And now we will fast forward to November 6, 2015... The day started with a littlw argument over Jasons grad ring ...he was going to be graduating in June! He had his ring all picked out anc was going to be appl//ying at  Holland College to be a chef....his childhood dream job! After our argument Jason txted his best friend/cousin Tyson and was going hunting with him for the day. Even tho he was angry toward me, he gave me a hug anf told me he loved me for the last time as the Jason before... That afternoon i had to work. After working for a while i seen the police and ambulance go by toward the highway, sirens and lights going, and as usual i grabbed my cell and txt my best friend Darla telling her about the cops and ambulance and thats when she said miss, Chad and a bunch just  left here heading back to town. ..i reassured her it wasn't them and then tucked my phone away but a couple mins later it was ringing. It was Tyson...he said Missy theres been an accident...its bad missy you need to get there... 

By the time i got to the accident site, i could see 2 sets of feet and wasnt sure how many had been in the car. Thw police woman tried to keep me away from the scene buti was yelling at her "WHERE IS MY SON!!!!" She asked for his name and told me that he was gone by ambulance to moncton and so i asled about Colby...i knew he was driving so asked about him first... She looked at me so sadly and said he didnt make it... So i said what about Chad? Again, same look, "he didnt make it either" ....i was so in shock that i couldnt even cry. I turned and there was Darla... She was given the news as i was walking so i ran and hugged her and ran to my brothers jeep with my sister in law. The ambulance had to mak3 a stop im sackville to get an Airway... Dr Long put the airway in and allowed me to see him before he went back into the ambulance to get to moncton city hospital. In the room i held his hand. He had a bump on his head but looked ok other than that... Then he squeezed my hand hard. I told dr long that jason did that so that i wouldnt worry... I was right and i believe that with all i have in me. I knew my son and i knew that he knew i was scared to death and he needed to somehow tell me that he was there and it was going to be ok. He wad then taken to moncton city hospital and admitted into the same room his brother was in 3 years before and he too was on life support. 

Jason suffered severe tbi as well as had a cracked screen and a lasserated liver... They were not very sure he would live...as a matter of fact, they were not expecting him to survive. He had a shunt put in to drain fluids on his brain, he had a trech put in at some point, emergency surgery to have his spleen removed and the access of blood inside had to be cleaned up. 

Now i am very foggy on when certain things took place or at what point, so i will be jumping back and forth as i remember. 

They wouldn't allow me to stay with him so i had to go home every night and return early next morning... I hated it...leaving him there all alone with just a bunch of strangers when he was in such bad shape. I spent every day for the next 5 1/2 mths driving to moncton every day and home every night...after a while i started returning home just when nathan would be getting home from school as i realized he needed me too. 

There was so much to understand about comas... I thought that a coma was done when the person opened their eyes...also, i didnt understand brain injury and how slow the progress is or even the severity of it all. Thankfully moncton hospital has a great selection of nurses for the most part.. But at the time, i hated everybody and every thing. I had so much guilt of the shitty mother i had been up to that point...so one night when i got home, i sat down on jasons bed and wrote a letter to him in his Facebook inbox, apologizing for everything and begging him to get better so i could have a chance to be a better mom... I was sobbing when nathan came in... I would cry every night but never in front of jason in his room at the hospital.. To me, i was scared that it would make him worry about me or even worse, that he would stop progressing and get depressed... Every night when i would come home i would spend a while on google studying about coma and the different stages because there is so much more to it than waiting for his eyes to open and for him to just start talking and us to go home...thats definetely not how brain injury works... When they tell you its a slow process, believe it... It is so very slow. The brain is a strange thing....and they say that the younger the person is, the outcome is usually better...not always...but usually. Jason was biting his tongue qo they had to put the plate in and the nurse that night was one i never trusted one bit...She gave him too much paraletic trying to put a bite plate in so he wouldnt bite his tongue off....everything went to 0. I was there alone at the foot of his bed and when i seen the zeros i honestly thought someone must have reset the machine or something until the second nurse looked at me like she was terrified anf said "you should probably go out of the room for this" and the othwr nurse bent over jason to perform cpr. I ran down the hallway screaming and calling my family to tell them that they lost Jason...he was gone...he was dead.... Scott (another nurse) had heard me and ran to jasons room...few mins later he came ajd took the phone and said we got him back, he was only gone for little over 4 mins but it wasnt long enough to cause more damage...he was alive and ok again.... After that i asked that that one nurse not be around Jason anymore. 

I would go in and say hi to jason tell him about the night before, tell him how nathqn was doing and teasing him. Id joke to try to divert the attention to something other than sadness or fear... I didnt want him to know he was in an accident because i was worried that too may slow down his progress and that was not what we needed.

I was finally able to take jason out of his room for a walk in December and even snuck him downstairs to the Christmas tree for pics. I decorated his room and got him special ornaments... He would only stare..but he would often give me signs that he knew what i was saying. I would go in and tell him to move a hand or a leg and video the slightest movement and would get over the moon excited about his progress which was much less than id let on...i see now rewatching some of the videos...not much wonder everyone thought i was losing my mind lol. I did too at one point. I felt so close to Jason that it was almost like i just knew no matter what little thing he did, that he was showing and telling me that he was there. 

What Jason suffered was a difuse axonol injury which is tearing inside the brain, he had popcorn bruising throughout his brain which later went away and so he was missing brainmadder (unsure of spelling), and a dark spot on the back left side of his brain which they said looked like a stroke. The nurses said later that they didnt know how to deal with me because i would go in and spend all day, i was so positive and optimistic and they really did not believe he was going to get any better... They knew what that would do to me.. 

I always seemed to find things to occupy our time and try to push jason to do things including bringing him a balloon and putting it in his hand and id watch him lift his arm, move it over a bit and put it back down over and over...to me that was progress! I remember giving him shit in the hallway one day... He wasn't yet able to move one of his legs and i wasnt sure why... So down the hall on our walk, i pulled over to the side and said Jason do u want to be in this wheelchair for the rest of your life?? He looked at me (thats all he could do) so i said, well i don't want to be pushing one for the rest of mine!... Only a few days later he started to move that leg :)

Progress, no matter how little, is progress.