As I mentioned in my last update,after doing 10 months time, I have been "released" from cancer incarceration but I'm not yet totally walking free. The provisions of my sentence for TNBC come with an extra penalty. TNBC is faster growing and has a higher recurrence rate without the benefit of  long term treatment options which distinguishes it from the other types of breast cancer. The first 5 years post treatment is when the risk of the cancer returning is the highest. Essentially I will need to "stay clean" during this time as I will be closely monitored under the watchful eye of my medical oncologist. It feels as if I am now on"probation" for the next 5 years.
(In case you are wondering, the answer is "no", I have never been on probation before, but I have been grounded several times for rebellious actions as a teen which is somewhat comparable.)

   The good news is that at the end of 5 years, the risks of recurrence are greatly reduced and I will be virtually a free woman!

While it's easy to understand that friends and family expect me to be back to "normal" now that treatment has ended, that's not exactly the reality of it all. I am now in the "Survivorship" phase or the process of long term recovery. During this time, I am discovering what my limitations are and what my "new normal" currently is. I am coping with physical changes along with emotional and cognitive changes as well. 

Ongoing fatigue is the worst physical change I am experiencing. I am no longer able to complete several tasks in a given day like I did before cancer. Grocery shopping, doing laundry, or scrubbing the kitchen floor, are examples of tasks that physically drain me to the point of literally collapsing into bed for the next few hours. My level of energy and stamina are not at the level as they used to be. It's anybody's guess whether this will get better or not over time. There are also several late term side effects that I need to be wary of due to the nature of the treatments I had.

I am also having some cognitive problems, however they seem to be slowly improving and hopefully will go away within one year.

During treatment, it is normal to be entirely focused on the physical side effects. It's not until treatment is completed that the reality of the emotional and social effects come to light. Issues with self esteem, depression, feelings of loss and uncertainty are all painful issues that have now surfaced. While I am relieved to be done with treatment, it is difficult to come to the realization that I am not who I was before, especially when others expect me to be. It takes much longer to heal emotionally than physically from breast cancer, so I need to be patient with myself, and I continue to need the support from those who are close to me. 

I could go on and on about the long term recovery process but it tires me out talking about it and I don't want to bore anyone to death. That being said, in a past journal I made a promise to myself of something I was going to do after I completed treatment. This may be late in coming, but better late than never, right?