I am facing a new truth. I have always known I am a strong woman I am my mothers daughter and my father’s crafty, scrappy smaryB. ( his name for me ) but this truth I am scared.   Let me explain. I am the youngest of 5, well actually 8 I have 3 half siblings.  I always felt like I was given this life to make a difference, my mother had cancer when she was pregnant with me, they told her she would not be able to carry me to term, well my warrior mother had other plans and we both survived.   I’ve always been aware that this could have gone a completely different way. Then I got Cancer so really this is my third chance at life.  And I feel I have not lived up to my true potential.  I feel we are all so many different things.  Good people who are good at different things.   For me crafty comes to mind, this is something I have never been shy about admitting. So, why am I almost 53 and just am “crafty” around my own home?  I mean I have done events and made things for people but, why have I been held back from making a living at it.  I have always had in the back of my mind “ you should open a florist/event business “ and my sister Debbie has said let’s do it, unfortunately she is financially ready and I don’t have a pot to piss in, my mother’s favorite quote :). I channel her often.  Tomorrow will be 1 year since the beginning of my Cancer Journey.  November 14, 2019, the biopsy that would change my life.  

I want to start a new journey, a continued fight against Cancer is and always will be at the top of my list.  But, a True Journey to be my True Self and Live my True Life to find that place we all dream of and rarely find. You see, I have come to realize I may not get a 4th chance at life.  I am fortunate that Tony and I found our way back to each other, there ya go another second chance. So please understand, I am not saying I am not happy or that I am not proud of what I have done and love my life, I  am and I do but there is something missing and I want to try and find that missing “peace”, see what I did there :).