My Husband Had a Heart Attack

&

My 12 “Thanks” of Christmas

It is true. Gordy did have a heart attack, a mild one, on Wednesday night.

He had severe chest pain after a workout, like a tight fist churning inside, (and some additional symptoms so we raced to the ER at St. Francis South.) I called my close friend to spread the word that we needed prayer. Thanks Robin for assembling the prayer people and doing so from Kansas City.) 

Initially, most all of his “workup” was stable, EKG, blood draws, etc. but his blood pressure remained  high.

And so, with countless tubes, wires and noises so unfamiliar to us, amidst the beeps, pulses & whirring, we waited. We held hands and though we spoke little, our expressions spoke volumes. We prayed continuously, silently and verbally. Two of GG’s closest friends came to be with us. (Thanks Ken & Tim.) We prayed and waited. Their presence was so beautifully calming. Other friends arrived to support us and pray...thanks Tami, Ken & Shae.) The Emergency Room is a vulnerable place, made much better with faithful friends. 

As I write this, I’m sensitive to the fact that although Gordy had a heart attack and is still with me, one dear friend’s heart attack story is not the same.

We’ve had friends lose their spouses in different ways and I’d like to pause to honor the lives of Clark & Adam. My sister shared that a woman we know from our home town, TG, died Thursday in a routine heart cath procedure. Others we know have lost children: Jamie, Peyton, two precious newborn babies of a dear young couple we taught at church, Jake, Dan, Jeremy, and Avery. I know there are others and my intent was to name all I can remember. 

I can’t fathom the pain and journey they have been through. They are faithful and strong and their courage, stories, lives continue to inspire. 

As we walked out this chapter in our story, the heart attack chapter, I’ll forever be grateful for what I’ll name as my 12 Thanks of Christmas.

Yes, Gordy, my GG is home. He’s resting peacefully as I write and we thank so many of you for your prayers and love. 

GG will begin a “new chapter” in his life, a heart-healthy living chapter. He’ll take some new medications and modify some things, including diet, and add in a regular exercise routine. He has rested all weekend, thankfully, and can return to his work, his Cyntergy family and work related relationships Monday. 

I’ve typed up a much longer reflection and, due to the length decided to put those sentiments on CaringBridge. Here is the link if you would like to read it but an edited version is reflected in this post and through these photos, images meaningful to me. (Facebook is a blessing as it helps you remember important times in your life and I’m thankful to have a place to share life with all of you. Reading about your life, too, blesses me.) 

My 12 Thanks of Christmas - 2018

1 - I’m thankful we recently moved so close to a wonderful facility, St. Francis South, and that we made it to the ER within minutes following the heart attack within Gordy. Driving 95 & with hazards on is helpful. (I will not refer to it as “Gordy‘s heart attack” because it was a heart attack with in him and not his to own. My mentor, Shirley Staires, has always reminded me not to claim any illness or own it.) 

 2 - Community is essential. Family and friends are one of God’s greatest gifts. Thank you to those who came, called, texted, prayed, sent scriptures, looked up words like  NSTEMI, (thanks Diane) and to those who forwarded updates, messages and prayers. You helped us through. I’ll never be able to name you all but I treasure the BOB’s - Gordy’s band of brothers, my closest friends, Bible Study girls, Moms In Prayer friends, tennis buddies, book clubbers, therapy dog teams and those who kept me going. 

3- GG and I especially are thankful for the calm demeanor of the hospitalist physician, Dr. Banerjee, who entered our room at 3 am to share that GG did indeed have a heart attack. Elevated cardiac enzymes showed this hours later. All caregivers on the third floor were wonderful. 

4 - I’m thankful for how the Holy Spirit guides. As we lay in the dark, at four a.m. wondering if we should stay at the smaller hospital or move, a male nurse, Steve, entered our hospital room. He said, “I like your ballcap” (to me) then shared that he collects ball caps. GG does too. 

A comforting, reassuring “coincidence.” Because of that “connection” we felt reassured to stay and rest, at least the best we could, until 6 am, the time the doctor was supposed to come. 

(We were waiting on Doctor Ivanoff, a wonderfully gifted cardiologist with a memorable mustache and kind eyes. My physician friend (and prayer warrior) Debbie lives next door to him and many told us through texts that we’d be in great hands when he came to care for Gordy.) 

We now know God led us to the right ER, the right hospital at the right time. Thanks, ministering angels, for leading us there as we sped down Mingo.

5 - I’m thankful for the power of prayer. I’ll always remember the presence of one of our church leader’s Lesley, for her handholding, reassuring visit, prayers & presence with me during the hospital morning prayer on loudspeaker. Her comforting way was special and beautiful. 

As we prayed near the coffee pot in the back way of the third-floor, I knew that many many people were praying for us around the clock. I could feel it and it kept me going. 

6 - I’ll never forget the beautiful stained glass I sat before as I prayed for the right words to use as I reached out to our children and parents. God has been so faithful through all our life. Yet, the specific scenes in the illuminated stained glass amazed me: having children, Grant’s hip surgery during many years of baseball and even the scene of Jesus reading to the children all felt so personal and gave me strength. (At first glance, this scene of Jesus reading reminded me of my love for taking our therapy dog, Fitz, to read to children at public libraries. That felt “familiar” too.)

GG and I had decided to wait until we knew an exact and specific plan before we called his parents, mine and our children. We did not want to add chaos to their lives the early hours of the morning. I was thankful for the wisdom of the Holy Spirit directing even our “how’s and when’s” of communication. 

A prayer I often say is “God, when I feel I am at the end, please begin in me.” He has and He did that morning through the reassurance of His spirit shining through that stained glass. 

7 - I was especially grateful for “three wise men” - a former pastor, a current church leader and GG’s mentor and friend. When they took GG to the heart cath lab, I was by myself. I felt so vulnerable, tired, down. My accountability partner, Linda, and dear friend and I know and claim that “worry & worship” can’t co-exist so I tried to worship. It was hard. Sitting outside the gift shop, in the lobby, I was able to see Christmas decorations, words like “joy” and “peace” and I was thankful. I could worship with the little strength I had. Then, our friend/pastor Dick walked by and ended up sitting with me, praying & encouraging me. Then Greg arrived, then Bruce and later...my “wise-women” friends Jana & Tami. I was encircled in prayer and support and so thankful. 

I learned when my girl friends were with me that GG had a clear heart catheter, no blockage or stents needed and no heart damage. The Cath Lab even let GG call me. (I’m also thankful for a very sweet “pink lady” volunteer who gave me water, Kleenex, a hug and reassurance as she’s been through two cath procedures too.) 

They moved us to another room as initially we were on the maternity ward as an overflow patient. (While there, I was thankful for new life, for the birth of new babies and God’s beautiful creation all around us. It especially was encouraging to high-five a new “big brother” as his baby sister Emily was born minutes before I met him.) 

God shares in Ecclesiastes 3 these words:

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-13 NLT

http://bible.com/116/ecc.3.1-13.nlt

At the time I witnessed new life, it dawned on me that I really didn’t know if GG’s earthly time had come or would end in the hospital or if he would be all right and have more years.

I did know I had to release that and trust God. All of our days and “times” truly are in His hands. 

8 - Gilbert. I’m thankful for one of the most joy-filled people I’ve ever met. Gilbert was our med tech the day after GG’s cath procedure. He reminded us of Franc from Father of the Bride and brought smiles to our faces through his very “be-ing.” He is from the Philippines and radiated joy, creativity, positivity and love. It was no wonder that he had been one of two recent “awarded employees” as he shared with us in great humility.

In casual conversation, Gilbert shared with us that he started as a housekeeper and worked his way to new jobs, trusting the Lord for each job he was meant to have. He knows his work is his ministry and reminded us that we all have special gifts from God and we should use them to bless others.

He shared that God had blessed him with many different gifts and he loves using them both at the church and at work. 

GG and I both agreed that because of Gilbert, we would seek God‘s direction for us even more fervently and how we are to be used and serve both in the church and our regular lives.

9 - I will be forever thankful for small things that feel like BIG things - a single hair barrett, breakfast bars, coffee made by nurses, sustenance brought by friends (soup and salad, popcorn, snacks Kum & Go koolies, wine, yes a covert 6 oz. pour snuck in, a milkshake) Guidepost magazines, meals delivered & heart-healthy treats delivered to our home and more. Thank you Ken, Tami, Cassie, Evan, Heather, CJ, Gayle, Julie, our Cyntergy Family, my sis, Caroline, Melanie and anyone else I may have forgotten.) Thanks Todd R & Blaine for coming by at the hospital and Todd C and Mike for “GG sitting” on Saturday. 

10 - We are never alone. 

When the tech from the Cath Lab wheeled GG away, he had shared with me that they were thinking something was going on because the heart enzymes were increasing. He said we need to be prepared and that they could be inserting some stents maybe as many as two or three but they weren’t sure. 

I had friends on the way, coming to be with me but they took him earlier than planned. 

As I went down to the waiting area in the lobby, just outside of the pretty gift shop, I felt alone. I was physically alone. God reminded me that we are never alone. I was crying and the tears released much for me. I was thankful for the gift of tears at that moment. 

I reminded myself again, because of my friend Linda’s reminder, that “worry and worship do not coexist” and asked God to help me to be thankful. I didn’t feel thankful - just extremely helpless and vulnerable. 

I was strangely thankful for tears, for the pretty gift-shop in my sight and the Christmas decorations...the words Joy and Peace in the window were what I needed. 

Then, around the corner walked in our former pastor, and friend named Dick...the first wise man on the scene. He was our pastor for many years and, and he heard me call out his name. I know God sent him my way because at that time I was crying pretty hard. Dick always knows just what to say as his words are straight from the Lord. Then, in walked Greg, one of our current church leaders, then Bruce, GG’s mentor, “band of brothers BOB” friends and, as I shared earlier, God assembled my very own “three wise men.” They provided the comforting words I needed. We all prayed for Gordy and for his life to continue. 

I told them I felt selfish for asking that Gordy’s life continue but Greg reminded me that even Jesus prayed very specific prayers…”Father, if You are willing, take this cup from me...yet not My will but Yours...” (Luke 22:42).

And so, we prayed that same prayer.

My two “wise women” friends arrived and sat with me, comforting me, helping me laugh, simply being dear friends who know my heart. Thanks Tami and Jana. 

Special thanks to my friends, Jesus, the wise men and wise women friends and so many family & friends who texted encouragement. We are never alone. 

 11 - I’m forever grateful for our family and friends who are like family. Thank you all. Our connectivity to you is deepened even more. Thanks to our Heavenly Father who drew us all together and has more “assignments” for us in this earthly life. Kate and Connor were coming through Tulsa anyway (for the engagement of Connor’s friend Nick in NW Arkansas) and were able to come to the hospital to give us hugs and lots of love. It was a joy to see them. 

Through this experience, I have become extremely grateful for the gift of technology, too. I was very thankful for my iPhone, a charger and cord, my link to communicate with those outside the hospital.

The ability to send news and receive prayers and encouragement is, in today’s world, almost is instantaneous. Special thanks again to all who sent communication, forwarded a call to pray and to those friends who know my love of funny things/images. Big thanks to Steve Jobs (Apple) and the inventors of all technology that helps us communicate. 

Three friends especially blessed me with words they each separately had from the Lord. Diane reassured me that she believed I had been reset through my hysterectomy and neck surgery and now it was simply Gordy’s turn. She believed we would be healthy and grow old together.

My mentor Shirley reminded me that we had kingdom work on earth to still do and that an assignment was coming. 

Our precious friend and Fitz-sitter, Anne saved the days we were in the hospital. I’ll never forget when she unselfishly went to our house at 9:30 in the evening and proceeded to stay the next three days so our sweet little (and very spoiled dog, Fitz) could be in the comfort of his own home.

When she brought clean clothes to me for GG on our discharge day, she held my hands and said the Lord told her to tell me that we would be together for a very long time and we had something to do together for the Lord. 

I had the same words from the Lord in the hospital and now, we will wait for this assignment, and anything else He has for us, with grateful hearts. 

12 - Birds. I’m thankful for birds. My father and I share a love of birds, feeding birds and watching them mainly. When we finally arrived home I headed straight for our hot tub to help relieve some stress. GG was napping peacefully on the sofa and I was resting, grateful for the hot water hug encircling my tired body. I looked over to the left on the little stand that my friend Tracy had given me for a hummingbird feeder for our new home. I recently replaced that feeder with a smaller one filled with birdseed for the winter season and wondered if any birds would come to the funny location for that type of feeder.

As I watched from the hot tub, a tiny male sparrow landed on the feeder. I smiled and thought “His eye IS on the sparrow.” (From Matthew in the Bible). I knew that was a sign that the Lord would take care of us. Then, seconds later, the beautiful  little female sparrow joined him on the other side of the feeder. Little “house sparrows” mate for life and that, in itself is reassuring.

Through their “togetherness” the Holy Spirit confirmed my friends’ words that we would be together, enjoying this empty nest phase for many years and would trust our future to him. 

I’ll never forget this Christmas season and the many “thanks” GG and I share.

Thanks be to God our Father for His sovereignty, goodness, care, healing and communication in many mysterious ways. 

Merry Christmas to you. May you enjoy the reason for the season, the beautiful season of Advent. (Thanks Annie, for sharing that with your mom, Tami, who blessed me with the reminder.) 

PS - My sincere apologies to anyone I may have left out. I wrote this, prodded by the Holy Spirit, for our family to remember His goodness and to inspire others to lean in and listen to the Holy Spirit’s leading.