**** Caution- Sensitive Images Ahead ****


One year ago I completed radiation to my left breast. I was officially out of active treatment. It should have been a day of relief, self accomplishment, and excitement. But, it was none of those.  I felt lost in the dark. I was letting the unknown consume me. I never considered myself as a control freak, but I was freaking out of what I could not control. There was nothing else I could do to prevent to spread of my disease. There is no "cancer pill" I could take for one year, five years, ten years, or a life time. I get to sit and wait . . . God only knows.

The last time we spoke about radiation I was in the middle of my second week. And, that is when things got exciting. Not really. During the last three weeks of radiation is where you saw the greatest difference in skin changes. Not only did my skin turn red and blister, but my armpit turned black. I relied heavily on aloe vera and Aquaphor. Thankfully, I never had to worry about my bra rubbing and causing discomfort. I never wore one and still don't! Besides the skin burns I felt like I had heat stroke. So needless to say, the sun was not my friend for the remainder of the summer. Amazingly, as soon as I stopped treatment my skin started to heal very quickly. A not so pleasant surprise was how awful I felt two weeks following treatment. I definitely felt worse before I felt better. I felt like I was run over by a truck. It was horrible. It took a solid six weeks before it felt like all the radiation was out of my system.

After a year, you cannot tell I ever had radiation. My skin was totally healed by two months post radiation. I only feel skin tightness when I stretch. I am lucky I am a great healer. 

Since a year, I don't feel as lost in the dark. I may not know where I am going, but at least the sun is shinning.