It’s Frank again. ... “New year, new me” -- well, not exactly, but I’ll get to that in a moment. 😏 

Being a relative newbie to the whole CaringBridge and/or GoFundMe webpages my wife created while I was in the hospital, I’m not sure how often those interested in my recovery are or were expecting updates, but here I am with one, as they say,“better late than never.”

My wife, who had been posting CaringBridge journal entries in the beginning, has recently come down with a cold or flu😷 -- even though we both got flu shots before I fractured my skull, broke several ribs and collarbone, and had surgeries on my spine and clavicle.

(She’s also had to take some time off of work to take care of me, but this sudden and recent unexpected illness of hers -- and particularly the timing of it -- hasn’t helped, given how much I’ve regretfully had to rely on her from everything from driving to picking up meds.

And you’ll have to excuse that some of the following that I wrote may sound familiar or repetitive to a small portion of those well-wishers who already asked me earlier or contacted me directly about my condition -- those who I had sometimes the energy to respond to with brief but I guess more frequent updates.🙋 )

I had some witty, insightful, amusing, sobering, reflective, etc. thoughts, anecdotes and dare say epiphanies to share with you -- even took the time and effort to jot them down, despite how painful and laborious it is now to do so, especially since I’m not a “leftie” or supposed to type with my right hand.

But darn if I can read today my chicken scratch that passed as note-taking or the garbled, semi-transcribed dictation ala “Siri”-style that I had used to try and remember stuff but is now more often than not was also incomprehensible when I reviewed it after jotting ideas down to recall later.😩 

So, heck, I’m just going to “wing it” with this “journal update” and be honest -- or “brutally honest” -- not sure whether one is preferred more than the other, regarding the challenging road to recovery, the setbacks or frustrations along the way, how alone it feels sometimes or whether anyone else can truly understand, etc.

(Part of the reason I agreed to my wife’s well-intention CaringBridge and/or GoFundMe webpages was to relieve her of the daunting task of informing kind, caring and concerned friends, family, coworkers, etc. like yourselves but in all honesty I’m a bit of an introvert.

Talking about me in a self-centered kind of a way is WAY out of my comfort zone -- I like to think I genuinely care more about others, or at least more interested in others, which is partly the reason I became a journalist -- but the reality is we now have medical bills that the GoFundMe fundraiser is helping in part to pay.🙏 

And I’m way too old to return my former career as a high-paid fashion runway male model for the elite fashion designers of Paris or New York, or it's too late for me to make a comeback as Brad Pitt’s stand-in on movie sets, as I jokingly told my hospital caretakers; humor is the best medicine, I believe, to deal with life.)

By the way, I don’t remember the actual "falling off the ladder" that now finds me in a back brace with an assortment of walking canes and a cabinet full of painkillers, and stool softeners and constipation relievers -- because of the pain meds -- but I still have my sanity, maybe.

I had never been hospitalized before yet, in a single wintertime incident -- a “mid-life crisis” so to speak, of epic bone-breaking proportions -- my skull, spine, ribs and more were seriously damaged and I found myself unable to walk for the first time or to care for myself.😳 

I can somewhat jokingly say now that -- given how “lucky” I was to have injured so many body parts in a one-time, uh,“accident,” -- that my wife should have bought the proverbial lottery ticket that day in between ambulance rides to the E.R.

(At the hospital, I considered re-learning to remain steady on my own two feet while relieving myself in my hospital room’s bathroom a major, almost "social media announcement-worthy 'achievement,'" but I’m still taking prescriptions today with subtle names like “Flomax.”)

The days now are long and the nights are even longer, with staggered medication times that ensure a good night’s rest for me is as attainable as a balanced federal budget, calorie-free Krispie Kreme donuts and me playing center for the Timberwolves.😆 

That leaves a lot of time for me to be “lost in one’s own head,” and I still wrestle with questions like “Why me?” “What could have I done differently before the accident?” “What should I be doing with this ‘second chance' at life?” among other difficult-to-answer questions.

(I considered myself an educated, cautious, rationale, prudent, etc. person before the accident, but I'm still in disbelief as to how I ended up like this. Unlike "Smokey the bear" and the dangers of unattended campfires, for example, there were no public service announcements I was aware of about "near-fatal falls off of ladders," before I tried climbing a ladder.😒 )

Given that I’m not back to normal even after being discharged from the hospital -- I’ll leave it to the experts, my doctors, to debate my prognosis or ascertain how far I’ve come (or not) since that day my eyes rolled back into my head and I was unresponsive -- at least according to my wife -- so, yeah, I’m very frustrated.

Now I have to work hard -- emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, whatever -- to pick up where my life left off, to do things that are considered instinctual, effortless or basic for many other people -- and I wonder ‘Will I get there and when will things be normal?” (Or the scarier “What if I do not?”) 😰 

A bit of “brutal honesty” -- more than a few tears have been shed between my wife and I since the accident that really makes you think about that part of the wedding vows that sometimes are glossed over which include “for better or worse, in sickness or in health … ‘til death do you part.”

If it wasn't for the constant presence of my loving wife now, and our Garfield-like cat we adopted from an animal shelter long ago who is almost always good for a laugh when I need it most -- and your support -- I could be easily convinced that one day I awoke to my own kind of private hell due to the pain and tedium.

(My wife told me after I regained consciousness in the hospital that she wondered if she was going to be widowed at a relatively young age in addition about worries about job security, mortgage payments, major medical decisions about my care -- or how to tell my parents their only child if I had died.😟 )

Here is a bit of levity to lighten up things: my wife also later told me that during one of the two ambulance rides to two different hospitals, I had asked at one point the ambulance driver if we could stop at a fast-food drive-thru somewhere; I’m glad the driver didn’t listen.)

While I was in the hospital, I actually came up with a “bucket list,” which I’ll keep private even though it's mostly of silly things that fear keeps me from doing. And after nearly dying, I’m eating healthier now and adopted a “expect nothing, appreciate everything” kind of outlook, among other life-affirming changes.😊 

Judging from friends and acquaintances; former and current coworkers; and those I knew of only professionally or casually ... who kept me in their thoughts and prayers, and offered emotional or financial support ... I came to the simple yet profound realization there IS goodness in this world.

(I don't think it's fair to say I was totally oblivious before of that fact but just rather skeptical and pessimistic; my wife and I have long done volunteer work with St. Cloud Habitat for Humanity and helped the nonprofit build homes for strangers when for the longest time we could not afford a home until now.😇 

I guess further irony that we, now, as first-time homeowners who were just trying to do some yard work, wintertime rooftop snow-clearing to prevent ice dams, maintenance on an old-but-affordable-to-us home, etc. is how I became now this shuffling “meat bag of aches and pains.”)

Anyway, I probably shouldn’t overexert myself writing this journal entry or blog, with what’s supposed to be a simple CaringBridge or GoFundMe update -- I’ve already probably given some of you a restful night's sleep or mid-day power nap with its length, which I envy, so maybe I should try reading this myself.😝 

Don’t know if I plan to write more in the future, still haven't decided, maybe I'll just post pictures, etc. -- but basically there is more follow-up doctor visits; CT, MRI or X-ray appointments; and outpatient therapy sessions, etc. -- so you may spot me around, possibly, but not quite ready for visitors given my health.

At close to 1,750 words, this reads more like a personal column in a local newspaper. (Hmm...? ) Although I hastily dashed it off, I’ve been composing bits and pieces in my mind, but I’ve been reluctant to share it here in case, it turns out, no one was still interested, I guess.😕 

In any case, thank you for reading this far, and thanks again for your patience, understanding, and emotional and financial support or medical bills assistance at GoFundMe. Hope to see you sometime soon.🙏 

Sincerely,

Frank