Aloha Family and Friends,
How are you? Have you seen guide posts? What has been shifting inside and outside? What moments of rawness and tenderness have come?
Life- Exceptions unfold as unpredictable adventures swiftly knock us off past grounding, catch us by surprise around the next corner, and whisper truths. Stimulus, Noise, What If, What Could Be...stand in the strength of a tree, take a break, listen to the birds singing, wrap yourself in a towel or blanket, make that cup of tea, call a friend, make the soup, do the next thing to come home. No judgment, no expectations, no striving, no pushing through. May we feel supported, connected, held, and loved.
Upon traveling home from Maui, we didn't want to return to our condo rental in La Jolla. Both of us were confused. We didn't want to stay in Maui year-round, had no plans to purchase a home in the next months, were close to doctors and appointments, and knew neighbors. Why? Daily, the urge was stronger, we waited, wondered, and doubted this intuition. Then, on February 5, the call came. The landlords asked that we move out overnight due to the water leaks in the unit we reported in October and they had not addressed. They presented this as a health concern for us but didn't want to test for mold. We started the process to secure legal counsel, and soon after they asked us to move out for five days for a remediation that was left in a state that prevented us from returning to living there. We jumped AirBnBs until we knew we could no longer return. We are in a one-bedroom rental in Del Mar until at least the end of June and looking to buy given the new rent prices and quality of options. It is twice the price of our last rent with one less bedroom, so we are telling ourselves it is a vacation given it is close to the beach.
So when you get an upgrade it often doesn't appear that way. We can perceive it as bad or scary. It has been eventful and extremely stressful, but growth-producing. Since this started, I have had three past traumas clear out of my system and I have learned that I am more resilient at this stage of healing. Being in so many new environments rewires the brain. About three weeks ago, I returned to my morning yoga practice.
Shaking
The first clearing came slowly and then at once. Prior neighbors sent me pictures of the dogs I had carried in the Bay Area. This was a living situation with an irregular landlord onsite. My last interaction with her took my body into full shakes. It ended with a lawyer telling her not to contact us. The evening of the energy clearing, I met a man and his wife on the beach and "randomly," brought up clearing out trauma safely. 30 minutes later, I learned that the current landlords had contacted the prior landlord, and my body processed the shaking. This time I wasn't physically close to her, I was more grounded, I called family. My nervous system did a reset of sorts.
Trains
We ended up renting until June right next to a train track. No the best place for sleeping. I called a friend who does energy work the next morning after anxiety. It turned out I had a hidden trauma to clear out. My parents took us across train tracks over a waterfall with ropes and wooden steps. A minute later the train came blowing the horn. Although the train still affected my sleep, the energy cleared out.
Falling
While looking at a house yesterday for sale, I fell down the steps (slipper socks on wood). I realized I couldn't stop falling and so relaxed into it. As a child, I had a bad fall downstairs that knocked the wind out. In my adult body, in the fall this week the energy cleared.
We are living in a time of intensity. Our tension spam has shrunk. What brings us home? One breath, this moment.
So many teachers have shown me how to return home. I can pass this on if it resonates with you. There are accessible and simple means. Please let me know if I can show up in this way as so many have for me.
Love & Light to Each of You,
Jennifer
