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Journal

January
12
2020

January 11, 2020

The initial acute stress of almost losing Hanna and hearing all of the morbid predictions about her future was very hard on all of us. However, qualitatively the acute stress has shifted to daily fears of complications and bad news. The past few days have been the hardest as her treatment requires more invasive procedures.

 

 

On a positive note, Hanna’s lung is improving and one of her two chest tubes came out today. However, her lung contusion continues to be the barrier for removing the ventilator. There are risks of having a ventilator for too long and given more surgery in the near future, the team has decided that a tracheostomy is indicated. Some of you are unaware that Hanna was born with a congenital condition that required a tracheostomy as a baby for two years. What are the odds that someone has a tracheostomy two times in their lifespan?!

 

Hanna’s initial reaction was “no way” and “whose decision is it?!” After hearing that she might be able to eat and drink, she settled down. She wrote me that she would do anything to be able to have a drink of water! I told her it was good to aim high. A big disappointment occurred when she learned she had to wait until Monday morning.

 

There is no possible manner of softening the news about her right leg. In surgery this morning, the plastic surgeon noticed muscle damage and tissue decay deeply embedded in her right leg. In a straightforward and compassionate manner, he told us there was no possibility of successfully salvaging the injury and highly recommended amputation of her lower right leg. He was genuinely disappointed for us and is highly concerned about dead tissue being exposed for too long (infection magnet). Hanna’s orthopedic surgeon will follow up with us on Monday and he will offer additional information and answers. We have developed a deep trust in the competence of the surgical trauma team. Although painful to go forward, we trust that God will continue to guide the doctors and hold Hannah in His care.

 

When Hanna woke up, she immediately wanted to know about the leg surgery. We had hoped to wait until Monday for breaking the news. However, she asked specifically about amputation, forcing honesty from us. She cried for a bit, talked about wanting to still do everything in her life, and then asked for her Propofol to be increased to sleep. This afternoon, she asked me to share the news with her closest friends personally. Overall, the emotional toll of being in the hospital for this long is catching up and she is strung out. She is uncomfortable all the time and it’s all she can do to tolerate minute by minute. Hanna did have really good moment yesterday when Hannah Meloche, a YouTuber with 1.7M followers (including Hanna) posted Hanna’s Go Fund Me story and sent her love over Instagram and Snapchat!

 

As her mom, I’m quite dialed in to her needs and it is extremely hard to leave her bedside. Jerry also wants to be with her 24/7. Close family, including big brother Evan, are also here to help support Hanna. Personally, I’m trying to keep connected to the relief that Hanna is alive and also to feel grateful that her injuries won’t prevent independence. At the same time, all of us can honestly say that this was one of our worst days of all time.

 

We are sincerely grateful to all of you and profusely thank you for financial donations, prayers, encouragement, empathy, food, babysitting, putting Christmas away, cards, gifts and balloons for Hanna, and more.  We need your continued support as the acute stress keeps following us. 

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Comments

  • Debbie Murawski : Robyn I am so sorry your daughter has been going through this. I just heard about it and right away it reminded me about your accident when you lived in Africa. My prayers are with your daughter as she recovers and with you and your family. Debbie Bellin Murawski.
    10/17/20
  • Tommy Lott : To Hanna and her family, I, too was in a bad car/truck wreck that I was lucky to survive in 1989. I'm in Chronic Pain from. Hanna, know your life will be different n present new challenges daily. I'm living proof you can do this, stay strong no matter what. Know that ALL things are possible through Christ, Jesus. I encourage you to cry out to Him, you may find very comforting what He shares with you: I know I did. My continued support and prayers in the days to come.
    1/16/20
  • Kathleen Grant : so many blessings of strength and hope to you and your beautiful daughter
    1/15/20
  • Jason Tighe : Robyn, sending love and prayers to all..
    1/15/20
  • Ann Fischer : Oh Robyn, I just heard about all this from Julia P. Please know that I am sending love and peace to you and Hanna through these incomprehensible times. You are strong, and I have such confidence in you, always. Big hug . . . .
    1/13/20
  • Toni Burkholder : You don't know me but I am a friend of Jess's. My 15 year old son had an accident 9 years ago. Very different situation in that he has a traumatic brain injury. Very similar situation with the ups and downs and highs and lows of having to watch your child suffer. I pray for you, your daughter, your family and the medical staff taking care of her. You sound like a strong Momma Bear and you have a great support system. It is tough and will continue to be but you will get through it. Remain positive and know that it will be okay. Prayers for courage, strength, and the knowledge to make the right choices. You got this!
    1/13/20
  • Liz Carder : Matt and Robyn, thanks again and again for sharing updates with us, I am sure it’s hard to put all thats happening into words, and it is such a gift to those of us pulling for you all. I was so honored to spend the afternoon w the girls, they are a delight! So many people here sending love and support. G teacher saw her this morn at church and gave her the biggest hug and snagged me to be sure I tell you she is thinking of you all. Not to mention many many others who send their love and ask about how it’s going. I have been reading a lot about silence and listening and it seems the only maybe good thing I can give/share with you. And if it’s not a good thing, throw it out! Haha! May you invite the silence, may you listen well in the ‘pauses’ may you have the courage to hear in the nothing. And may you grasp, just a tiny bit more, how loved you are, how loved hanna is. May you feel a hug when you wait, when you get bad news, when you get good news, when you fall apart , and when you glimpse hope. Someone once told me, ‘follow the hope’
    1/13/20
  • Kim Louk : Hanna I know this does not make sense at all right now, but Sweetie God has a plan for you!!! Please continue to fight and just know how much you are loved!!!!
    1/12/20
  • Jennifer Kreitl : There are really no words to express my sadness & grief about her leg. I think we knew this was a possibility from the start but were so hopeful that there would be better result. I ache for her so much & for your whole family. Thankfully she will be able to ride again, & I have every confidence in the kindness & sensitivity of Erste that they will be able to adjust to a new normal together. She’s a strong, brave girl! And oh how my momma’s heart breaks for you Robyn! You’re 1 day closer to getting her back again! Love & prayers!
    1/12/20
  • melinda johnson : Poor Hanna, I am devastated for her- not the news anyone wanted to hear. Remind her she mounts with her left leg - she will get through this ! Love and prayers to all of you. Again- thank you for the selfless act of keeping us all updated.
    1/12/20
  • Patricia Cavanaugh : The ups and downs of this journey has to be exhausting. We are praying for God's arms to surround you and uphold you as you face these difficult decisions. All our love to you.
    1/12/20
  • Denise Volbeda : Robyn and family , It is heartbreaking to hear all about Hanna’s struggles and continued medical issues. I am really at a loss for words. The medical team sounds great! Be strong for Hanna. Hanna, be courageous!! Love you all. Prayers for you!
    1/12/20
  • Lee Ann Zobbe : I know another young equestrian the rolled his car over and had to have a lower leg amputation. I am sure he would be happy to talk with Hanna if she would like.
    1/12/20
  • Rena Compaan : I am so sorry to hear this news, Robyn. Prayers for you and your family as these new developments keep coming almost every day. Prayers for the medical team caring for Hanna and that all decisions will be made with her maximum health and independence in mind.
    1/12/20
  • Julia Phillips : Sending strength and love to help all of you weather these new storms. I have so much faith that you will adapt and thrive. Wish I could do some of the hard work for you.
    1/12/20
  • Robin Lett : It’s heartbreaking to see sweet Hanna suffer. It is so hard not to be there with you, but am happy to be with Stella Gretta and Lynden.
    1/12/20
  • Erin Kulwicki : I don’t know you as I barely know your sister in-law Jessica. But I pray for your daughter EVERY day and I know god has a plan. My husband is a vascular surgeon and we live in Cincinnati now and he amputates legs often in his career. It’s not easy in any sense however there are some amazing prosthetics that are life changing and could be a normal, functional and almost look real so there is hope even with amputation. I will continue to pray and I’m sooooo glad she is alive and relatively well. God is good and has a plan for all of us including Hanna. These bad times might just be the stepping stone for the bigger picture......prayers for strength for your beautiful family ❤️❤️❤️❤️
    1/12/20
  • Jodi Nixon : Oh, Robyn :-( I am so, so sorry to hear this news . Trusting the team to make the best decisions cannot even begin to soften such difficult news. Our family continues to pray for you, Hanna, and the rest of her family. In fact, Craig confided in me he thinks about Hanna more than anyone else he's ever known to be going through a challenging health trial, including his parents! So many people are thinking of you and praying for peace during this difficult time . May you feel uplifted by those who love you!
    1/12/20