Heather, I hope that you might connect with my niece, Kim Becking, through FB. She is a breast cancer survivor. Having that support system that you speak of, is necessary. I will continue to try and keep up. I wish (and pray; I understand all are not believers), and send the best vibes that I have for you. Whether or not either Heather fully understands this, YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION!
I HATE CANCER! I am a survivor of colon cancer and my youngest daughter is a survivor of pancreatic cancer.
I have this vision in my head of cancer as a roulette wheel and every checkup when I spin the wheel, I hope that I land on one of the lucky life numbers.

Heather you just capture so much in such beautiful writing. I'm so glad there are good things happening for you--good scans, a powerful gathering in Las Vegas--and I wish you didn't have to wrestle with these ideas about a fantasy self. In the meditation group I'm part of, we use an approach called Internal Family Systems (your therapist might be familiar with it) and name the parts that are often the ones doing the fantasizing, or worrying, or critique, or for me, I have a big self-improvement part that believes if I just read a little more, work out a little more, eat a little healthier, do a little more medication, I can eliminate suffering. We learn that there is something bigger than these parts and we can hold space for them and thank them for all their hard work (like you said, they've helped in many ways) but we don't have to identify so deeply with them. It then becomes a bit more like watching a TV show--we can see them and hear them, but have a little space from them. I have some resources on this if you want me to send it--and I've been in this meditation program for 8 years and still have a lot of work to do with these parts, so it's ongoing for life, but when I can catch these parts taking over my identity and take a step back, it's been really helpful.

Heather--you write so beautifully, so honestly, and so graciously. Please consider writing a book about your experience. So many would benefit from your thoughtfulness and insight. As your dear sister said, you are one of the most incredible people we have ever known! I know I'm not in touch often enough, but please know that I'm always here pulling for you (and admiring your inspiring words). Thank you!

Heather, I'm glad you share your thoughts so well, so that others can learn more about what you're going through. You inspire me daily. Reading this makes me feel even more grateful that I now live right across the street. I love all versions of you and always will! You are one of the most incredible people I know and I've been in awe of how much you've accomplished in this life already. Remember, we started in the negatives. Hugs and lots of love!

Sending hugs (not too tight) your way. I loved our brief interactions years ago (we are so very funny) and appreciate that you are allowing me to bear witness to your life.