I’ve started this post so many times, and so many times struggled with what to write. There has been a lot that has happened. Joycie finished another round of chemo and obviously crushed it and I have another new plan.
at this point, I have completed 10 rounds of radiation and holy shit it was intense. Daily radiation where I had to put my head into this tight mold that was clipped to a table. TALK ABOUT ANXIETY DAILY.
For example, when I was in a downward spiral one night before bed during radiation and this happened….
“today sucked. my neck has started to hurt from radiation. I decided to put some lotion on it. and I feel one of the tumors immediately. talk about a fucking mood killer. In an instance, I am panicking. not smiling. full-on weeping. all because I felt a tumor I knew I had.
this is the side of cancer that fucking sucks.
my body hurts so bad. My neck is sore, my back hurts, hip hurts and I’m just uncomfortable. frankly, nothing gives me relief lately.
I need a vacation. where cancer doesn’t exist. “
You can imagine I have a lot of those nights…
next up was the side effects, I was very tired and still have been very tired. My appetite is very low, nothing has sounded good to eat. my neck, shoulder where the radiation was hitting started to hurt and ache badly. My neck was very sensitive and a little pink. My hip was throbbing for some reason. and my throat felt like it was closing like it felt 95% closed and super hard to swallow. So that not too fun.
despite all of that, I did it. I finished 10 days of intense radiation and FINALLY got to ring the bell.
This was way more emotional for me this time. I cried all day just thinking of how far I have come and how I haven’t had the opportunity to ring a bell in probably over a year. But also cried because I knew my fight was far from over.
with all the failed treatments and progression of my cancer, it felt really good to ring the fuck out of that bell that day and have my family outside waiting for me.
I say this all the time but my support system is the best around and I am so lucky to have them.
Now before I continue to what is next for me...let’s take a look at joycie girl!
She was very tired, nauseous and her neuropathy was bad, she ended up sleeping a lot. She has been very tired even with this extra week off. She has not found her energy back yet. But, she is not nauseous and she will take being tired over nausea any day! Monday she has chemo again and she also will get her cancer markers tested. Let's hope that number continues to go down!!! Fingers crossed for Joycie girl.
So as for my new plan, I will be starting a whole new cocktail of drugs, Keytruda and Avastin by infusion and a DAILY….yup, LITERALLY DAILY chemo drug called Cytoxan which I will take before bed every single day.
So until Monday when we start back up at chemo together, we get to enjoy our last night of vacation in Old Forge where we have been all week, resting, relaxing, and finally enjoying some normalcy in the sun.
In case you want to join our team Cancer...OVARit. here is the link to buy a t-shirt :)
I can’t wait to ring the bell again someday when I am completely cancer-free. Until then Joycie girl and I are going to continue to fight like hell.