I am 28. I was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer in November of 2018 when I was 27. This diagnosis was after a week of being in a septic coma and undergoing 2 exploratory surgeries to try to find what was causing me to be so sick. This was also two weeks after I gave birth to my son. In January of 2018 they found a 7mm tumor on my liver. Which then put me at stage 4 metastatic colon cancer. I am recovering from the sepsis, all 8 of my surgeries, and undergoing chemotherapy all at the same time! Although I am technically disease free, I will be continuing treatments until the foreseeable future. This journal is to keep friends and family updated with what is going on, and to also tell about all of my hospital stays during last winter. Thank you for visiting my journal page!
I usually try to be positive and upbeat, I try to be a light in an otherwise dark world. My goal since being diagnosed (besides staying healthy) has been to be an encouragement for anyone going through something hard. Lately, it has been hard to feel positive. Although I am in remission from stage 4 colon cancer, I am still undergoing treatments and still deal with things on a daily basis that no one will ever know. I deal with not only physical things, but emotional and mental things as well. A simple stomach ache one evening will lead to me not sleeping for nights and nights out of fear that I will wake the next morning and relive that horrific day in November 2017 all over again. I think people often forget that not only am I dealing with stage 4 cancer, but I am still recovering from multi organ failure and septic shock that basically killed me. I’ve been told my body will never fully recover from that. Most days I take everything in stride and don’t let much get me down. I am a pretty positive person and live life thinking about the good instead of the bad. But, lately I just feel beaten down. It seems thing after thing has gone wrong. I won’t go into detail of everything I am going through right now, but man sometimes it sucks to be me. I find myself asking God “can’t I just have a break?” He quickly reminds me that He has given me break after break...I’m still alive when I should be gone...I have an amazing family that supports me...and I AM in remission from stage 4 cancer that has a 14% survival rate. I often find myself thinking the phrase “why me? It’s not fair!” I think “I’m a decent human being, I try to do good, I always have! Why are there bad people out there getting everything handed to them and have a clean bill of health then my family struggles and I am sick!” I will never understand God’s reasoning for all this while on earth. I can just hope that I am doing what he is calling me to do with all of this. I am reminding myself that it’s okay to be sad sometimes, I don’t always have to be upbeat and gogogo. Sometimes I can just feel sad and feel sorry for myself because...I’ve gone through some crappy stuff in my short 29 years that most people will never go through their entire lives! So, I’m sorry for the downer post. This is mostly for me to vent, but also to remind people who are going through something hard that you’re not alone, and also that it can always be worse. I know my situation could be much worse and I am thankful everyday that it’s not. So, if anyone else is struggling...it’s okay :) be sad today and then tomorrow we can get back up and press on.