Honestly, I’m not really even sure where to start. Where do you start when your one month old is diagnosed with cancer? That’s something you’re never prepared for no matter what. Two days from now, I will hand my baby boy off to surgeons for the third time in his short life. Two days from now will begin the hardest part: waiting for pathology. The first time, we were expecting the report to be “normal” and “something lots of people don’t even know they have.” This time is different. This time we know fully what can come from a pathology report. This time we are terrified and every moment we have to wait for this report to come back will be in anticipation of what might be. Will they find more cancer? Will they find there’s been growth we couldn’t see despite our scopes every three months? Those are hard questions, and I don’t have the answers to them. What I do know is what we’ve been shown before: God performs miracles. In a case that doctors diagnosed as incurable and aggressive, God diagnosed as benign. When pathologists said six months, God said, “you don’t decide that.” When our oncologist looked at us and told us our one month old had cancer, God said “just wait for what I have planned.” I don’t know what may come from this surgery or what we might find on the pathology report, but what I do know is there’s not a single step of our journey that we had to take alone. 

Jax, you are the strongest little guy I know, and it’s my honor to be your mama. You got this, buddy. 

Please pray for healing, for peace, and for the unknown.