Journal entry by Zachary Miller —
Yesterday, Kaley and I would have celebrated our 18th Wedding Anniversary. The week leading up to the Anniversary was the hardest yet since she went to be with the Lord. Through God's mercy and you prayers yesterday was far better than I expected, and by faith I believe that He a reedemer of both this and every situation where sin comes in and steals, kills, and destroys. As I write what I think might be the last Caring Bridge update, two things come to mind.
First, the story of where God first revealed to me that He is a redeemer. In the winter of 2007 Kaley and I bought our first home together in Bossier City, LA. It was a brand new house and God through circumstances made it clear that He had reserved it for us. As we negotiated the terms I discovered that the builder was only going to lay sod in the front yard and a small portion of the large back yard. Kaley pregnant with Keziah I wanted sod in the entire back yard so I worked with the builder to get that added at a price. But what I did not consider was that the remainder of the back yard had not been leveled or tilled. Subsequently, I came home one day from work and found landscapers just throwing sod on a hilly, uneven, and fully of weeds back yard and I was livid as there were tons of gaps and it look really shoddy. For the next four years I looked out there and grew frustrated with myself and the builder. Frustrated with myself for not preparing the land prior to the sod and frustrated with the builder for not taking pride in his work. Keziah and Zion both learned to walk on uneven ground and every time they stumbled I was mad. And most of all I was mad because those weeds under the sod grew through the gaps and it was a war to keep them at bay those four years. However, in the April of 2011 right before we moved to Colorado God redeemed those four years. I was out pulling those darned weeds for the thousandth time and little Zion came out and joined me. At 18 months he moved quite well because Kaley had taught him gymanastics from birth. As I pulled weeds he started exploring the backyard and then in wonder found a lady bug on one of the 18 inch tall thistles that grew out between those gaps in the sod in middle of the back yard. He was mesmerized by the lady bug and that he had discovered it. And in that moment I saw how God had redeemed those entire four years. That one moment was worth all of the frustration, work, and disappointment that back yard had held. And God opened my eyes to see that He is a redeemer, therefore I don't have to fear my mistakes or things that do not turn out as planned any longer. Rather in faith I can believe that He will make it beautiful in His time. So in faith I look forward and believe that He will redeem this as well.
And so this morning I'm on leave from the Air Force and it has been all quiet and God gave me a little peek into what happened to Kaley once she left this earth on Feb 26th. In the clip I saw Kaley from behind dressed in her white and beautiful wedding dress just like the day we were married. She slowly walked forward, bouquet in hand, and there was bright milky white light all around her, almost like a winter forest where the snow is so deep and covers everything so that there is a near white out but it was not cold. Kaley continued to walk forward and then she heard Jesus call her and she quickened her steps towards the voice. And then she was tranfigured as she began to run and draw closer. I could then see from the side and she began to run faster and grow younger, shorter, smaller and became as a little child say 5-7 years of age. And then, at last, I saw Jesus crouched down on one knee ready to catch her. She ran into his arms as a little child and I have never ever seen something more beautiful in my entire life as they embraced and held each other... And then after some long period of time she looked over at me and spoke to me and it has provided such closure. She's home.
Through this God revealed to me Matthew 18:3 "And He said, 'Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.' "
Lord Jesus, change my heart and help me become a little child that I may enter Your Kingdom. Amen.
First, the story of where God first revealed to me that He is a redeemer. In the winter of 2007 Kaley and I bought our first home together in Bossier City, LA. It was a brand new house and God through circumstances made it clear that He had reserved it for us. As we negotiated the terms I discovered that the builder was only going to lay sod in the front yard and a small portion of the large back yard. Kaley pregnant with Keziah I wanted sod in the entire back yard so I worked with the builder to get that added at a price. But what I did not consider was that the remainder of the back yard had not been leveled or tilled. Subsequently, I came home one day from work and found landscapers just throwing sod on a hilly, uneven, and fully of weeds back yard and I was livid as there were tons of gaps and it look really shoddy. For the next four years I looked out there and grew frustrated with myself and the builder. Frustrated with myself for not preparing the land prior to the sod and frustrated with the builder for not taking pride in his work. Keziah and Zion both learned to walk on uneven ground and every time they stumbled I was mad. And most of all I was mad because those weeds under the sod grew through the gaps and it was a war to keep them at bay those four years. However, in the April of 2011 right before we moved to Colorado God redeemed those four years. I was out pulling those darned weeds for the thousandth time and little Zion came out and joined me. At 18 months he moved quite well because Kaley had taught him gymanastics from birth. As I pulled weeds he started exploring the backyard and then in wonder found a lady bug on one of the 18 inch tall thistles that grew out between those gaps in the sod in middle of the back yard. He was mesmerized by the lady bug and that he had discovered it. And in that moment I saw how God had redeemed those entire four years. That one moment was worth all of the frustration, work, and disappointment that back yard had held. And God opened my eyes to see that He is a redeemer, therefore I don't have to fear my mistakes or things that do not turn out as planned any longer. Rather in faith I can believe that He will make it beautiful in His time. So in faith I look forward and believe that He will redeem this as well.
And so this morning I'm on leave from the Air Force and it has been all quiet and God gave me a little peek into what happened to Kaley once she left this earth on Feb 26th. In the clip I saw Kaley from behind dressed in her white and beautiful wedding dress just like the day we were married. She slowly walked forward, bouquet in hand, and there was bright milky white light all around her, almost like a winter forest where the snow is so deep and covers everything so that there is a near white out but it was not cold. Kaley continued to walk forward and then she heard Jesus call her and she quickened her steps towards the voice. And then she was tranfigured as she began to run and draw closer. I could then see from the side and she began to run faster and grow younger, shorter, smaller and became as a little child say 5-7 years of age. And then, at last, I saw Jesus crouched down on one knee ready to catch her. She ran into his arms as a little child and I have never ever seen something more beautiful in my entire life as they embraced and held each other... And then after some long period of time she looked over at me and spoke to me and it has provided such closure. She's home.
Through this God revealed to me Matthew 18:3 "And He said, 'Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.' "
Lord Jesus, change my heart and help me become a little child that I may enter Your Kingdom. Amen.
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