Journal entry by Sarah Carney

May 21st, 2019 will be 250 days since Mikah was diagnosed with B-Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia and his first day of MAINTENANCE. We were told that the first 6-9 months are the hardest and that the next 2 1/2 years will also have difficult moments. The last 250 days have been tough. It's horrible to bring your beautiful child into the hospital clinic knowing they are going to be pumping his body with poison and knowing that without that poison your child may not live. There is nothing fun about cancer. This is a trial I would not willingly chose again or wish anyone to have to go through. We will never be the same. If I let my mind go to dark places, I think about the fact that Mikah still has 30 months of treatment to endure and after that if everything goes "well", we still have 5 years to wonder if he will relapse. Basically, for the rest of my life, I will have to think about cancer. This journey has changed us. BUT, it has changed good things in our lives too. I've said it before and I will say it again. Prior to this, there were things in my heart that were taking up space of things that should have been there instead. 

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10 

I had the opportunity to attend our churches women's conference "Renew" this weekend and I wanted to cry when I saw this verse up on the screen as soon as I walked into the sanctuary. This trial in our lives in not one I would chose and yet God has used it in so many ways, including my life, to teach me about His love for me and His children. I saw a quote that said "God uses broken and hurting people to help broken and hurting people". Mikah was not given cancer as a punishment, rather He is using a broken thing from this world and is instead showing us what beauty from ashes means. I read this recently from a blog, and I couldn't have said it any better: 

"Yes, it’s true, life is not always happy. It’s not always easy. It deals harshly sometimes, it seems unfair, and we may wonder where God is, or why He didn’t stop that difficult event or illness from happening.

His Truth says this: He was there. In the midst of it all.

And though we may not always see it, or feel it, or even understand it, we can know beyond a doubt, that He is now. Still. He is with us.

"To provide for those who grieve...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes." Isaiah 61:3

For He will never leave us or forsake us, His love for us in greater than we could ever imagine, though we live in a world where we face trouble many days.

Jesus reminds us in John 16:33, “In this world you will have trouble, but take courage, for I have overcome the world.”

And that’s the key to the ashes that cover our days in this life. The deeper Truth that shines through every bit of our grief, and pain, and sin, is this, Christ came to set us free. Christ came to redeem. Christ came to bring hope. Christ came to bring beauty from ashes.

Take courage dear friends who are facing deep battles. He is greater than any enemy we face in this life. We overcome because He has overcome and our lives are hidden in Christ. May God cover you with peace, may He bring healing in the face of hard news, may He bring deep, abiding joy that makes no sense to the world, may He bring comfort and care as He wraps you in His arms. The God of miracles fights for you today, and He is Mighty.

There's still beauty ahead...straight out of ashes. Christ redeems. Grace."

Thank you for your continued prayers for our Mikah. On May 21st, he will have chemo in his spine and will do so every 3 months from now until the end of treatment in November 2021. He will also go into the clinic once a month for chemo in his port. We still have to be careful with illness and sickness but life can resume a little bit back to "normal" for a 5 year old. He will also have daily meds and steroids for 5 days of the month when he receives chemo at the clinic. He's amazing and handles all of this without complaining. His strength makes us stronger. 

For those of you who continue to ask how you can still help, San Bernardino County Fire is still taking donations to the benevolent foundation here. Thank you!

 

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