Melanie-thank you for the update. You have such a strong and encouraging "real" voice and have such a gift of painting the story with words. You really are a gifted writer and I hope your ability to get it down on paper also helps you process and do the very slow healing process. I love what you are discovering about yourself, you self-awareness and also context. We are all blessed by your insight, wisdom and wit. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Melanie...writing is your success story.....while it must help you to compose and write, it reaches out to the rest of us to sooth and understand where you are and how things are going....You are an amazing woman, Mark was an amazing man, and together you mastered the art of life, life with God as your protector....It is my hope that you can draw from what used to be to combine with what is...and recognize the blend of it all...a blend that heals and gives you the strength to have better days, happy days and days remembering the love you shared with a man whose love brought you so far....Praying for you my friend, always.....

Dearest friend and sister-in-Christ, you are doing so very well even though you don't feel it. You get up each morning and get through the day and go to bed each night. You have planted and harvested, laughed and cried, thrived and sat still - all the things that are normal for grieving. And you have carried on as Mark would want you to do until he meets you at the gates of heaven. I have read your posts and heard your voice in my mind, knowing you put a bright coat of paint on it to hide the damages. I have laughed at the kittens and cried at your sorrow. God has walked beside you every step and you give him the glory. You will look back in a year, or two, and realize how far down the journey you are, but for now it's okay to stop sometimes and rest where you are. There is no timetable for grief - each person does it differently, each person heals at their own pace. My heart is thrilled to see you in your own space, making a place for yourself and for others, teaching and reaching out.

Dear Melanie;

Love your honesty. So many layers yet to unfold; each one will bring a mix of emotions. I think you are right where God wants you to be -in the palm of His hand. The first year is SO hard. Praying for you. 😘

Melanie, I can really sympathize with you in your loss and the way that you feel. Having lost my husband, Ron, over 7 years ago, I can understand where you're coming from and how you're trying to deal with each day. Overall, it does get better as time goes on, but do we ever truly get over the loss? Not really, memories are there each day and night, but God is good and He certainly does care about our progress. There have been times in my life when I've told God to take over my emotions because I'm missing my "hubby" too much. He does that, and it's helps me lots!!! I'm praying for you each day, Melanie, and I can truthfully say that it does get better as time goes on. And the bright spot is that someday we will see our husbands in Heaven and for that we can rejoice!!!

Continued prayers for you as you continue to learn, grow and heal!!

Melanie--you put it so well and bring back memories of my Bill's last 3 years as I did his dialysis treatments If people asked me if I was stressed I would say not really and didn't understand until after he passed that I probably was. You know that you are in my prayers, but I also know that our Great God is watching out and providing for us every day. thank you for your blog, Jean