I challenge you, Michael, if you are not already, to read the Bible when you cannot sleep at night if you are up to it. I have before and it brings peace and understanding. The Bible is most creative and don't forget to have one with a good study guide that can give you more explanation. THE QUEST is good.
Dear Michael, Although we don't know each other well, I think of you and your family often, with wishes of light, comfort, strength and peace. I always read your Caringbridge posts and they touch and inspire me. I thank you sincerely for documenting and sharing your journey so honestly and intimately with your community, and helping me to seek and embrace the deeper feelings and peace available to me . I also feel such deep caring for your kids as mine are at a similar life stages and so I relate to all the feelings, protectiveness, hopes, dreams, and connection that a parent feels at this stage, and the intensity of their teenage lives and emotions. I pray for them especially... I welcome and embrace your invitation to laugh with you and be present in this moment. Thank you... sending love, prayers, and light.
Like you, I'm highly verbal-identified. There's a running verbal stream in my mind, pondering, commenting, questioning, even holding a dialogue between parts of myself, and I count on being able to express at least some of that to others. I've wondered: do I even HAVE an internal life without all of that going on?
When I was volunteering at a psychiatric hospital in an AFSC student project, we got to know over time some of the patients who were there for a long period. We also met with staff members and had chance to ask our questions. A ward that was fascinating to us young people was the "senile ward," composed of people with a variety of conditions who were expected to live out the rest of their lives in the hospital and needed 24/7 care. An old and wise psychiatrist guessed that we had questions that were hard to ask, so he reminded us of Karen, someone most of us had had a turn feeding. Her limbs didn't function and were malformed in such a way that she needed to be tied into a chair for safety. While her face was animated in some random way, she didn't talk or smile or make any other expression that we could recognize.
The doctor said, "You might wonder what's going on inside Karen," which was exactly my puzzle since I had fed her a number of times. "We don't really have a way of knowing," he said, "but many of us on the staff have had this experience. She is frequently visited by her sister. One day I happened to be in the room when I saw Karen's face glowing with a radiant light -- any artist would have wanted to capture the joy on her face. I wondered what was happening, and a few minutes later her sister walked into the room.
"She knew, before the rest of us, that her sister was at the hospital entrance. Karen knew she was about to appear, was coming to love and be loved in return."
He paused, letting it sink in. "Love," he said, "isn't limited by words."
Hallelujah Jesus.
Five weeks ago today, we marked that between time from the crucifixion and death of Jesus to his new life... I keep holding that miracle and love gleaning your witness to Jesus’ compassion. You two seem so close.