It has been a while since my last post. And it's not because I've been caught in the things of the world. I've been just trying to be present. This is a part of my life I always have struggled with: be present.
What does to be present means? To enjoy that present moment with the person next to you, including your spouse or your kids. To notice when someone needs to be heard. To enjoy and notice the birds around you, the blooming flower, the wind in your skin.
How the weather changes, the people next to you needing a smile that day. To notice when God is calling you.
We all struggle with this part of our lives either because we have so much going on in our heads or because of our anxieties. And we know that we should cast all our fears to the Lord, but there's that human part of us that doesn't want to let it go.
1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."
And I don't know who needed to read this, but God woke me up at 3:30 am this morning. He asked me to make a coffee and sit down to write before everyone else wakes up. I definitely needed this self-reminder to let go of my anxieties and worries and the self-assurance that God is in total control.
It doesn't get easier or better to be an alienated parent, but I have to say that I am doing so much better in giving this cup to Jesus since this diagnosis of cancer.
Luke 22:42 "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."
The peace I am experimenting with is indescribable. Precisely on October 29th, during my morning routine of prayer, meditation, and worship, I asked Jesus for guidance and wisdom as I wanted to write a letter to my daughters. His voice was so clear when He told me, "I'm working with your youngest (He mentioned her actual name), trust me" "You need to fix yourself first before them (my daughters)" Then I asked what exactly do I need to fix and the Holy Spirit said, "surrender, repentance, humbleness, believe".
Yes, these four words are beautiful but also complicated. It is a learning process, and you can only get better at this by dedicated that extra time to Jesus. He is always there to help us; we are the ones that are always busy or, as it happened to me sometimes, we are afraid to change. We are scared to receive His grace and glory!
Have you thought about that? Is that human sense again of holding our cross and don't want to let it go. We have to! It's time to surrender and let go of every single cross on our backs. God's plans are perfect. He is the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end. No outcome will ever be better than His in our lives.
The Holy Spirit showed me through Matthew 10 that I only need to fix my eyes on His kingdom. I was going through more anxiety, trying to find cures for my cancer. I was worried every morning about what I would eat that day that it doesn't feed cancer.
I was worried that I had to spend 2 hours doing juicing, that I had to exercise, the infrared sauna, yoga, meditation, etc. Until that afternoon, when I went to my knees and when I opened the Bible, He spoke to me with Matthew 10.
Again, the peace I feel now is priceless, and I prefer to live this way when I was spending my whole day trying to fix my health problem myself without trusting the Lord.
And hey, I'm not saying to start eating unhealthy or stop taking your supplements or doing your alternative therapies.
I'm still doing all of that. Is just that I gave my health to Jesus. I'm trusting Him, and the results were seen the next day when the tumors started to shrink and disappear with only one chemo. I do feel more relaxed to enjoy with my family and friends a piece of cake or pasta. Before surrendering to Jesus, I was too strict, which, of course, can make you feel miserable.
I'm enjoying life; I am PRESENT!
I invite you to do the same. Give your cross to the Lord and start enjoying your life and be present! After all, this life is short, and by trusting the Lord, we guarantee our eternal life.