It has been nearly a month since Janelle's memorial service. The earth keeps spinning but feels incomplete and lonely without her.  As a tribute to her and to the fact that she is gone but definitely not forgotten, I have posted below what I wrote in the program followed by what I read for my part of her eulogy.

Program:

By David Lawrence. . .

Janelle was my best friend and soulmate for over thirty years. We were two headstrong people that found a way to make our relationship flourish. I can honestly say that we became closer and more understanding over the years and fostered a great marriage.

Our little family (David, Janelle, Zac, Luke - and now 3 grandchildren) was Janelle’s life. She was the master planner of all of our crazy adventures and always had something planned to look forward to. She liked photography and chronicled every trip that we made - beach vacations, motocross, soccer, basketball, off-roading, hikes etc. She was the glue that kept everything together and the spark that kept us all energized. She was a cheerleader both literally and figuratively! She also planned many adventures with her small group of friends and her mom and two sisters.

Janelle loved to walk. She did it to exercise herself and the dogs that she loved but it was also her main stress relief and athletic activity. She was also a very giving and caring person and over the years volunteered as team mother, at homeless shelters, at rape crises centers, and insisted that we give many different people a helping hand when they needed it.

Janelle battled CNS Lymphoma cancer for nearly eight years in the most courageous and persistent fight imaginable. She brought a spark and joy to the cancer center that was much appreciated. We did the best that we could to get her every treatment in existence and were able to have a few good years in the midst of the struggle.

Janelle’s death has already been the hardest thing that I have experienced in my life and I will miss her every day. I know that there will be many bleak days ahead but I also know that she wanted all of us to keep on living and to get the most out of this life. Because of her long standing and unshakeable faith, I am also sure that the second she left this life she immediately started a new one where all of her ailments, pain, cancer, worry, etc. are gone! I love you Janelle!

Eulogy:

The way I feel about our life by David Lawrence:

Janelle and I were joint captains of the battleship “Team Lawrence” cruising the rough open ocean working hard to steer the ship towards a better future for ourselves and our crew Zac and Luke. We all had big dreams, big goals and would work together to overcome any obstacle in our way. We had other ships in the fleet that provided support and guidance but we were fairly self-sufficient. For many years we had much success and smooth sailing and accomplished many of our goals.

8 years ago, we were engulfed in a huge, devastating sporadic storm. We made it through but then 5 years ago the storm got worse. The crew had grown older and started running their own ships - still part of the fleet but separate. As the storm got much worse and other storms added to the chaos, the captains did their very best to keep everything running smoothly. Many remaining dreams and goals were lost as well as some of the ship’s drive and navigation. One fateful day very recently captain Janelle died and the ship was badly damaged. Captain David is now alone in a badly damaged ship that has lost its navigation and most of its drive. There are plenty of resources to rebuild it but it will never be close to the same. His only hope is that the remaining fleet can assist him with the drive and navigation and perhaps others can join the fleet and even spend some time on the ship with him. And maybe, just maybe, in time the sailing might be at least acceptable again!?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I have been a loner my entire life but now realize that having Janelle by my side allowed me this luxury. I have never felt so alone while surrounded by “my people”.

Having the most important person in your life die while holding their hand can have a profound effect. It is an unexplainable experience that was more earth shaking than even the birth of my boys. The only thing that I am going to say about it is that it would be a good idea for everyone here to spend some time contemplating what will happen just before, during and after you take your last breath!

I was born with an engineering mind and am a deep thinker. I could talk for hours on topics such as: Battling PCNS DLBC NHL (Lymphoma); Being a caregiver; Faith in God but daily struggles over the details; The logic or lack thereof of this life; Death and why we all ignore it even though we will all die; cars, motorcycles, 4x4s, basketball, skiing, snowboarding, soccer and of course software engineering.

I would definitely be up for these discussions in the future but not today. I would rather spend this time doing a short, non-inclusive summary of Janelle’s life as a tribute to her and a life well lived. This account is accurate to the best of my knowledge – some details have been omitted to “protect the innocent”!

Janelle Elizabeth Gennaro was born on June 8th 1965 in Albuquerque.

She moved with her Italian father, Irish/English mother and two older sisters to Portales NM when she was 2 years old. Her father had completed his PhD in biology at UNM and had accepted a job as a professor at ENMU. The university and her grade school could both be seen from the front of their house.

She inherited much more of the Italian genes and was lovingly described as the “brown tornado” growing up. She was a very energetic tomboy that enjoyed being outside, getting dirty, riding bikes and playing with all of the neighborhood kids. She was in various social clubs, played softball, and did gymnastics in her younger years. She was a fearless, gymnastics inspired cheerleader and class president at Portales high school.

I played basketball for Goddard (Roswell) and Janelle and I were on the same basketball court at the same time during high school but had no way of knowing that we would eventually spend our lives together.

Janelle was outgoing and seemed to have friends from many levels of the high school social hierarchy. She grew up attending the local Catholic church but always said that she was introduced to Jesus by one of her fellow staff workers at Philmont Scout Ranch near Cimarron NM where she worked for two summers. She continued this faith for the rest of her life.

Janelle graduated from high school and attended ENMU for a year or two. Her first roommate was from Minnesota and when she asked Janelle where she was from, Janelle pointed out the window to her house.

A mini rebellion followed that eventually led her to UNM in Albuquerque NM. She worked several jobs including a manager position at Schlotzsky's restaurant in pursuit of a college degree – partly to prove her father wrong since he told her during her rebellious years that she we would never finish her degree!

I first noticed Janelle when I was working as a student computer consultant in the computer labs at UNM. I was supposed to have already graduated with my Computer Engineering degree and be working at IBM in Boca Raton FL but a class credit screw up kept me at UNM for another semester. Janelle was a business computer systems major and was also working as a consultant. Our first interaction consisted of her (a new consultant) scolding me (a seasoned veteran) for her having to answer users’ questions while I was supposed to be the one working – the audacity!

We first “talked” on an app called “The Forum” over the infant stage internet using our very slow 300 baud modems. We had our first “blindish” date at the Denim and Diamonds night club and the next at Sandia Crest and were together from then on. I graduated and decided to stay here and she graduated a year later. We were married on 4/19/1991 and her name became Janelle Lawrence. We had very little money but both got jobs in our field, rented a house in the “student ghetto”, went rollerblading daily, hiked frequently and just enjoyed being together. I bought a dirt bike and started desert racing. Zachary David Lawrence was born on 4/9/1993. We both wanted at least two kids and were obsessed with our new little boy. We still did all the things that we did before and took the little guy everywhere. We purchased a house in the NE heights and 16 months after Zac, Luke Matthew Lawrence was born. Having two little ones put a crimp in our style. We were overwhelmed. Janelle took most of the kid load and I tried to do many of the other things. We moved to the west side a few years later to the house that I still live in next door to my brother and his family.

Janelle was able to get various Microsoft certifications to further her career and ended up spending most of it doing things related to banking software. She was able to work from home for Wells Fargo for many years and was there as the boys grew up. She supported servers and groups all over the world from her little upstairs office at our house. She eventually became a manager and master planner for various groups and it was there that she really excelled. I worked as a computer/software engineer at various companies but spent most of my career at Intel. We had a good income and a good life

From a very early age we could tell that our boys were very athletic. We had them riding bikes at 3 and on motorcycles very soon after. Soccer started as early as possible and then basketball soon after. The boys and I raced motocross for many years, won championships and had a lot of success. Janelle was the supporting force behind everything that we did. The boys both played basketball and soccer for years as well. As they got older and club soccer became serious year around, that became our focus. Janelle planned trips, was team mom (even for 2 years of college), provided emotional support and was always a constant and steady force. Both boys ended up having successful college soccer careers that paid for most of their degrees and they even played soccer at higher levels. Janelle and I were there for it all. We even purchased a condo in Durango when the boys were living and playing there and Janelle managed all of the rentals etc. when we were able to rent it out.

She always loved and supported her family to the best of her ability. Her cancer struggle is well documented on the Caring Bridge but suffice it to say that she had virtually every medication/treatment/procedure available (including a stem cell transplant, cutting edge CAR T-cell therapy, whole brain radiation, 37 methotrexate chemo hospital stays, loads of other drugs etc.). I researched and supported and we did the best that we could. I witnessed firsthand the battle she fought daily with the disease, her emotions and her declining capabilities. I definitely do not have any answers as to why she had to go through this, or why she is now gone and I am alone but I do know that God helped her through it. She has always had a deep “simple” faith and it carried her through the roughest of times. Near the end she had some fear of dying but was helped some by reading the book “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn. She seemed more concerned about how I would be if she died – she knew me well. We both definitely experienced “peace that passes all understanding” at various points in the journey. I hope to feel that again in the future and would love to have the deep “simple” faith that she did.

I will always love you Janelle and I am so happy that I was able to share a big part of my life with you. See you soon!