Journal entry by Tricia Patten —
I don’t have anything hopeful to post about, but want to provide more information we have learned. If I would have written this a few days ago, I would have ranted about how is this possible?!? Today, I am able to take a step back, at least a little. Friday is Marshall’s 20th birthday. I can hardly remember what I did on my 20th bday, but I know it was fun. Never did I have to worry about my survival. That being said, the part that I think makes this so much more difficult for us is the fact that he has only been given 3-6 months to live. He said he is also in denial, just like we are. Marshall is still feeling well and it makes it seem unreal.
His team did let us know that they consulted with the two lung surgeons he had previously and both agreed he is inoperable. They also looked into more options. At this point, they don’t have anything that will cure the cancer, but rather just giving him the possibly of maybe more time, but with the offset of being terribly sick on chemo again. If it doesn’t kill the cancer, it isn’t something Marshall is interested in.
I have been reaching out to any and all alternative options available, including reaching out to MD Anderson in Houston. This is the #1 cancer center in the US. We have spoken to a doctor in Mesa, AZ who treats cancer very differently. As of right now, it appears we are behind the 8 ball. He has agreed to start a lot of herbal supplements. Some of these have really show positive results. Let’s hope they give us a little more time.
Lots of questions on how we are all doing. I would say overall we are doing better at this moment, than when we received the news. That being said, the smallest thing can bring tears. Talking to your baby about what he would like from us as his health deteriorates, bucket list items, his funeral is completely wrong. In his normal way, he is strong as ever. Even commenting on how he feels sad about what this will do to us. He flat out said that children shouldn’t go before their parents. That is the normal order of life. He said this isn’t right.
Sorry I guess this message got deeper than I anticipated, but it covers so much. I am beyond humbled at the prayers and messages. Each and everyone has been read and they all mean a lot. Thank you for all of your love and support.
My mission now is the make this birthday the best possible for him!!
Again, hug your babies. Tell someone you love them. Never waste a minute.
Tricia