Michael –
Fluids rise and fall – like the tides.
Each breath arises and passes away – like all conditioned phenomena. In this wild world of change, that is the only predictability I can find.
The bouquet of tiny white flowers that I've left too long on my dining table without water are drying up– arising and passing away.
The shining of this month’s moon that was so fat and round just days ago starts to round the bend and shrink again –- a big fat round moon arises and passes away.
And the seed-sized scabbed-over wound on the back of my hand came and went. I don’t know how it came to be there (maybe I scraped my skin against some ragged bit of wall). I certainly don’t know how it came to heal.
Everyone once in a while, when I can actually accept conditions just as they are, the tightness in my heart softens – and letting go happens. Sometimes.
When this heart feels the pain of clinging to the belief that, “if I could just get the conditions right, I’d be happy”, I start to touch the pain of clinging to the wish that things were other than they are…
And, as I remember that, as much as I may wish things to be otherwise, things are just as they are… then a possibility arises that spontaneously the heart and mind might let go (at least sometimes). Ease. Peace. In the midst of it all.
Meanwhile – fear rises up… expresses itself ---
through the ever escalating pace of my inhale/exhale– faster/tighter-faster/tighter ;
through the gripping/ narrowing around my core… this all too human core.
Occasionally I can ride those waves / surfing / riding the waves of fear to shore … at least sometimes.
May you ride the tides in the midst of this all, my dear surfing friend…
Awww, Michael (and Jenny),
Sorry about the rollercoaster. I can relate.
Big Hug!!!
Richard
PS My jade plant cutting now has enough roots on it for me to plant it and bring it to your forest.
When I read about your ups and downs, it reminds me of my obsessing over the aches and pains of my tumors. But thank you for reminding cancer patients about the scary stories we often create in our minds.
I’m thankful you’re last episode isn’t as scary as you thought. But still, with all you’ve been through, it’s hard NOT to obsess.
Praying for you and your family daily. May God grant peace, strength and pour out His love to you.
Oh Michael I remember those roller coaster ride days. When the ride slowed down, what a relief and joy it was just to coast for a while. Don't you think all of them, the highs, the lows, the gliding and flowing, make up the wind for spiritual sailing? As I wrote before, I go up and down with you gladly, moored by my trust in you that you find your anchoring and rest in the middle of things.
Sending you and your family much love.
I'd also recommend this documentary: http://www.healdocumentary.com/
I'm glad you're remaining positive and remembering to be grateful for all your blessings. You are a miracle. The way you have embraced your healing and found your purpose to share with us all is amazing and inspirational. Thank you.
We are a storytelling life form and so cannot help ourselves! Keeping in perspective the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves is hard. I'm glad you're well today, as this story of healing continues ......
I hope that your spinal fluid finds its way back to an equilibrium-without-the-bulge, and that your ups and downs with uncertainty level out in a peaceful way also. Hugs!
Not that you want to do go down this road but if it's any help-my Dad also has a shunt. He had it put in about five years ago and actually hasn't had any infections or problems. So good results are possible.
Take care, Nora
Fluids rise and fall – like the tides.
Each breath arises and passes away – like all conditioned phenomena. In this wild world of change, that is the only predictability I can find.
The bouquet of tiny white flowers that I've left too long on my dining table without water are drying up– arising and passing away.
The shining of this month’s moon that was so fat and round just days ago starts to round the bend and shrink again –- a big fat round moon arises and passes away.
And the seed-sized scabbed-over wound on the back of my hand came and went. I don’t know how it came to be there (maybe I scraped my skin against some ragged bit of wall). I certainly don’t know how it came to heal.
Everyone once in a while, when I can actually accept conditions just as they are, the tightness in my heart softens – and letting go happens. Sometimes.
When this heart feels the pain of clinging to the belief that, “if I could just get the conditions right, I’d be happy”, I start to touch the pain of clinging to the wish that things were other than they are…
And, as I remember that, as much as I may wish things to be otherwise, things are just as they are… then a possibility arises that spontaneously the heart and mind might let go (at least sometimes). Ease. Peace. In the midst of it all.
Meanwhile – fear rises up… expresses itself ---
through the ever escalating pace of my inhale/exhale– faster/tighter-faster/tighter ;
through the gripping/ narrowing around my core… this all too human core.
Occasionally I can ride those waves / surfing / riding the waves of fear to shore … at least sometimes.
May you ride the tides in the midst of this all, my dear surfing friend…
Wendy
(inspired by Barb's comment)