous loving family,
Erin
Awake :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9JuuXagqBQ
Clouds are swift
Rocks are ancient
Mountains are high, oceans great
Winds are restless
Trees are patient
And you my child are awake
Waves are crashing
Rivers churning
Planets twirling, stars ablaze
Storms are raging
Atoms whirling
And you my child are awake
To perceive these wondrous things
To count the beats of a blackbird’s wings
To tell a story and dance and sing
All the splendors
Of creation
Are very happy that you came
Because they needed
Someone to see them
And you my child are awake
To perceive these wondrous things
To count the beats of a blackbird’s wings
To tell a story and dance and sing
Seeds are hopeful
Dewdrops fleeting
Oak trees are crooked, Redwoods straight
And they are not known
To the sleeping
But you my child are awake
You my child are awake
You my child
-------------------------
Blue Boat Home
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhsXl1_rEwI
Though below me, I feel no motion
Standing on these mountains and plains
Far away from the rolling ocean
Still my dry land heart can say
I've been sailing all my life now
Never harbor or port have I known
The wide universe is the ocean I travel
And the earth is my blue boat home
Sun, my sail, and moon my rudder
As I ply the starry sea
Leaning over the edge in wonder
Casting questions into the deep
Drifting here with my ship's companions
All we kindred pilgrim souls
Making our way by the lights of the heavens
In our beautiful blue boat home
I give thanks to the waves upholding me
Hail the great winds urging me on
Greet the infinite sea before me
Sing the sky my sailor's song
I was born upon the fathoms
Never harbor or port have I known
The wide universe is the ocean I travel
And the earth is my blue boat home