How do you commemorate an individual who had a part in shaping every piece of who you are? A person who devoted every ounce of their being into raising and caring for you, laying the very foundation upon which your entire life is built? How can you possibly sit down to write out every nuance and essence of what a person like that means to you, being sure not to miss even one detail of their life, service and sacrifice, not leaving out even one precious memory you are desperately trying to recall and tuck deep in your heart to treasure forever? The simple answer to these questions is that you can’t- it’s impossible. I’m sure in the days and weeks and even years to come I will remember a memory or a character trait, or a lesson that I learned from mom, that didn’t come to me in the hour of my greatest grief of losing her. Maybe it will be a memory that I didn’t get the chance to reminisce over with her while she was still here by my side, a lesson I want to be sure she knows I caught and plan to apply, a sacrifice that didn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated, and I’m left with the suffocating feeling that I wasn’t able to express everything that I wanted to share with her about all the reasons I adore her, everything I will miss about who she is and what she does for us all that marked us all for eternity. I know I will spend my life lived in gratitude that God saw fit to give me the time He did with the Mom I have. And I’m certain that gratitude will show up in memories recalled for years and years to come. I will do my best to speak them to my children, to my friends and to my family, and she will go on changing the world and leaving her unique mark on people. 

Her legacy will live on not only through memories recounted, but in each one of her children, and in each and every grandchild that she doted on, adored, spoiled with extravagant love, and lived out the gospel for with every breath she breathed. The mark of being loved by mom changes you and makes you want to love others in the same way. Wherever we go, and whoever we encounter we will carry Mom’s legacy into the world by loving without restraint, without regard for ourselves and we will pour ourselves completely into whoever is in front of us.  To be loved by mom is to know a love very few people in the world are blessed enough to experience, and we will never take that for granted, but in gratitude we will share it with everyone who crosses our path. She is a gift to anyone blessed enough to have known her. 

She would welcome people into her home and make them feel so special with conversation and food and an always beautiful table. If she was talking to you, she was REALLY talking to you. Wanting to know details about your life, happy to offer advice or just listen. She really saw her friends and family and poured herself into their lives. As a mom and grandma she was able to meet our needs before I often even knew what they were. I have never known someone so patient and invested in her grandkids. I always think of the verse in the Bible that talks about letting the little children come to Jesus and not hinder them. Mom ALWAYS had time for their stories, ideas, art projects, games, etc. She knew how to play with them. When I was out of energy, she had what seemed like an infinite amount. She knew how to make the simplest of ideas so much fun. She could turn a simple lunch or game of hide and seek into a wonderful memory. In my most desperate of moments she would know just how to solve them. I remember one night in a season of sleepless nights with my sweet Finn that she came over and just held him all night for me so I could sleep, without even being asked. She never tried to change or make me feel bad about anything I was struggling with, she would just come alongside me and be there through it. 

I pray that we can love our children and families without restraint, unconditionally, and extravagantly as she always did. Even in the perfectly ordinary days she might do something so small but so special that most people would be too inconvenienced to do. Like when she would make us picnic lunches that she would put in a bucket and pulley it up to a tree branch where we liked to climb so we could eat our lunch in the tree. Or like when she used to put our pajamas in the dryer after we played in the snow, or after our bedtime baths, so that we felt on our physical bodies a literal sensation of warmth that merely mirrored the warmth of the love she carried in her heart towards us. These simple acts of love left us all with a certainty that we knew that we knew that we knew the depth of her devoted love for us kids. Because of her I won’t ever underestimate the impact I can have on the world by simply mothering well. 

Most importantly, my mom walked so very closely with Jesus, as her Lord and Savior, that gave her a complete certainty of eternity that was with her throughout her last days on earth. Without this hope for joining together again someday in eternity this would be so much more unfathomable. One day when we all meet again in Heaven. More people will be beside us all because she never shied away from an opportunity to share the hope of Heaven that only comes through knowing and being known by Jesus. Mom said her last month she felt like she had one foot in Heaven and one foot on earth and like she was watching everybody around her from above. It gave me a hope for Heaven that felt tangible, as though Heaven were closer than I ever imagined. I never felt like Heaven was that close, until Mom started to talk about it. I pray that I can carry on this legacy as well. Ella, my blunt little beauty, said, “When Grandma dies I want to be there because I want to see the Angels take her to Heaven.” Because Mom’s certainty in what comes after death seeped deep into the heart of her 5 year old granddaughter. 

Even in Mom’s last days here on earth she spent them how she lived them, putting everyone else before herself. She wrestled every night of her last weeks with us whether or not to take the medication that would help her sleep, because she wanted to be present and give us all the gift of herself for as long as she could. The world screams at us to put self care as our top priority and make sure nothing and no one comes between us and our dreams, aspirations and personal care, but Mom never bought into that lie, and lived as the gospel compelled her to by laying down her life for her family and friends. After she decided to go on hospice there was a constant stream of people pouring through her door to tell Mom what she meant to them, how her life and love impacted them, and how just by knowing her they were marked by her. As I listened to each heartfelt tribute to Mom, I realized while most of the world chases after their own personal glory, and satisfaction, Mom got this one very right. Her life points to the gospel with every sacrifice she made for her family, her children, her grandchildren and her friends. 

Mom’s pastor said “When you lose someone who loves so well, it hurts more deeply when they go, but you wouldn’t give up being loved that well, just to ease the hurt.” That couldn't be more true. I want to carry her legacy of love onto the next generation by loving like she does, and keep her alive through living out her love everywhere I go, with everyone I encounter. I am eternally thankful to be this incredible woman’s daughter, to be raised by her, to be loved by her, and to have learned so incredibly much from her.