Journal entry by Jeremy & Sheila Miller —
3 years....
A while back I listened to a lecture on 'The Big Picture.' Some of you will probably know which one I'm talking about. I think it was given by Charles Unruh. I have appreciated that message over and over again.
I wish 3 years ago, I could've saw, at least a part of, the Big Picture. It would've been so comforting to know, that someday, I would watch my child take her first steps, for the 2nd time in her life. Knowing, that as we sat down with the Dr, and he told us, "Your child may never walk again, and you need to understand that," knowing that he would be wrong.
But, we couldn't see the Big Picture. We had to learn again, to just TRUST. To put our hand into HIS. To give our all unto HIM. To let HIM lead us all the way. To realize again and again that, He alone, can see the Big Picture. And that the Big Picture is hidden from our eyes. Why? Because we need to trust, and put our hand into HIS.
We've went thru alot lately. When I consider what so many others are going thru, it may seem small. But when it's your life, it feels BIG. We have so much to be thankful for! And a person can remind themselves of that over and over again. And yet, sometimes what you know in your head, isn't the same as what you feel in your heart. Sometimes you can tell yourself that there are blessing all around you, and yet... your heart feels broken... and you feel sad. My days lately have been back and forth, one day strong and of good courage, the next crying at the drop of a hat.
I'm not going to burden yall with all the details of our lives as of late... but probably the biggest and hardest of them all, was losing my dearest mother in law, unexpectedly, on the evening of Makayla's 17th birthday. Since Makayla had barely gotten home from visiting her big sis in Cimarron about an hour prior to getting 'the news', we had not celebrated her birthday, and at this point we still haven't. She probably doesn't even care, really, but she had expressed a desire to go out on a boat on the gulf. And have mini oreo cheesecakes. I hope to make that happen yet.
Thinking back to Mom in law tho, she was the glue that held things together. The best mom in law I could've ever wished for. When I had a burden, when I had a problem, I knew I could call Mom, and she'd always listen quietly. She was such a good listener. Then... she'd either offer me advice... or tell me she would pray for me... and somehow, I believe that Mom had such a close relationship with Jesus, that when I'd get off the phone with her, I felt better, as if I'd been sitting at the feet of Jesus with her. Many, many times, I find myself just wanting to talk to Mom again, especially when my problems are bigger than I know what to do with. I think God understands how human we are... and understands why we ask, "Why?" "Why did mom have to go so soon?" "Why couldn't she have stayed long enough to see her youngest son marry?" "Why couldn't she have stayed long enough to see at least some of her oldest grandchildren marry?" I know she would've loved that part. Makes me smile now to think of that. She was always so enthused about weddings, the colors, the plans....etc. she would've wanted to know ALL the details. Down to the very teensiest one.
I find myself wishing again that we could see the Big Picture. What God sees. What God knows. If God could explain to us the answer to our "Why's," would we say, "Oh, I see! Now I understand!" And would we understand that we will be okay... and that God only has the very best in mind for us? Would we find it easier to trust our hand into HIS? Our dear mom has left footprints in the sand... leaving us to follow in her footsteps that lead straight up to Heaven's gate.
Makayla has been working for Pat and Irma Nichols some, doing a random assortment of things. She's been so happy to have her Mini Cooper back in working order, as it spent a few months in the shop. Tomorrow she has an appointment at Texas Children's for more injections in her legs. She has been looking forward to them for a while already, as her ankles have been so tight. She has been doing some exercising with the equipment she has here at home. We are happy for every bit that she does! She could do even more as far as we are concerned, but she has been staying fairly busy with youth, and work... and helping around the house. She's definitely been a blessing to us. She took such good care of the younger girls when Jeremy and I had to leave suddenly when mom passed. Getting them around for school and all. "Just leave it to me mom. I'll take care of them."
Seems like sometimes I hear Jesus whisper to me also, "Just leave the Big Picture to Me. I'll take care of you."
A while back I listened to a lecture on 'The Big Picture.' Some of you will probably know which one I'm talking about. I think it was given by Charles Unruh. I have appreciated that message over and over again.
I wish 3 years ago, I could've saw, at least a part of, the Big Picture. It would've been so comforting to know, that someday, I would watch my child take her first steps, for the 2nd time in her life. Knowing, that as we sat down with the Dr, and he told us, "Your child may never walk again, and you need to understand that," knowing that he would be wrong.
But, we couldn't see the Big Picture. We had to learn again, to just TRUST. To put our hand into HIS. To give our all unto HIM. To let HIM lead us all the way. To realize again and again that, He alone, can see the Big Picture. And that the Big Picture is hidden from our eyes. Why? Because we need to trust, and put our hand into HIS.
We've went thru alot lately. When I consider what so many others are going thru, it may seem small. But when it's your life, it feels BIG. We have so much to be thankful for! And a person can remind themselves of that over and over again. And yet, sometimes what you know in your head, isn't the same as what you feel in your heart. Sometimes you can tell yourself that there are blessing all around you, and yet... your heart feels broken... and you feel sad. My days lately have been back and forth, one day strong and of good courage, the next crying at the drop of a hat.
I'm not going to burden yall with all the details of our lives as of late... but probably the biggest and hardest of them all, was losing my dearest mother in law, unexpectedly, on the evening of Makayla's 17th birthday. Since Makayla had barely gotten home from visiting her big sis in Cimarron about an hour prior to getting 'the news', we had not celebrated her birthday, and at this point we still haven't. She probably doesn't even care, really, but she had expressed a desire to go out on a boat on the gulf. And have mini oreo cheesecakes. I hope to make that happen yet.
Thinking back to Mom in law tho, she was the glue that held things together. The best mom in law I could've ever wished for. When I had a burden, when I had a problem, I knew I could call Mom, and she'd always listen quietly. She was such a good listener. Then... she'd either offer me advice... or tell me she would pray for me... and somehow, I believe that Mom had such a close relationship with Jesus, that when I'd get off the phone with her, I felt better, as if I'd been sitting at the feet of Jesus with her. Many, many times, I find myself just wanting to talk to Mom again, especially when my problems are bigger than I know what to do with. I think God understands how human we are... and understands why we ask, "Why?" "Why did mom have to go so soon?" "Why couldn't she have stayed long enough to see her youngest son marry?" "Why couldn't she have stayed long enough to see at least some of her oldest grandchildren marry?" I know she would've loved that part. Makes me smile now to think of that. She was always so enthused about weddings, the colors, the plans....etc. she would've wanted to know ALL the details. Down to the very teensiest one.
I find myself wishing again that we could see the Big Picture. What God sees. What God knows. If God could explain to us the answer to our "Why's," would we say, "Oh, I see! Now I understand!" And would we understand that we will be okay... and that God only has the very best in mind for us? Would we find it easier to trust our hand into HIS? Our dear mom has left footprints in the sand... leaving us to follow in her footsteps that lead straight up to Heaven's gate.
Makayla has been working for Pat and Irma Nichols some, doing a random assortment of things. She's been so happy to have her Mini Cooper back in working order, as it spent a few months in the shop. Tomorrow she has an appointment at Texas Children's for more injections in her legs. She has been looking forward to them for a while already, as her ankles have been so tight. She has been doing some exercising with the equipment she has here at home. We are happy for every bit that she does! She could do even more as far as we are concerned, but she has been staying fairly busy with youth, and work... and helping around the house. She's definitely been a blessing to us. She took such good care of the younger girls when Jeremy and I had to leave suddenly when mom passed. Getting them around for school and all. "Just leave it to me mom. I'll take care of them."
Seems like sometimes I hear Jesus whisper to me also, "Just leave the Big Picture to Me. I'll take care of you."
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