I know it’s been a long time since my last post. Sometimes I don’t know what to say and I come on here to write some thing and it just doesn’t seem like enough or too much or whatever. So then I just don’t. Hence the length of time since my previous post. I’m deeply sorry about that if you have been wondering how we are doing without my posts.

 

The kids and I are doing the best that we can moving forward with our lives without Matt’s human form with us. Some moments it’s okay and some moments it’s awful. I can’t even say “days” because there will be moments of every day where I see something or hear something and I feel so much of a longing for him. Gunnar is the lead in his school musical and is doing an amazing job! Matt wasn’t huge into theater or musicals as those of you that know him know he was a sports junkie and a jock. But he didn’t miss a show of Gunnar‘s. He is watching from up there so proud of Gunnar… I just know it! Mj is struggling the most outwardly right now since baseball season started. He loves playing ball and watching ball but at the same time, feels an absence of his dad in a bigger way, because that was their thing. If you know me at all, you know that I knew literally -0 about sports, especially baseball before I met Matt.  Matt and Mj have taught me so much over the years about ball, including Mj teaching me how to properly throw a baseball last year. Still, I am no replacement for his dad who was an amazing ball player and knew everything about the game inside and out.  I was able to take Mj with some family/friends to the Twins Yankees game on April 24. Wow was that memorable! I kid you not when I tell you that we felt the presence of Matt there with us. My friend Jake from Firefighters For Healing calls the little  serendipitous messages that make you feel like the person is there with you “God winks.” During that game we experienced several “God winks.” I was so grateful for each of them. There were moments during the game that I had to sit down and let the tears stream down my face while I watched Mj and his best friend Sam dance and yell and do everything they could do to get on the Jumbotron. I thought to myself so many times, “Matt would love this!" Then I remembered that he is loving this and that he’s got the best seat in the house to watch the whole game from every angle.  Mj also had his first ball game of the season and he pitched the first 2 innings. He was amazing! I was blown away. Savvy continues to be artistic and express her self through painting and art in general. She is a social butterfly but struggles in ways that present themselves through her portraying behaviors of a child much younger at times. I went through a 13 week grief support group that is faith based called Griefshare. It was painful, beautiful, gut wrenching, healing, and totally worth it. The connections I made with people there are so lovely. I’ll tell you more about some of them in future posts  but I am grateful that they have been placed in my life. So long story in a very condensed version, we are all getting by the best that we can in each moment. We all have triggers that bring tears and triggers that being laughter with the physical absence of Matt. We have so many things to be grateful for even now even without Matt here on earth.