You are surrounded by loved ones and friends. Your mailbox is flooded with cards with expressions of sympathy and promises of prayers. Then if you were blessed like we were, the day of the funeral, exceeds your expectations!  You find out the true impact your loved one had with those he came in contact with, and you find out how many friends you truly have and how loved you really are.

 No matter how difficult your situation has been up to this point, you are bolstered up by the strength of the Lord, and the adrenaline of the human body. Your family share such precious memories and you and you realize you will never forget the value of a life well lived.  Then this period ends…..

On Monday, the stark reality hits you. There are banking changes to be made, death certificates to be filed,  papers have to be gathered, passwords to be found, credit cards to be cancelled, changes of names for accounts, vehicles, my contact person for all my service providers, routine appointments, set up months in advance, need to be cancelled, people to be notified, and life insurance to be claimed. I discovered that most accounts, (like utilities and the like) needed to be closed.  Those are under one person’s social Security number, and are not transferable. So on those calls, it became closing out one account and opening up a new one with a different Social Security number. Oh goody, I get to stay on the phone twice as long! 🥳  Nearly every single line item in your budget, the deals with a company, has to be contacted.   The list doesn’t seem to end. The more places you contact, the more places you realize you need to contact! 🤦‍♀️

What you thought would be 1 phone call, 📞 turns into 3! That “brief” hold turns into 2 1/2 hours. ⏱ You have to answer the

most bizarre questions you’ve ever asked, which seem to have nothing to do with with what you’re calling about.  

Lest you think I’m imagining it, allow me to give you an example. 🤷‍♀️ In contacting the gas company, I was told that although my name was on the account, it was under Jerry’s social security number, so the account had to be closed. Then we would open a new account in my name. Before we could get started, (little did I know I would take the next three hours to finish it 🤦‍♀️), I needed to be verified as a person. The dialogue went like this:

Representative: “well ma’am we need to identify exactly who you are.   Can you please give me the phone number of the last

home you lived in?”  

Me: “But, we’ve been living here for 22 years!” 🤨  

Representative: “Yes ma’am, I understand that.  ☺️ But I must validate that. Just give me the phone number, please!”

Me: ( I am so thankful God gave me the mind of an elephant 🐘)  I rattled off,  “231-755–6638” 

Representative: “ we’re off to an excellent start! 🥳 now can you recall that address, please?”

Me: ”1243 Montgomery Avenue, Muskegon, Michigan 49441”

Representative: “ just one final question, Mrs. Collins, what other states have you lived in, if any?”

Me: “Texas, would you like me to recall that address as well? Fully prepared to rattle off our seminary address of 41 years ago,” 

Representative: “ no, that won’t be necessary I’m fully convinced you are Ruth Collins.”  

Honestly, this is exactly the way the phone call went. It wasn’t enough that I had all the account information and they had taken my Social Security number too, I had to be recognized as a person by my addresses!  🤦‍♀️

Probably my “favorite” (oh, you hear the sarcasm in my voice? 😵‍💫) what is the one, I I thought would be a 5️⃣minute call. It was simply to remove Jerry’s name from our seasonal phone at the cabin. 🏡  I had always thought things in the UP were so much more relaxed, simplistic even. Well…. You learn something new every day! 💡  I explained why I was calling (yes, I’m also on the account)  They required a copy of the death certificate. 🙇‍♀️  They made it very easy. All I had to do was email them a screenshot and they will take care of it. Thank goodness I didn’t have to waste a stamp and the time to take it to the post office! Like the Staples ad used to say, That was easy!  Five weeks later, I received our final phone bill, in Jerry’s name. When I called, I’m not pulling your leg, I had to go through the whole process again. Apparently it went into their spam account, and the dear sweet woman on the phone did not know how to check the spam account. So I suggested, I could just send it again, asking her for the email address again.  She thought it would be a much better idea if she emailed me and I replied with the picture as a saved attachment. As I prayed for patience, I gave her my email address. I heard her say each letter as she typed it in. Wrote on the subject line “copy of death certificate”.  Then proceeded to hear her continue to speak and type.  “Dear Ruth, would you please be so kind as to send me a copy of your husband‘s death certificate?  This will enable me to take his name off the account. (As I am thinking,  “are you kidding me?”)  She continued, “ all right dear hang on just a minute while I press send.”  😘 I waited for it to float through cyberspace, from the middle of the Hiawatha national forest, which clearly must have speed limits! When it finally arrived three minutes later, as I thought, there was no way for me to attach it while using reply key.  As she proceeded to tell me a few ideas she had and how it might work……, I went online found the web address for the company and sent it to her. Within four minutes, it’s still not arrived. She suggested she had taken up enough of my time. 🤷‍♀️ She said, “tomorrow when the other girl was in the office, she would have her check her spam account and see if it went in there instead.” Meanwhile back at the ranch, I was now late for a doctors appointment! 🤦‍♀️  After my appointment, I see a message on my phone. I give you one guess who from!  You’re right 🥳 it’s my friend Sue, from the phone company! I listened to the sweet message telling me, “ she did receive my email. How much she appreciated me sending it. However, Could you please call me back?  We now need to reset all the security questions, since the previous answers were Jerry’s.” It only took 5 minutes to give my answers. We said our goodbyes, wishing one another a Merry Christmas! 🎄 I told her I would be in touch in the spring when it was time to turn the phone back on. She told me she hopes she will be working that day, so we could chat again. My frustrated heart softened.  How could I be upset with the sweetest, kindest, little lady at the UP phone office? All she really wanted to do was help me. ♥️  After my original frustration, God used this experience to remind me, He’s in charge of my time, not me!  Life is more enjoyable when you don’t try to change things you can’t!  I am grateful HE chose to reiterate this principle to me in such a humorous fashion! 😂

What I thought would be a simple phone call, became a big hassle in my opinion. My frustration level was growing, I felt like a broken record, or that I was reinventing the wheel, and kept thinking there has to be a better way to do this! 🙇‍♀️   OK, enough with the Side bars, and examples. Back to the variety of protocols and procedures. 

Some companies require you to file paperwork online.  ⌨️ Others insist only a phone call will do! ☎️ Still others take your information, and say they’ll return that call, as soon as it’s looked into more deeply.  You discover not a single utility, company, account, bank, or credit card, have the same requirements! 😟  Oh yes, those utility calls I mentioned above, those eventually leads to your mailbox being flooded, with  “welcome to our company pamphlets, book outlets, and refrigerator magnets”, 🎉 when you’ve been with them for over 30 years!  You look around your kitchen table 🧾🗂📇🖇🖋✏️📝 scattered with bills, Account statements, file folder,  some written on some are not, phone numbers,  sticky notes, pencils, highlighters, and little scraps of paper that must have meant something to Jerry. While I am left feeling like Miss Marple, trying to detect the mystery, of exactly what that was!  🔎🕵️‍♀️🔍 

3 or 4 phone calls into it I realized, you haven’t been consistent with your notations about how the phone calls went. A quick peek into Jerry’s filing system (by now I think you figured out he did all the finances/bill paying in the family. He kept me informed but that’s as close as I came! One of the things I love about him, he never wanted me to worry about finances.♥️) after perusing his examples, I made complete notations that have since come in very handy!  At the end of the first day, I looked at the table and I didn’t feel like the pile had gone down very far. I was at this alone, and I was going to be sitting here for another couple of days. I counseled my heart with the truth, I may be the only one living in this house, but I am definitely not alone! Jesus is listening not only to my audible comments, that naturally blurt out, and the bursts of laughter as I get a kick out of myself or someone else, but He also hears the whispers of my heart, saying but this can sure feel lonely. 💔

As I started making calls, I really hadn’t thought about what I was going to say. So with the first phone call went like this, 🗣

“ hello, my name is Ruth Collins, and I….. hmmmm, And I need….hmmmm, could I speak with…..hmmmm. I am calling because I lost my husband a week ago. Oh wait that’s not right, I didn’t lose my husband. I know exactly where he is. My husband went home to be with the Lord and I need to make changes in our accounts.” As I listened to myself I realized it isn’t like he’s missing, or took off on me and I have no clue where he went, or left me to fend for myself, or is lost on a mountain hike. I hear that term all the time. Now I was really questioning why do we use it?  I have experienced an incomprehensible loss, but Jerry is not lost, and neither am I. When I changed my Verbiage, my thinking and emotions also changed. I was not reporting a sad story that caused records needing to be changed. I was taking the first step forward. Doing what Jerry and I had talked about, planned for, and what everyone has to do when they have have change in their life. Change results in a new season or chapter in life  One I didn’t desire or ask for.  Instead one, in God’s sovereignty, I have to make nonetheless.  So I proceeded with my calls. As I’ve journaled in the past, our prayer was that God would use Jerry’s cancer for our good and HIS glory. I guess in my mind, since Jerry no longer has cancer, I thought that chapter was finished. As I fumbled with my words with the representative on the phone I realized God was still using Jerry’s cancer. This may feel like cold calls I making, but in reality they are divine appointments. I had a the listening ear on the other end of the phone. What would he or she hear me say?  Would they hear someone who sorrows because they have no hope? Or would they hear the reason for my confidence that Jerry is in heaven, through the saving blood of Jesus Christ? I had a choice and of how I would handle this new season or chapter.  I so desperately wanted to be done with cancer and all the pain that it has brought me. I recalled a statement, “don’t waste your suffering because God won’t.” As much as I want to be done with cancer I realized that wasn’t going to happen. It has marked my life in the most profound and devastating way. 💔 So, what was I going  do with that. I was brought back to the prayer that Jerry and I had prayed over and over again. “Lord, use this for our good and your glory.  These were witnessing opportunities, I never realized existed. God never waste our suffering and I was not waste this opportunity for the gospel. 

In very few cases, after I explained the reason for my call, the person on the other end of the phone would offer me their sympathies or condolences and move right into the business of the call.   Majority of people took it much further. Saying how sorry they were for my loss. Many commenting about a loss they had experienced. They hoped I would be okay. These reactions surprised me. Here were total strangers who wanted to talk about my pain.  Wanting to let me know they understood and they empathized with me. Several even pointing out what a difficult time of year it was to have someone die with the holidays coming up. They expressed themselves in very sensitive ways. They wanted to converse with me about the universal pain of death. They were open to hearing about how I was handling the loss of my husband. I found myself responding with, “Oh, yes it IS okay. I don’t have to hope, I know!  My husband enjoyed every minute of life! He was passionate about what he loved.  He truly loved his Savior Jesus Christ and served him all his life. He was a wonderful example of how a Christian should live.  He died a victorious death because he had placed his faith in Christ.”  

I was dreading making these phone calls. I recall my mother making these calls when my Daddy went home to be with the Lord. I was 14 years old. I was not looking forward to repeating over and over again that my husband was dead. I remember the tears she shed and I knew I would be doing the same. After the first few I realized, putting aside the business portion, these were not calls at all, instead they were conversations. Divine appointments.  As I told my story, many shared their stories with me. For some it had been the loss of a child, or a spouse, sibling, parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent, or friend.  Many had endeared long sicknesses and suffered in pain, before their lives ended.  Others had been tragically taken through an accident or an irresponsible action of someone else, quickly. The common thread was this - death is painful for those who are left!   Everyone processes grief differently, as we know, some were still processing it decades later. They still were greatly grieving.  In these conversations, it seemed like people were quick to open up emotionally.  Something dawned on me during these calls; many of these individuals were working from home due to Covid. I could background noise like children playing, dogs barking, and dryers signaling the cycle had ended. They were very comfortable. They were sharing and didn’t seem to mind how long they stayed on the phone with me.  I will never know, but I suspect, that is why these were conversations and not merely business calls.   There were no supervisors standing nearby or other colleagues who might overhear what was being said. I would guess that over 40% of the people I talked with were believers. Their responses to discussing death were markedly different that the other 60%. Their responses contained joy which could not be mistaken.  To them it was evident heaven is a real place. They were confident they were headed there because of the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.  These conversations seemed much more like a Praise and Worship time.  🙌 

I was able to complete my task in about four days. Every once in a while, I still have to make a call, or someone contacts me.   Last week, Jerry received a summons to appear for Federal Jury Duty in Grand Rapids!  Once again, it was an opportunity to witness. I have gone from being frustrated to being humored.  What amazes me the most are the opportunities the Lord allowed.  HE would use these business calls, to share the Gospel. Also, to encourage and be encouraged by Brothers and Sisters in Christ, I will never meet on this side of the grave, but will spend eternity with!  This was truly the hidden lesson God had in store for me!  He wouldn’t waste my pain, but would bring “beauty from ashes”, Isaiah 61:3 I love how the writer of biblestudytools.com puts it.  “ this is a beautiful picture of what Christ can do for the morning people of Israel and the ones hurting today. When we examine the first, we learned that Christ is the joy-giver. He gives a joy that extends beyond the surface. Christ releases us from the bondage that sorrow brings. When we fully give ourselves over to God, our view of the trouble and sorrow of life changes. The circumstances remain the same, but we change the glass we look through. He gives us sources of joy to get us through everything we go through and this life contributes to the end when we spend eternity in heaven.”