Yesterday was my 1st "mapping" appointment for my cochlear implant. I'll be honest and say that I still feel quite lost. Dr. Moon asked me what was going well with the CI since I'd last seen her a month ago and I couldn't come up with any positives. Yall know that I am typically a Glass Half FULL kind of girl. But this CI journey has been a struggle for me. I am wearing it all day, doing the online exercises, but still unable to make sense of what anyone is saying. And the constant noise is exhausting! There have been many times this month where I just wanted to give up and embrace SSD (single-sided deafness). Then I remember how lucky I am that 1) I was even eligible to get this hearing device, 2) we fought to get insurance approval and 3) I have lots of years ahead of me to learn and grow into my new "ear".  I am trying to focus on the positives and push through...

But I am NOT patient.

At the appointment, my CI/ear was attached to a computer to see how well the nerves were responding. The first part was just a bunch of beeps where I didn't have to do anything but remain still. The computer talked to my CI which then recorded activity on the different electrodes. My version has 22 electrodes, each stimulates cells at different locations which then transmits to different frequencies in the auditory nerve. The computer records where there is activity. Not sure how, but it was cool to watch. She then played a series of beeps that I had to listen for which she did some adjusting on the computer. 

POSITIVE: She was able to see activity at ALL points, but only the mid-range frequency was super active. What this means is that high and low voices or intonations are not being heard which makes it hard to understand any speech. With more rehab, I should have access to all frequencies.

This first part was disheartening because she was having trouble accessing the data. As yall remember, I have to use a sticker magnet to connect the processor and apparently not only did we have it in the wrong place, but it kept disconnecting which meant the nerve was not being continuously stimulated even though I was wearing it all day.

POSITIVE: Dr. Moon showed Erik where the sticker should be placed. He is shaving my head every few days to help the sticker stay in place. She also gave us a stronger magnet to help the processor stay better connected. I can already tell a huge difference.

The second part of the appointment had me going into the sound box. If you've never had a real hearing test, this room is like a padded cell with a little chair in it. It's soundproof and a little cozy or claustrophobic, depending on the day?! Dr. Moon put a noise canceling headphone that played white noise on my right ear so I could not rely on it at all. Then she tested word recognition by having the computer say a word which I could feasibly hear through the speaker in my box. I repeated the word back, or made my best guess.

POSITIVE: While I felt like I was making wild guesses, Dr. Moon opened the door with a huge smile and said I did great! She was so impressed that she wanted to try sentences next. 

The sentences felt like they were on 4.0x speed. I could sometimes find the first word or so, but most of the time I had no idea and just made my best guess. Unbeknownst to me, Erik could hear all my wild guesses while he sat with Dr. Moon in the other room. While she was recording my answers on paper, he was getting the giggles wondering what in the world I was thinking. You can see some of my word guesses in the attached photos. For sentences, you can thankfully only see which words I got right not the totally random guesses I made. 

POSITIVE: Toward the end of testing, I was getting tired and frustrated. All of a sudden, I heard every word of a sentence! I can't tell you how great that felt to really understand what someone said instead of hearing only bits and pieces. It gave me the nudge of hope that I needed to finish out the appointment.

While this appointment was not the magic adjustment to hearing that I had hoped for, it was incredibly positive. Dr. Moon kept reminding me that this a journey and I AM making great progress. She felt really optimistic that I would regain full hearing, but it will likely take months of work. She reminded me to be patient, to focus on the positive and to persevere - all great life lessons.

So now I am wearing an earplug in my hearing ear to force my CI to do more work. It's isolating and frankly, annoying, but I am committed. The goal for my next appointment (11/6) is to get a passing grade?!

8/2 Activation: 0% word recognition
8/30 1st Mapping: 34% word recognition

**backpack is what Cochlear gave me, filled with so much stuff for this little implant