Liana Joy - 15 years ago tomorrow (3/31) she entered this world as our first daughter. Though I held her in my womb and gave physical birth to her, she birthed me as a mama and as the woman I am today. For that, I am forever thankful to her. Liana’s physical presence invited me to grow, to change, and become more human, more divine. She has been my teacher in ways that no one else has come close to. She was ever curious - always asking questions, always seeking out sensory information from the world around her. She picked up frogs, spiders, and bugs with gentleness and fascination. She taught me to pay attention to the little things. She noticed and struggled with the textures of food & clothes, with loud sounds - with most of the modern Western lifestyle being way too much input for her nervous system to process. There were times that she was overwhelmed and, despite our best attempts, we didn’t know how to help soothe her; these times were so challenging for her, and for me as her mom. Through this, she taught me the necessity of slowing down, of learning to listen to our own rhythms. She taught me that as her mom, the best thing I can do is to be present with and be the presence of love amidst it all. This is a hard lesson for me; as her mama, I wanted to protect her and to sustain her life. It's an understatement to say that it's a hard thing to learn that in some significant ways her life wasn't mine to protect or sustain. Her soul's path is her own. She was and is a persistent teacher. She invited me to laugh and be silly, to let go of many social norms that do nothing to enliven us. She has shown me that Love knows no bounds and is a fire that is committed to seeing us transform beyond our limited vision for ourselves, and whose soothing waters and enveloping presence nourish desolate places.

Her presence now - as one in spirit form - is boundless, joy-filled, and free from all that challenged her in physical form. She continues to guide and teach me how to communicate with other people in the spirit realm (this is a great privilege and SO MUCH FUN!). She is persistent in her message that she is not “across the veil” or in some far off dimension, but truly right here with me. She has led me along paths of science that show me the truth of this…her form of pure energy moves at a much faster rate than our materialized form of energy - faster than our eyes can see. (For more on those subjects, read my last two blog posts). Through all of this I am learning to heal generational wounds beyond time and space. There is no fracture in relationship that can’t be repaired if we open our hearts. And I’ve been taken on a mach speed journey to re-member all the fractals of my being in the Wholeness of who I am. She is forever beckoning me on to more and more Joy!

Thank you for going ahead of us Liana Joy. Though my mama’s heart wishes there could’ve been another way, one that involved you staying here with us so I could see your beautiful face as a 15 year old, I’m slowly coming to accept that what you’ve said, is. In the mystery of it all, it had to be this way.

For her birthday, I invite you to say her name - to remember Liana Joy. Though she is not before our eyes as she once was, she is alive and forever whispering in our hearts and dancing right by our side. And, Liana Joy, it was an honor to fight dragons with you....I'll forever tell 'em your name! #foreverjoy #fortheloveofliana #pediatriccancer #childhoodcancer #grief #joy #spiritualawakening

 

LONG LIVE…Taylor Swift

Long live the walls we crashed through

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid

Long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

But if, God forbid, fate should step in

And force us into a goodbye

If you have children some day

When they point to the pictures

Please tell 'em my name

Long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

 

 

If you'd like to keep up with our journey - the grief, the Joy, so much of what we're learning, the unfolding of what awaits...I invite you to join me in two places: I write a SoulNote (a soul nourishing newsletter) once a month. Sign up at www.kristiebethihde.com   

 

I've also started a Substack page, where I'll write shorter pieces more frequently. Though I haven't written on there quite yet, the about page is ready ;-)   You can find me at  https://enspiredlife.substack.com

If you're not on social media, you'll also be able to keep up with Stephan through the EnspiredLife substack as well.  In the coming months, he might have some of his incredible photos available through an online store! 

 

Also, in the coming months I'll be working towards writing the begin-ending of this journey and putting it into a book form with the intention of publishing this journal along with the journey through grief as we now walk it.  I look forward to sharing that with you and anyone else who will read it! It's a story worth sharing!!! 

 

Thank you for your support, your love, your time and attention - those are precious gifts we have in this life and I appreciate you sharing yours with our family. 

 

with immense gratitude & Forever Joy,

Kristie for the four of us