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January 4, 2020-One Week in Heaven

The holidays went by so quickly, the return to school and the "normal" routine are upon us.  Matt has been walking in Heaven for one week, which feels like an eternity in my heart.  I first started counting by hours, then days and now it has been an entire week since he left a void here on earth for many of us.  The nights are the worst part of my days and when I seem to melt into pieces.  My rocks have been the kids.  Maddie has wiped away my tears and reminded me Matt is in our hearts.  Jake has tried to take on so much more responsibility, patience and understanding with his siblings and I.  Z keeps checking on me and I have found him curled up to me in the mornings.  I keep reminding myself that I am supposed to be their rock and strength.  Our family has been so supportive, our friends and community members continue to flood us with love and memories.  The kids have a wonderful gift in seeing the impact their dad had on so many people.  I hope Matt is looking down and smiling and finally seeing the good he did around him while he was alive.  
Next week, Monday, January 13, 2020, we will celebrate Matt.  Matt was not one to pull attention to himself, he was a pretty humble guy.  However, next week's celebration will do just that, celebrate who he was and will continue to be to us.  I am sure he will be watching the National Championship with Jimmy Gerkin and many others that are walking with him above.  
I have had many people comment about my strength.  I am really not all that strong, in fact I feel weak.  However, I have a very strong God that continues to get me through the rough moments.  As I grieve he continues to remind me of my many blessings and to believe in his plan.  When I grow angry, he calms my heart.  When I am anxious, he sends a message that gives me peace.  So I guess what looks like my strength is actually my faith leading me on this journey.  
After next Monday, I will continue to write, as it is therapy for me.  I will be moving from Caring Bridge to some sort of blog.  Not only will this help me through our journey without Matt, but it will help my children on their journey without their dad here on earth.

Faith Over Fear,


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