I always tell my patients that sometimes emotions swoop in after treatment is done and catch them off guard. They often ask….why am I feeling more anxious and scared and sad now? And I always say that during the shock and intensity of a cancer diagnosis and treatment; our bodies and minds go into action mode.  Biopsies, scans, surgery, chemo, radiation, wigs, well wishes and visits. And then it ends; for a lot of patients. And there’s some space and silence to ask…what the hell just happened???? 

I thought knowledge would be enough to keep this from happening to me, but nope, I’ve felt all of those feelings too. In the beginning of treatment I found a great bag at Goodwill. It was shiny red and big and held all of my vitamins and medications I would need throughout treatment. And now 6 months after treatment ended, I can’t give up the red bag. It’s still full of everything I needed during treatment and more Lol. Masks and bills and makeup and dental floss and once even my poodle Ruby, and who knows what else! The handles are tattered and it’s not nearly as shiny as it was a year ago. But I keep carrying it and I’m ok with that. I’ve let go of so much over the past year. I think it’s ok to hang on to my red bag….just awhile longer. ❤️