hello out there!!

I don't know if anyone is out there... if anyone is wanting an update, via this site, but I will give one anyone way because when I run into people I don't see on the regular I get asked... so here goes. 

On December 23rd I had an MRI done and the results were: All they found was a brain!!!😏 
We were pretty excited elated and just darned relieved!
 I am now scheduled for yearly MRI's and was wished a Merry Christmas and a much better 2022!

That's the short story and update. 
The rest of this entry is more for me to process through the last year and a half...
you can continue reading if you like, but if you just needed to know how I am doing..
know that I am blessed and brain tumor free!!! 
And thank you for caring and praying and checking up on how I am!


Now onto the storytelling, the mental processing of sorts...
you have been warned, this isn't going to be short and sweet.😉 

18 months ago ...literally to the day of the week and the date ...
18 months ago I had my 1st craniotomy.
I was told on Friday, February 19, 2021, I had a brain tumor.
Monday, February 22nd, 2021 they removed the Meningioma Tumor.
18 months ago was my TED day (Tumor Extraction Day).
Sooooo much has happened in 18 months.... so much.
Like 3 head surgeries ... lots of sherbets... many hours of Physical Therapy ...
new friends that liked to hear my stories ... many days of missed work ... lots of happy greetings when i did make it to work ... many more days of working from home ... lots and lots of prayers 
....many missed celebrations-weddings, graduations, bday parties... finding out daughter #1 and daughter #3 are expecting .... missed garth brooks concert😒 ... spending the day instead with grandkids😍 ... celebrating daughter #2 wedding day ... spending the holidays with a sense of peace and joy  (holidays: Harvest Harmony, pumpkin patch, Elsie Bday, Turkey day, Christmas)... hearing that daughter #2 is expecting... more celebrating as Baby P is born, showering Baby V and then finding out bonus-daughter (&son) are expecting their third child!! ... realizing that my hair is growing back  ... Baby V is born ... some funerals .... some weddings ... some more bday celebrating ... VBS again... and COVID positive tests ... some traveling .... vehicle dying... new vehicle ... Baby A joining the family ... wedding anniversaries celebrated and here we are just finished celebrating my birthday.

that summary was reminiscent of billy joel's we didn't start the fire 😁 
I just didn't want to bore anyone who choose to continue reading.

and I really didn't want to focus on the negative, because honestly, everyone has challenges in their life, and as I sit here reflecting on the challenges I've had, some that I didn't even mention, I don't know if they are because I had three head surgeries in 6 months time or because I am in my 50's, could it be because I am diabetic or just because it is what it is?  and why dwell on the negative, it's not going to change because of my dwelling, it just continues it so lets change the narrative. let's focus on joy.

know that I wasn't nor am always super pumped or peppy positive but it is something I strive for, each day .. sometimes every hour I need to remind myself there is joy in every day.  Joy isn't happiness, at least not in my thinking... joy is a state of mind and being. You can find joy in something and still be sad in your heart or even angry or pleasantly happy. Joy is a sense of being, not happenstance. 

Joy has been fleeting, flickering in these last few months for me. I believe it is because I am finally processing all the feelings I handed over to God in these past 18 months. I solely and truly turned to my faith to get me through whatever it was that I was going to have to go through.  I didn't dwell or spend a lot of time what if'ing or why me'ing ... I just "carried on" ... And it worked.  Until I started thinking about updating this journal. Then slowly bits and pieces I thought I had turned over or tucked away surfaced.  I thank God that He decided to only give me little bits at a time because it's been an emotional tilt-a-whirl. 
Blessings in the form of new babies, growing grandchildren, new homes for adult children and many little seemingly insignificant blessings: finding lost things, technology working like it's supposed to, lunch dates, and social outings. Mixed in with the unsuspecting flustration of sore not healing, or a slip and fall, a positive test of CoVid and Strep(at the same time) A feeling of what's this going to lead to, dr's suggesting this test or that - just to be sure. It all brings up the fear that I never let myself feel.
I know I am soo blessed,
I got to be at our daughters wedding...
I've got to be here for 3 new precious grands to join the 3 other precious grandkiddos...
I tell people I'm not allowing myself to wallow or complain
because this life is too precious to waste in those emotions.
But I have had a few wise souls remind me that acknowledging ALL my feelings is necessary to heal and grow.
Acknowledge them and let them move on. 

So hello fear of the unknown... I see you and wish you well on your journey elsewhere!

Oh man, it's you again negative nelly... you keep popping in as if you're walking around the block, well here is a navigation tip for you.. go straight.. do not make a turn. Keep on going straight. Have a nice journey.

Frustration & disappointment, I swear you two are lil bits holding hands and just hanging around... it's ok to visit for a short bit but toodle on down the road, your sibling envy is waiting for you...way down the way. 

And to you anti-positive feelings, emotions and mindblocks... you are not going to win...
I've got joy within me and joy can't help but attract happiness, giggles, smiles, elation, peace and hope.

~*~*~*~*~*

This isn't how I thought this entry was going to go .. and I apologize if you are still reading... when processing this, when I was avoiding writing this out ... this is not what I had rolling in my head.. some of the thoughts I thought I would be sharing were the statements that I have been speaking to those I encounter if they ask me how I am doing... I say I'm thankful grateful and blessed - which is all true, but it's also hiding what is more true. And that is that I have changed, besides losing my sense of taste and smell (not from CoVid but from my first surgery) I have lost my superpower as well. I'm not the jodi I once was... I miss her. 
And I don't know that the people I encounter recognize that OG jodi is not here but it's now jodi 3.0.

but I also know that I "challenged" God back in Feb 2021.
For Lent I asked God to show me the type of jodi He needed me to be, I asked Him to show me what & where He need my gifts and talents.

They say be careful what you pray for!!

I'm still not a hundred percent sure what God is asking or expecting - but He got my attention (it only took THREE head surgeries to knock my Halo down and really get my attention!)😇 
One major thing that has happened is that I stepped back from my job as Director of Children & Family Ministries.

I am now just the Media & Publications Manager.
I'm also Baby A's daycare Namma

And when I mentioned I lost my superpower ... that included powering through tiredness.
 And when my eyes get tired they shut and that seems to power off the brain. I've already powered down 4 times in typing this last paragraph.

maybe I will type more tomorrow about this new me.. tonight I need some sleep ... so thank you for reading and listening to me -- it really means a lot to me.. especially after rambling on and on!!

peace and blessings,

~jodi♥