I still remember the day like it was yesterday, December 3, 2018, the day we were told our little girl had cancer.  The day started getting a phone call at work, "Lexi doesn't really want to walk, take her to the docs to get checked and bring her back for lunch."  Later, we would find out that her preschool teacher saw these symptoms years ago in another little kid at preschool, and that she knew this wasn't a fluke, this was serious.  After being brushed off by the front desk and in-take nurse at our pediatrician's office, we saw Dr. Blackman (the only doctor we will know take Caroline to) and after a month of recurring fevers, ear infections and no answers, Dr. Blackman told me we had to go directly to the local hospital for bloodwork, he thought Lexi had Leukemia.  I knew, at that moment, she had it, and the next 10 hrs were just motions, waiting for a confirmation diagnosis at 9:30PM in a tiny room in the CHOP ER that was the size of a closet, as we signed our lives away to save our little girl.  Those next 10 hours were as if time stayed still, walking into Chop Voorhees to see a friend with her child for dehydration and just blurting out, "They think Lexi has Leukemia" or having conversations with our parents and sister that Lexi would be leaving Voorhees Chop via ambulance with Ethan to Philly Chop for more testing, and asking Ethan's parents to take Caroline for the night (at least), but really, Voorhees couldn't official diagnosis her, we needed a pediactric oncologist to confirm.  I needed control of something, instead of relinquishing control and letting my emotions be released, I drove over to Philly with Katie, who dropped everything to spend the next 7 hrs sitting in the ER waiting room, with Ethan, my parents and myself all taking turns back in the ER room with Lexi waiting for more tests, and that dreadful conversation at 9:30pm.  As Ethan and I sat in closet with an oncologist fellow, being told its Leukemia, and Lexi was being admitted to the hospital for the foreseeable future.  I remember leaving that room, walking back into Lexi's room and I felt hopeless and defeated, and just so apologetic that she wasn't able to go home, unable to fathom what was next.  My parents were there, our pastor, who is family to me was there, and I just remember praying, and needing air, I left the ER to get some air, to let those emotions out that I had been holding in all day, gather myself and go back to my little girl to start this fight.  By 11:30pm, Lexi was able to be taken to a room on 3South, her home for the next 7 days and begin this fight.  Fast foward, 365 days later, Lexi has not only continued to fight but is kicking cancer to the curb.

We have asked the unthinkable of Lexi for the past year, and she has gone along, because we're her parents, so why wouldn't she listen to us?  Lexi has gone through more medical procedures and taken more meds than anyone I've known prior to this journey.  When I think about the extent of what she has gone through, its debilitating, how can such a little body, a little sweet girl be asked to be put through hell and back when she's done nothing to deserve this pain.  The only thing we can ask of her is to continue to fight with all she has to continue to beat this awful disease, finish the fight on February 6, 2021 and turn 5, 2 days later.  With our hope, she will have this all put behind her by the time she is in kindergarten and never look back. 

Lexi has been in maintenance for the past 4 months, what does that mean?  Lexi takes daily chemo pills everyday, with additional set of chemo pills on Wednesday, an antibiotic on Mondays and Tuesdays.  Each 85th day, Lexi gets a sedated spinal tap with spinal chemo, along with IV chemo and 5 days of steroids.  All this being told, Lexi is unaware that anything is wrong.    Lexi's hair is growing back after the Doxorubicin took it away in May, she loves it growing back and tells us excitedly how it's growing so fast.  She is in preschool at our church for 3 1/2 days and really enjoys going to school.  Lexi is still immunocompromised but as a family, we are learning a new normal how to get out and have fun!  Lexi participated in a weekly soccer program in the fall, we went to Great Wolf Lodge for a long weekend and she went trick or treating as Dale, from Chip and Dale (with a cooperating little sister as Chip).  And now, enjoying all the Christmas activities we can get to!  Last year, I felt robbed, that Caroline and Lexi were sequestered to our house all December and really winter, because of germs.  We are doing all we can to get them out and enjoy the Christmas activities this season.  We've been to G-Boys display over at McNaughtons and a Christmas Hayride at Johnson's farm with some more fun coming this month. 

We may never know what caused Lexi to have random mutation of cells spark and spread throughout her body to cause this awful cancer to attack her body, but we have hope and faith that something will come from this.  Lexi has a long, purposeful life ahead of her and we cannot wait to see what she does with it.  As her parents, we hope to raise her to be a kind, caring person who gives back.  We cannot wait for the day that Lexi can fully understand how much she is loved and supported.  We can't wait to explain to her how so many people rallied around us as a family and prayed, supported and cared for her and us through this trying time.  The outpouring support from our families, friends, church, employers and even strangers has been amazing. We can never thank everyone individually enough what all your support has meant to us this past year, but please know, we are grateful for every ounce of support that has gotten us through this past year and the next 14 months of Lexi's treatment.
And PS...I know there's a dedicated post to her, but to our baby girl Caroline, we love you so much and couldn't ask for a better sister for Lexi, thank you for being you.  You are the perfect addition to our family and we can't wait to see how you change the world.