Greetings From Our Little, Big Farm

I can hardly believe that it’s 2022! How did that happen? Where did the time go?

Well, if we’re honest, I wasn’t sad to see 2021 go actually! And yet, in some ways, I hate the distance I feel from 2019. As each year passes, we get farther and farther away from Josh’s going Home. And that creates a different kind of ache. I wouldn’t say the ache is going away. It’s just different. It hurts in a different way as each year passes and we move farther from the last time hearing his voice, his laugh, holding his hand and seeing him face to face.

Time. 

Sometimes it stands still. 

And other times it races and I can hardly catch up.

Since it HAS been such a long time from the last update, I thought it would be good to do a quick wrap up of the year. It helps to share with those who are still following us along the way and who are continuing to pray and send encouraging notes (thank you, by the way!)

And it’s also helpful for me as I look back. I do look back, actually. It helps to see where we’ve been. And where we are going. My writing has always been a way to share with others. But it has also served as a way for me document the ways that God has shown Himself to be faithful. And good. And He has been. Even during some of our difficult and challenging days this past year. It’s so easy to forget, isn’t it? So, for me, it’s a way to remember.

My last real post/update was in July. That’s almost eight months ago! 

July. 

The month of Josh’s going home....

I remember sitting in a grief share support group that very first year, just months after losing Josh. The grief counselors and others in the room who had been through the class before shared how the 2nd year is harder than the first. 

I remember thinking to myself, “Umm...harder than THIS? ‘Cause this really stinks! I cannot imagine it getting HARDER than this!”

Grief is a weird thing. It really does come in waves. There are moments where I feel totally and completely in control and ‘fine’ with everything going on around me. 

And then...

And then...BAM!!!! 

A song. 

A couple walking down the street. 

A dad playing with his kids. 

A family of four out to dinner.

A fire truck siren...

I knew that I wouldn’t be OVER it in the second year. I will never be over Josh. I knew it would take time. Time to heal. But I didn’t expect it to be HARDER.

Well, I thought that I was ‘handling’ things okay. Yes, even when I was triggered and had those difficult days. I still felt like God was holding me. I still felt His presence. I felt thankful and grateful in the midst of those lingering and difficult days, but my body was remembering all of it.

In August I had another set back with my health.  I shared before that in March I ended up in the hospital due to a Crohn’s flare. I was at Abbott for 5 days and when I finally got home, it seemed like it took forever to heal and start feeling better again. I never really felt GREAT actually. But I was starting to eat a little bit more each day. I was actually down to 98 lbs. which I guess probably wasn’t the best.

But August was different. It was a Wednesday and I started to feel nauseous and was experiencing abdominal pain unlike the last time. I immediately put myself to bed, but by 10:30 PM I woke up with severe pain and I started throwing up. 

This went on until I couldn’t take it any longer and I finally started making phone calls. 

I needed help. 

Unfortunately it was now 12:30 AM and most people were sleeping. I made a few phone calls and finally reached my parents who answered. They left immediately to come be with the kids. I knew that I couldn’t drive. And I couldn’t wait for them to get to me. 

So I called an ambulance.

I hated the thought of going by ambulance, but I was in so much pain and was vomiting every few minutes that I knew I wouldn’t be able to get myself there. 

I had a CT scan around 3:30 AM and it turned out to be a bowel obstruction. They started me on some medication and shoved an NG tube down my nose and throat and there I stayed for another 4 days. Surgery was once again discussed as a possibility, but only time would tell. 

In all the 10 years that I’ve had Crohn’s I have never experienced these kinds of complications and set backs. It has been frustrating to say the least. I have had to resort to medications I’ve been trying to stay away from due to the side effects. And to top things off, when my doctor AND surgeon determined what medication I should be on, the insurance denied it. They said I had to try a different medication first. And IF that fails, THEN they will approve what my doctor prescribed. I better not go down that tangent...so we’ll just leave it at that!

When I started writing this update, I was going to say that I was happy to report that I was doing much better. That the medication seemed to be working okay. But I had another bout and am in the middle of trying to manage another incident at home again. I am still careful with my diet and try to watch what I am consuming.  The drugs I’m on suppress my immune system so I have been struggling with several infections (sinus related, flu/COVID, etc). But we are still trying to negate surgery. And I’d really love to keep ALL of my colon if I can! :)  

Anyways, if you are so inclined to pray, I would welcome them as I am tired and weary of being sick. I want to be able to be the best mom that I can be to Kaden and Emma. And not have to worry about the “next” time. 

Ok, moving on...

In the middle of all of THAT drama, we started having animal drama!!

Let’s see....let’s do a quick recap. So early spring, we lost a couple of our older hens to a FOX! Boo! So, we stopped free ranging and kept them locked up in their coop and run. Around that same time, we also got our annual spring chicks! YAY!! I mean, seriously, who doesn’t love baby chicks?? They are SO cute! We went in just to get “a few” and came home with 13!!!! THIRTEEN you guys! Well, it’s like my favorite meme says, “I really only wanted to have 10 chickens. But if God wants me to have 20, then 40 it is!” Ha! Chicken math is real!! Okay, back to the animals. Kaden got the ducks he wanted! Yay! But we lost a couple. Boo! 

In early March we discovered that our youngest cat was pregnant! She was only 10 months and she ran off and found a boy cat down the road. While this wasn’t really the plan, it did add some excitement! We watched patiently as she grew bigger and bigger. And as the day was getting closer, we made all the preparations to have a home birth right here!! And I was the residential midwife! :) Well, she finally gave birth and we were actually HOME and able to witness all THREE kittens being born. Actually, we watched TWO being born. We missed the last one. But it was so fun and so exciting for all of us! YAY!! 

Shortly after, one of the kittens was having a hard time and eventually mama refused to feed him/her. She didn’t make it despite our efforts to bottle feed and hold on. We were sad, but we also know that this just happens sometimes and mama seemed to know, which is why she started to refuse her.

Around that same time, mama started to experience some problems of her own. She ended up with a terrible infection, Mastitis. Several vet appointments, emergency visits, medications, and lots and LOTS of prayers....she pulled through. It was honestly a miracle! She was not eating. She was so incredibly weak and thin there was just NO way she was going to make it. But somehow she did!! Yay!!

We WERE going to just keep one of the kittens, but since there were only three and one didn’t make it, we couldn’t just keep one and re-home just ONE. So, we kept BOTH!! The middle one was the kitten that didn’t make it. So we were left with the first and the last...which we named Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last!!! A reminder of our Creator, the Alpha and Omega...the Beginning and the End! They are very sweet boys and they are AWESOME hunters!! Our mice population has definitely gone DOWN!! YAY!!

So as you can see, lots of ups and downs with the animals. At this time, I knew that we needed to take a step back and not jump in and take on more than we could handle. And right now, that was all we could handle. 

It was a little sad because we not only lost a couple of our older hens, but late Spring we lost our ENTIRE flock (except one) of our older chickens PLUS Sully our Rooster that we adopted from another ranch. 

When we lost the rest of our older chickens, we decided that maybe it was time for our guardian dog. We had decided that we wanted to get a dog eventually, but maybe we needed to get him NOW rather than later. We needed a protector from the fox!

So, I  jumped online and started researching breeders for Great Pyrenees. That was the type of dog we all decided we wanted!

Well, this will be a fun story for later when we actually bring him home. But God answered our prayer to find one. And not only that, but this family is just beautiful and has gifted us a puppy! We were supposed to get him last spring, but with all of my medical shenanigans, I felt it was necessary to put things on hold. BUT we are aiming toward bringing him home this Spring! And I can’t wait to share more of this story with you! It’s just another way that God has provided!

HANK!! HANK the farm dog will be joining us SOON!!! So stay tuned for that part of the story. AND how he got his name!!! It’s the best!

Well, before I wrap things up, I just want to give you a little update on the kids. They are doing great. They are really thriving and I am enjoying watching them grow and discover their gifts! 

Kaden is 13. He will be 14 in April! Hard to believe! He will be driving in just over a year. Yikes! He joined Civil Air Patrol (CAP) last April and has been enjoying learning about leadership, aerospace and all things flying. I did post something on facebook awhile back when he had his first flight. It sort of blew me away that here he is ‘driving’ in the sky, even though he can’t drive on the roads yet! :) He is enjoying all aspects of CAP and has proven to be a real leader. 

He also got his first job! Remember the tree farm down the road from us? The one that we got our Christmas tree from last year and this year? Yes! That’s the tree farm! the funny thing is that the first year we got our tree I asked him if he’d ever want to work at a place like that?! We were just riding back on the hay wagon after picking out our Christmas Tree. He just kind of shrugged and said, “Yeah, maybe!” 

Well, a year later, here is is working at one of the biggest tree farms in MN! It was a great experience for him. He worked through Christmas and there may be an opportunity for him to go back in the Spring. He also enjoys going to youth group and has taught himself how to play the ukulele and guitar. He plays in the youth worship band and has even played during the Sunday worship services recently. He enjoys getting together with friends, playing air soft and anything outdoors/sports related! He is very helpful around the house and property. He always has an idea for how to fix something and does a great job keeping the driveway plowed. He is turning into an exceptional young man and I’m incredibly proud. He is just like Josh in so many ways! He has a servant heart and is always the first to jump in and help!

Emma is 12 and she has grown up so much this year! She loves horses and all animals really!! We would literally have every animal if it were up to her!  Well, horses at least.  And highlander cows. And Emu’s! :) 

She took lessons from a sweet friend from church who has a horse ministry. She learned many aspects of riding and horsemanship and is really excited to get a horse of her own someday! Watching her ride this summer was a highlight. Her face lit up every time she stepped into the arena. 

Now that she is 12, which is the minimum age for CAP, she also joined Civil Air Patrol. She has talked about wanting to get her pilots license and I would love to see her accomplish that goal and look forward to what the future holds for her.

She is also very active in her youth group and enjoys spending time with her friends. She started piano lessons this year, but even prior to that, she self-taught and enjoys sitting down and playing worship songs! She is so creative and loves to draw, write and create. 

Emma is thoughtful and kind. I see so many of Josh’s qualities in her also and it warms my heart to see her follow after her dad’s qualities. She has a BIG heart that sees others and she’s incredibly generous and I am so proud of her!  

Aside from my health stuff, I am still excited to see what God has in store for us this next year. I hope that it includes additional animals for our little hobby farm. It might look a little differently than I had expected, but we are trying to listen and follow His lead. Sometimes that means to wait. And waiting is definitely not easy.

I am super excited about the Biblical Counseling class I’ve been taking. Our church is a training center for the Association of Biblical Counselors (ACBC). I’ve been going through the certification course and just completed 30 hours of training. 

Well, that is a lot! If you’re still with me, thank you for sticking it out! It means a lot to us that you continue to stay engaged with us. 

I want to share one last story with you in closing.

As Christmas approached this year, the emotions started to amp up again. They just have a way of doing that. Well, this year, as I’ve mentioned, was no exception. While there were lots of distractions and ‘good’ things happening, we would be celebrating another Christmas without Josh. 

Well, on December 23, the day before Christmas Eve, a friend texted me. Her husband is a pilot and has his own airplane (or two...or three!). She wondered if we were free...and if we would want to go up with him!

I had planned to clean and make food that day as we were hosting my side of the family for Christmas this year.

But...THAT can wait, I thought as I read my friends message!

“Yes! Yes, we are free!”

We had talked briefly about it at church a week or so prior and I thought that’d be fun for the kids at some point if he was ever serious about taking them up! But he totally WAS serious and apparently had been watching the weather

during the week. And that day, the 23rd, was going to be a good day for flying! He knew the kids’ interest in flying through the Civil Air Patrol program. And he had a 4-seater airplane so he could take ALL three of us!

We made the arrangements and had a time/location. We were to meet him at the Princeton Municipal Airport at 11:00am. 

He had the whole thing planned out so that each of us would have a turn as “co-pilot.” Our flight path would take us to two different airports where we would fuel and switch seats. Kaden started in the front from Princeton and then Emma took over at the next stop and then I even got a turn at the next airport stop before flying back to Princeton!

It was incredible! The day was perfect. Clear and not windy at all! We even flew over our house and saw all parts of Cambridge and Princeton. We had a great time and each of us had a turn at actually flying. (Um, I don’t think I will quit my day job!) I wasn’t a natural like Kaden and Emma. Seriously, they were SO good! Although, I do have to say that once I took my eyes OFF of the computer/screen and just looked OUT—at the horizon and the wings on each side, I finally settled in and felt it. Spiritual application there for a later time...

Anyways, the reason I wanted to share this story with you is because when we stopped at the first airport, we all got out so that we could switch seats. Emma was going to take the co-pilot position and we needed to get fuel. It was a beautiful day, so while we were just standing there, I took a little walk around the aircraft. And then I saw it.

WARRIOR.

The name on the side of the plane...was WARRIOR. 

I heard our friend talking to the tower during take off and thought that I heard him say something like ‘warrior,’ through the headsets, but I wasn’t sure. And was pretty sure I was making that up in my head!

But now I was sure.

Maybe it doesn’t seem significant to you. But it did to me. I don’t think it was an accident that the plane had the name “Warrior” and that that was how he identified himself over the radio. Maybe it’s a common aircraft name, I don’t know. But honestly, I didn’t care. Because it could have been something else. Anything else. But it wasn’t. 

It was WARRIOR. 

Some days it seems like our fight is far from over. Some days I feel like I’m on top of the mountain. Other days it feels like I’m back in the pit and it’s too hard to battle. 

And THEN I am reminded...on a day like this day, that God is constantly watching over us. That He loves us. That He has not forgotten or forsaken us.

He is a Mighty Warrior!

Oh friends, the battle belongs to Him. 

I WILL keep fighting. 

Fighting to be more like Him. 

As we wrap up 2021 and enter into 2022, I pray that God will continue to be the center of our lives. Thank you for being part of ours! 

And now, may “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” -Numbers 6:24-26

We love you,

Christine, Kaden & Emma