I turned my tv on at 10:00 and heard Hoda Kotb saying, "It's five days to Christmas!!!"  My mind immediately thought, "It's eleven days to Erin's surgery."  Proceeded to flood my pillow with tears.  I cannot even describe the feelings.  Maybe we've been through this too many times, maybe my faith is waning, maybe, maybe, maybe.  A friend told me tonight I need to be kinder to myself.  In school I always had to get As.  I will be lucky to get through this with a C (for chicken!).  These last ten days are hard. Waiting is hard.  Watching Erin suffer is hard.  Please pray for my strength and that Erin would not pick up any sensitivity to my anxiety.  And please pray I would be kinder to myself. 
Love, Kathy