Journal entry by Margaret Gillikin —
Hi Folks -
It's been quiet here since the end of February when my cancer treatments concluded. But the world has continued to spin and we have entered a new era of global pandemic.
You've joined me in physical distancing practices including mostly being home, wearing masks in public and generally living with a concern for protecting the health of ourselves and others at the forefront of our consciousness. This awareness is, I think, a good thing. We're collectively learning what it means to be community. Sometimes we get in touch with this through upset. "What's with that jerk not following the rules?" The home quarantine with the challenges of isolation or too-much-togetherness depending on your circumstances... yeah, that's not been so awesome for a lot of us.
Truthfully, I've been jonesing for hugs since October. Right when I was recovering from cancer treatments sufficiently to risk being out and about was when shelter-in-place due to the Novel Corona Virus began. I'm in the 8th month of this form of distancing, and frankly, I've mostly been mentally whining about the challenges of isolation including missing physical contact, and generally grieving the lack of people-energy that I gulp like a thirsty camel when I'm with a crowd. Just today, my coach Annemarie asked if perhaps, it might be time to shift my thinking? Could I consider that all this time with myself might not be an opportunity for self-discovery that God is inviting me to delve into? *Sigh* I hate to admit that yes, the circumstances I push hardest against are, indeed, the ground for growth and birthing something new. What will that be? I'm not sure. But I'm mindful of one of the things I learned from Bill Selby many years ago... that we have the oppotunity to work on ourselves when we're with other people and we get to work on community when we're alone. So, I'm guessing that in this expanding time of aloneness the work before me might be dreaming and scheming about (and putting into action!) new possibilities for what it means to be community in our world today. More to come...
In the meantime, I am keenly aware that we CAN BE connected to each other through the positive actions we witness and share about, especially if we consciously look for and take note of them.
* Kindness radiated through my friend Jen's baking and delivery of "boozy cupcakes" to women in her general proximity on Mother's Day.
* Genuine caring appears in all the well-wishes and offers of prayer in response to my sister Johannah's Facebook posts about her husband Dwane's bout with Covid-19.
* Compassion and fierce advocacy are what I see in my friend Sue's diligent work on behalf of the teachers in the school she directs.
* Gentleness is what I receive from my physical therapist as Jyndia helps me deal with the challenge of atrophied muscles.
Really, it takes so little to make a difference, and some are doing SO much. Perseverance in the face of fruitless-so-far job-hunts. Consistency in getting the job done by so many essential workers. Resilience despite the griefs and losses of precious lives as well as dreams and special occasions. Standing and speaking up for others in the face of bullies... I could go on and on. There is so much goodness in humanity to celebrate when we choose to focus on what offers blessing and contribution. What have you been noticing? What's showing up in the world around you that gives you hope? I suspect that if you look, you might discover for yourself things that give you hope and renew your spirit in these times that differ so greatly from what has been in the past.
Perhaps such positivity occurs as "relentless" or Pollyanna-ish at times. I must confess that when I re-read my previous journal posts here, I was struck by the overall cheer in the face of experiences that included some of the scariest, most painful and most embarrassing moments of my life. And, what I wrote was a genuine expression of the attitude I was cultivating and perception I was generating. Was everything always rainbows and unicorns? Nope. But looking for them and persevering in the practice of seeking them is what has kept my mind sane and heart whole. So, even if you'd rather wad up grandpa's cloth handkerchiefs and stuff them into your ears than listen to Annie sing "The sun'll come out, tommorrow..." I invite you to look for and treasure those sunbeams, anyway.
My choir in Salida, The Noteables, sang a piece with a lovelier tune than Annie's that I have been humming a lot these days. I offer the words to you here, origingally written on the wall of a cellar by a Jew held captive in the Cologne concentration camp in WW2. May they bring you hope. And may you be both a seeker and reflector of light in all its forms.
Shalom, Margaret
It's been quiet here since the end of February when my cancer treatments concluded. But the world has continued to spin and we have entered a new era of global pandemic.
You've joined me in physical distancing practices including mostly being home, wearing masks in public and generally living with a concern for protecting the health of ourselves and others at the forefront of our consciousness. This awareness is, I think, a good thing. We're collectively learning what it means to be community. Sometimes we get in touch with this through upset. "What's with that jerk not following the rules?" The home quarantine with the challenges of isolation or too-much-togetherness depending on your circumstances... yeah, that's not been so awesome for a lot of us.
Truthfully, I've been jonesing for hugs since October. Right when I was recovering from cancer treatments sufficiently to risk being out and about was when shelter-in-place due to the Novel Corona Virus began. I'm in the 8th month of this form of distancing, and frankly, I've mostly been mentally whining about the challenges of isolation including missing physical contact, and generally grieving the lack of people-energy that I gulp like a thirsty camel when I'm with a crowd. Just today, my coach Annemarie asked if perhaps, it might be time to shift my thinking? Could I consider that all this time with myself might not be an opportunity for self-discovery that God is inviting me to delve into? *Sigh* I hate to admit that yes, the circumstances I push hardest against are, indeed, the ground for growth and birthing something new. What will that be? I'm not sure. But I'm mindful of one of the things I learned from Bill Selby many years ago... that we have the oppotunity to work on ourselves when we're with other people and we get to work on community when we're alone. So, I'm guessing that in this expanding time of aloneness the work before me might be dreaming and scheming about (and putting into action!) new possibilities for what it means to be community in our world today. More to come...
In the meantime, I am keenly aware that we CAN BE connected to each other through the positive actions we witness and share about, especially if we consciously look for and take note of them.
* Kindness radiated through my friend Jen's baking and delivery of "boozy cupcakes" to women in her general proximity on Mother's Day.
* Genuine caring appears in all the well-wishes and offers of prayer in response to my sister Johannah's Facebook posts about her husband Dwane's bout with Covid-19.
* Compassion and fierce advocacy are what I see in my friend Sue's diligent work on behalf of the teachers in the school she directs.
* Gentleness is what I receive from my physical therapist as Jyndia helps me deal with the challenge of atrophied muscles.
Really, it takes so little to make a difference, and some are doing SO much. Perseverance in the face of fruitless-so-far job-hunts. Consistency in getting the job done by so many essential workers. Resilience despite the griefs and losses of precious lives as well as dreams and special occasions. Standing and speaking up for others in the face of bullies... I could go on and on. There is so much goodness in humanity to celebrate when we choose to focus on what offers blessing and contribution. What have you been noticing? What's showing up in the world around you that gives you hope? I suspect that if you look, you might discover for yourself things that give you hope and renew your spirit in these times that differ so greatly from what has been in the past.
Perhaps such positivity occurs as "relentless" or Pollyanna-ish at times. I must confess that when I re-read my previous journal posts here, I was struck by the overall cheer in the face of experiences that included some of the scariest, most painful and most embarrassing moments of my life. And, what I wrote was a genuine expression of the attitude I was cultivating and perception I was generating. Was everything always rainbows and unicorns? Nope. But looking for them and persevering in the practice of seeking them is what has kept my mind sane and heart whole. So, even if you'd rather wad up grandpa's cloth handkerchiefs and stuff them into your ears than listen to Annie sing "The sun'll come out, tommorrow..." I invite you to look for and treasure those sunbeams, anyway.
My choir in Salida, The Noteables, sang a piece with a lovelier tune than Annie's that I have been humming a lot these days. I offer the words to you here, origingally written on the wall of a cellar by a Jew held captive in the Cologne concentration camp in WW2. May they bring you hope. And may you be both a seeker and reflector of light in all its forms.
Shalom, Margaret
“I believe in the sun
even when it is not shining
And I believe in love,
even when there’s no one there.
And I believe in God,
even when he is silent.
I believe through any trial,
there is always a way
But sometimes in this suffering
and hopeless despair
My heart cries for shelter,
to know someone’s there
But a voice rises within me, saying hold on
my child, I’ll give you strength,
I’ll give you hope. Just stay a little while.
I believe in the sun
even when it is not shining
And I believe in love
even when there’s no one there
But I believe in God
even when he is silent
I believe through any trial
there is always a way.
May there someday be sunshine
May there someday be happiness
May there someday be love
May there someday be peace….”
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